The DUI club
This ain't a goldberg and osbourne actual client's testament. This isn't a fairy tale with a fairy godmother either. This is the tale of drunk driving and how it WILL kill you. But nonetheless, this is a story of extravagant proportions, rivaled only by the stories of the carpenter named jesus, or the explorer named oddysseus. I am speaking of huy's dui story. So here we go again, a story so action packed and crazy, that telling it will never get old. So sit back and enjoy, prepare to be immersed in utter entertainment.
It was the weekend of fag master 10's 21st birthday. 21, such an amazing age, saying farewell to underage drinking and fear of the fuzz, and saying hello to 5 dollar beers and crazy ass shots. Ah yes, a milestone in every americana's life. Just like always, we had no plans set in stone. The thing that tony did not realize was that on there ways down the pants of arizona, to the town of twat, were orlando 1 and aro con queso. 9 pm rolls around, they make their arrival and suprise the birthday boy with a cake and some spumoni. It was cute without the e. We had a little dinner, filling our stomachs, awaiting for the plans of the night to unfold. It was the month of March, so we watched some March Madness as calls were made and texts were sent. Eventually we decide to head out to a friend of a friend’s apartment partay, you know how these things go… We roll out and as always, debate over the topic of who was to drive. However, tonight was a special occasion, Matt the rocket scientist through heavy lobbying and filibustering, had recently got his engineering hands on an 01 camaro SS. Ah the Camaro SS, upon looking at the engine block number on the almight LS1, underneath the LS1 imprint, one will find the signature of God, Buddha, Allah, and Chuck Norris. Truly, the mold was broken after forging such a fine piece of machinery. Eager to pilot such a chariot, Matt offers to drive.
We arrive at the party and the cris is flowing. Bitches in thongs all over the place. Pdiddy was there sucking at beer pong, stick to records puff. However, I drank a minimal amount, only having a beer, not even and earlier having a couple at the house. I gander at everyone around the place, here are my notes. Rocket scientist, being the drink pusher that he tends to be is getting everyone fizzurd, including himself and is swilling straight from a tequila bott. Eye brrs, he’s swilling with some of his pancho villa brotheren, Aro, he’s swilling at pickin fights (the meatometer was pegged in the red). Eventually the apartment seccurrrrity came and bounced everybody faster than a dude in high waters at a Scottsdale club. Everyone decides to head back to Sergio’s crib that is about 4-5 miles away. I holler at engineer for his keys to go grab the car. I pull up and him and Almira hop in. I tell him that I will drive cuz I know the way. Everyone hops into god’s chariot and we are out like dookie howser from the closet. Pull onto the road and we are straight bumpin some tunes. “I found you Ms. New Bootttyyyy…..” 1st, 2nd, cruise in 3rd. rolling at about 60. Within seconds we were mobbing down the street. I felt as if I were Marty McFly, making like a tree and scramming. We get to the light, which is red and still, Bubba Sparxxx is spitting that booty chatter. Almira slips out, “Huy, there’s a cop behind you.” Fuck, I’m thinking… Fuzz must’ve had a flux capacitor of his own. Light turns green and I proceed to turn left as his lights turn blue and red. Pull into the parking lot, mind is blank, heart is steady, but my balls are shooting into my pelvis.
“You know why I pulled you over?”
“Yeah, I was going a little fast back there”
“Yep, you know how fast you were going?”
“About 45, 47?”
“52.”
“oh…”
“You know the speed limit?”
“40?”
“35…”
To be continued...
It was the weekend of fag master 10's 21st birthday. 21, such an amazing age, saying farewell to underage drinking and fear of the fuzz, and saying hello to 5 dollar beers and crazy ass shots. Ah yes, a milestone in every americana's life. Just like always, we had no plans set in stone. The thing that tony did not realize was that on there ways down the pants of arizona, to the town of twat, were orlando 1 and aro con queso. 9 pm rolls around, they make their arrival and suprise the birthday boy with a cake and some spumoni. It was cute without the e. We had a little dinner, filling our stomachs, awaiting for the plans of the night to unfold. It was the month of March, so we watched some March Madness as calls were made and texts were sent. Eventually we decide to head out to a friend of a friend’s apartment partay, you know how these things go… We roll out and as always, debate over the topic of who was to drive. However, tonight was a special occasion, Matt the rocket scientist through heavy lobbying and filibustering, had recently got his engineering hands on an 01 camaro SS. Ah the Camaro SS, upon looking at the engine block number on the almight LS1, underneath the LS1 imprint, one will find the signature of God, Buddha, Allah, and Chuck Norris. Truly, the mold was broken after forging such a fine piece of machinery. Eager to pilot such a chariot, Matt offers to drive.
We arrive at the party and the cris is flowing. Bitches in thongs all over the place. Pdiddy was there sucking at beer pong, stick to records puff. However, I drank a minimal amount, only having a beer, not even and earlier having a couple at the house. I gander at everyone around the place, here are my notes. Rocket scientist, being the drink pusher that he tends to be is getting everyone fizzurd, including himself and is swilling straight from a tequila bott. Eye brrs, he’s swilling with some of his pancho villa brotheren, Aro, he’s swilling at pickin fights (the meatometer was pegged in the red). Eventually the apartment seccurrrrity came and bounced everybody faster than a dude in high waters at a Scottsdale club. Everyone decides to head back to Sergio’s crib that is about 4-5 miles away. I holler at engineer for his keys to go grab the car. I pull up and him and Almira hop in. I tell him that I will drive cuz I know the way. Everyone hops into god’s chariot and we are out like dookie howser from the closet. Pull onto the road and we are straight bumpin some tunes. “I found you Ms. New Bootttyyyy…..” 1st, 2nd, cruise in 3rd. rolling at about 60. Within seconds we were mobbing down the street. I felt as if I were Marty McFly, making like a tree and scramming. We get to the light, which is red and still, Bubba Sparxxx is spitting that booty chatter. Almira slips out, “Huy, there’s a cop behind you.” Fuck, I’m thinking… Fuzz must’ve had a flux capacitor of his own. Light turns green and I proceed to turn left as his lights turn blue and red. Pull into the parking lot, mind is blank, heart is steady, but my balls are shooting into my pelvis.
“You know why I pulled you over?”
“Yeah, I was going a little fast back there”
“Yep, you know how fast you were going?”
“About 45, 47?”
“52.”
“oh…”
“You know the speed limit?”
“40?”
“35…”
To be continued...