DUI club: Part deuce
At this point, I knew the inevitables were acoming around the mountain when she comes. And she came around the mountain, yes she came…
“Had anything to drink tonight? Your eyes are a little bloodshot….”
I knew it. It was around 1 A.M. and I’m a young bloke. Not a bueno time to be shaking hands with the long arm of the law, mind you, I am 20 years of age. So I tell him that I had a beer like 4 hours ago and that I took some Nyquil for this cold I had. He tells me that I shouldn’t be driving on that stuff… Nyquil that is. Long story short, he asks me to do the field sobriety test, I walk a line and then refuse to do anything else. He breathalyzes me… 0.084… he then tells me that I am getting a DUI and draws my blood. This sucks. So he writes me up a ticket, and boy, let me tell you, he definitely used all of the blank boxes on that damn ticket. And the list goes…
A) Driving with spirituous liquor in the body (DUI)
B) Underage Drinking and driving with spirituous liquor in the body (Underage DUI)
C) Speeding (52 in a 35 or 30, I don’t recall)
D) No Registration (Matt hasn’t registered his NEW car yet)
E) Fictitious Plates (Matt put his old car’s plate on this new puppy)
F) No proof of insurance
I think that’s it… Oh yeah, and they end up towing and impounding matt’s car. I felt real bad for this one. The cop does allow someone to pick us up, mainly picking me up and avoiding jail for the night. I kinda wish I had to go to jail instead of my later punishments. Oh word, I think I said that Matt was in the car with me, no, it was adam… Matt was watching this Disney on fucking ice spectacle go on from the Circle K across the street. So Mensah and one his friends gives a lift back to Sergio’s where we continued to party on, hey, shit has already happened, the world does not stop for petty shit like this. Uggggghhhh, na na na na!
So the kids and I end up chilling at Serg’s for a bit and Huevo comes and gives us a lift home, since the fuzz decided to round up our stallion. Get back to the crib and hit the hay, tomorrow’s gonna be an action packed day.
Morning peaks it’s face through my windows and my slanty eyes open. First thought that runs through my computer, “hey, it musta been a bad dream, DUI, fuck that!”
One of the top 10 saddest moments in my beautiful life, I look at my right arm and see that I have gauze taped to the spot where the pig took my blood. Damn the man. First on the agenda: get matt’s car back. Well, easier said than done, that’s for damn sure. Ahhaha. I call the Po dept and they say that the registered owner of the car can get it out of impound. Hell yes, this won’t be so bad right? I mean, if I impounded MY car, then I would have to wait 30 days to get it back. So we bounce on down to the po’s palace. So check it out, before entering this fine establishment, you have to wait outside the doors and be buzzed in. So we go to the lil window and state our business and shit and are buzzed in. We go to the counter and this cop comes up, this guy looks like John Lithgow, you know, the old bald dude from 3rd rock from the sun…? What a dumbass show. So alas, we attempt to get the car back. One problem, Mr. Orlando has not registered the car under his name yet. Sent packing we are.
Great. So now, we decide to go and register matt’s car. Again, easier said then done. Let me draw this up for you. We first have to go all the way to Chandler from Tucson, go to his house and get the paperwork, then go to the only DMV open on Saturdays in Gilbert, all before 5 p.m., when they close. The current time is… 1 or 2 methinks. So we’re off to the races and onto the 10 we hop, back up the pants of Arizona. So we’re driving and I ask him if he has keys to his house, he doesn’t but I guess there will be someone home, there always is. We finally arrive at Casa de Orlando, It’s like 3. Guess what???? There is nobody FUCKING HOME! The whole family is in downtown phoenix at a park for a fundraiser or something. HAHAHAH, great. So we hop in the g-ride and cruise down to phoenix and after much twisting and turning, we eventually get to his mother and grab the keys, and have to head back to his place. We get back to his place, and bolt to the DMV, I end up going to the wrong one, the one in Mesa, nope, the one we’re supposed to go to is on Greenfield, where the fuck is google maps when you need it? We end up getting to our true destination late and they’re closed. It’s fine because I guess we needed the signature of the previous owner beforehand, we realize now, but still, all I could say was… “ha”.
So down and out we think, what will cheer us up? Ah yes, whataburger. Find one on baseline and in we go for some boobonic beef. So we go into the place and in line is what looks like a character straight out of napoleon dynamite, not only that, but the cat’s on rollerblades. We chomp down some delicious bovine and along with that, our heavy hearts. Back to Tucson we go. We’re mobbing on the 10, over by where the new 202/pecos splits and I look ahead and see this white benz. I josh with matt and tell him “haha, that looks like my ma’s car.” The thing is, I haven’t told my mother about this mishap yet, I wanted to wait until she’s home from work cuz when I do bad shit, it really fucks with her mentally/physically.
I glance at the clock and it’s like 6, hmmm, about the time my mom gets off of work. I get closer to the benz and immediately see her side profile. BRAAAAKKKESSS, as I ease on them and crawl back into the traffic. Hahah, this was an epic moment. It was like playing Metal Gear Solid and being so scared of the exclamation point. Luckily, the feds did not take my ninja skills with Matt’s car and into the night I went.
We get back to Tucson and decide to head back to the Po dept and test our luck again. Hey, maybe we’ll get someone that will let it slide. Get buzzed in and lo and behold, john fucking Lithgow is still there, go home to your wife and kids you shithead. We explain to him that Matt’s going back to PHX and that he wouldn’t be here to get his car, they tell us that he can give power of attorney to me so I can get his car. Just gotta grab a form from office max and get it notarized. One problem, it’s Saturday night, who the fuck notarizes? Anyways, we leave and go out and party for Tony’s bday. I was DD, haha. And what a weekend it continued to be.
To be continued…
“Had anything to drink tonight? Your eyes are a little bloodshot….”
I knew it. It was around 1 A.M. and I’m a young bloke. Not a bueno time to be shaking hands with the long arm of the law, mind you, I am 20 years of age. So I tell him that I had a beer like 4 hours ago and that I took some Nyquil for this cold I had. He tells me that I shouldn’t be driving on that stuff… Nyquil that is. Long story short, he asks me to do the field sobriety test, I walk a line and then refuse to do anything else. He breathalyzes me… 0.084… he then tells me that I am getting a DUI and draws my blood. This sucks. So he writes me up a ticket, and boy, let me tell you, he definitely used all of the blank boxes on that damn ticket. And the list goes…
A) Driving with spirituous liquor in the body (DUI)
B) Underage Drinking and driving with spirituous liquor in the body (Underage DUI)
C) Speeding (52 in a 35 or 30, I don’t recall)
D) No Registration (Matt hasn’t registered his NEW car yet)
E) Fictitious Plates (Matt put his old car’s plate on this new puppy)
F) No proof of insurance
I think that’s it… Oh yeah, and they end up towing and impounding matt’s car. I felt real bad for this one. The cop does allow someone to pick us up, mainly picking me up and avoiding jail for the night. I kinda wish I had to go to jail instead of my later punishments. Oh word, I think I said that Matt was in the car with me, no, it was adam… Matt was watching this Disney on fucking ice spectacle go on from the Circle K across the street. So Mensah and one his friends gives a lift back to Sergio’s where we continued to party on, hey, shit has already happened, the world does not stop for petty shit like this. Uggggghhhh, na na na na!
So the kids and I end up chilling at Serg’s for a bit and Huevo comes and gives us a lift home, since the fuzz decided to round up our stallion. Get back to the crib and hit the hay, tomorrow’s gonna be an action packed day.
Morning peaks it’s face through my windows and my slanty eyes open. First thought that runs through my computer, “hey, it musta been a bad dream, DUI, fuck that!”
One of the top 10 saddest moments in my beautiful life, I look at my right arm and see that I have gauze taped to the spot where the pig took my blood. Damn the man. First on the agenda: get matt’s car back. Well, easier said than done, that’s for damn sure. Ahhaha. I call the Po dept and they say that the registered owner of the car can get it out of impound. Hell yes, this won’t be so bad right? I mean, if I impounded MY car, then I would have to wait 30 days to get it back. So we bounce on down to the po’s palace. So check it out, before entering this fine establishment, you have to wait outside the doors and be buzzed in. So we go to the lil window and state our business and shit and are buzzed in. We go to the counter and this cop comes up, this guy looks like John Lithgow, you know, the old bald dude from 3rd rock from the sun…? What a dumbass show. So alas, we attempt to get the car back. One problem, Mr. Orlando has not registered the car under his name yet. Sent packing we are.
Great. So now, we decide to go and register matt’s car. Again, easier said then done. Let me draw this up for you. We first have to go all the way to Chandler from Tucson, go to his house and get the paperwork, then go to the only DMV open on Saturdays in Gilbert, all before 5 p.m., when they close. The current time is… 1 or 2 methinks. So we’re off to the races and onto the 10 we hop, back up the pants of Arizona. So we’re driving and I ask him if he has keys to his house, he doesn’t but I guess there will be someone home, there always is. We finally arrive at Casa de Orlando, It’s like 3. Guess what???? There is nobody FUCKING HOME! The whole family is in downtown phoenix at a park for a fundraiser or something. HAHAHAH, great. So we hop in the g-ride and cruise down to phoenix and after much twisting and turning, we eventually get to his mother and grab the keys, and have to head back to his place. We get back to his place, and bolt to the DMV, I end up going to the wrong one, the one in Mesa, nope, the one we’re supposed to go to is on Greenfield, where the fuck is google maps when you need it? We end up getting to our true destination late and they’re closed. It’s fine because I guess we needed the signature of the previous owner beforehand, we realize now, but still, all I could say was… “ha”.
So down and out we think, what will cheer us up? Ah yes, whataburger. Find one on baseline and in we go for some boobonic beef. So we go into the place and in line is what looks like a character straight out of napoleon dynamite, not only that, but the cat’s on rollerblades. We chomp down some delicious bovine and along with that, our heavy hearts. Back to Tucson we go. We’re mobbing on the 10, over by where the new 202/pecos splits and I look ahead and see this white benz. I josh with matt and tell him “haha, that looks like my ma’s car.” The thing is, I haven’t told my mother about this mishap yet, I wanted to wait until she’s home from work cuz when I do bad shit, it really fucks with her mentally/physically.
I glance at the clock and it’s like 6, hmmm, about the time my mom gets off of work. I get closer to the benz and immediately see her side profile. BRAAAAKKKESSS, as I ease on them and crawl back into the traffic. Hahah, this was an epic moment. It was like playing Metal Gear Solid and being so scared of the exclamation point. Luckily, the feds did not take my ninja skills with Matt’s car and into the night I went.
We get back to Tucson and decide to head back to the Po dept and test our luck again. Hey, maybe we’ll get someone that will let it slide. Get buzzed in and lo and behold, john fucking Lithgow is still there, go home to your wife and kids you shithead. We explain to him that Matt’s going back to PHX and that he wouldn’t be here to get his car, they tell us that he can give power of attorney to me so I can get his car. Just gotta grab a form from office max and get it notarized. One problem, it’s Saturday night, who the fuck notarizes? Anyways, we leave and go out and party for Tony’s bday. I was DD, haha. And what a weekend it continued to be.
To be continued…