Biweekly Topic: Does Love Really Conquer All?
Who? Stella Lestrange-Savage
What? Does Love Really Conquer All/Scratching The Surface
Why? Because Stella is a Snape through and through and has a problem with the whole range of human emotions thing especially love.
When? Now, Then, Later, Always
Authors Note It's cut for a little bit of language and by a little I mean one or two words.
When we are children, love comes so easily. We begin with loving our parents, regardless of the way we feel about them in later years or even months after birth, there is that initial feeling of affection for the people who gave us life. Our love then supposedly branches out to other members of our family, and as we grow older the people we choose to befriend. That is the kind of love that develops without us realizing it. THAT is the kind of love that we embrace without question because it's natural.
The other kind of love is that which we as adults stumble across in our lovers and mates. That love is what the poets go on and on about. It is the kind you read about in fairytales and little girls dream about while they are tucked away snuggly in their beds. But not this little girl...
Love can be a bit of a foreign concept to me. My parents, brother, Grandfather, Catherine, and Harry Alastor they are all part of that love that should have come naturally. I do believe that I truly love each and every one of them, but sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm suppose to. None of them really know, not a one sees me for who I really am. Oh we Snapes are clever aren't we? They say the branch never falls far from the tree, I wonder if masks are hereditary? Attitude? Speaking freely? Not giving a good God damn? Sure that's who I am, who I'm proud of being...but that is only the surface, only the part I allow people to see.
Then there's my Judas. My Ouji-Sama, my soul mate in the terms of which a soul mate should be taken rather than the way most toss the word around. He is my soul mate because he is my best friend but more. He is the one person who knows me, really knows me and understands me. He breaks through my walls and looks beneath the surface. I love him, truly and honestly love him in a way I will never be able to love anyone else. That is a love reserved specially for him, no one else gets to touch it or handle it in any way. Only I deny myself from ever speaking the words in their entirety or showing it in any way. Even though he can see it, even though I know he knows it, Stella Lestrange-Savage will never bring it into play. For it's not something I want you see...that kind of love would unhinge it's jaws and swallow me whole if I let it.
And there you have it, the whole fucking reason for this little insight into my brain. Because yes kiddos love does conquer all, but not in the way you all are referring to it. It conquers ones self and becomes all someone knows. People let themselves fall so hard and fast into love that when it's inevitably yanked out from underneath them? They are completely crushed, like the world has just literally crumbled around them.
I'm relatively fearless, but I am completely terrified of being conquered by love. To let something that close to me and in turn make me vulnerable is gut wrenchingly horrifying. The simple thought makes my whole being put up those defensive walls in an attempt to block out any possible threat of such a love. Because if the world I have worked so hard on building for myself crumbles around me? I would be left with nothing. It really isn't fair to Nicholas, but I can look down the road and see myself loving him and I'm just...scared.
It's safer this way. I'll give love but not in the way people want it from me. They can't have it entirely. If that makes me selfish then so be it. Because for Stella Lestrange-Savage, love really does conquer all...and if I let it, it would conquer all of me.
What? Does Love Really Conquer All/Scratching The Surface
Why? Because Stella is a Snape through and through and has a problem with the whole range of human emotions thing especially love.
When? Now, Then, Later, Always
Authors Note It's cut for a little bit of language and by a little I mean one or two words.
When we are children, love comes so easily. We begin with loving our parents, regardless of the way we feel about them in later years or even months after birth, there is that initial feeling of affection for the people who gave us life. Our love then supposedly branches out to other members of our family, and as we grow older the people we choose to befriend. That is the kind of love that develops without us realizing it. THAT is the kind of love that we embrace without question because it's natural.
The other kind of love is that which we as adults stumble across in our lovers and mates. That love is what the poets go on and on about. It is the kind you read about in fairytales and little girls dream about while they are tucked away snuggly in their beds. But not this little girl...
Love can be a bit of a foreign concept to me. My parents, brother, Grandfather, Catherine, and Harry Alastor they are all part of that love that should have come naturally. I do believe that I truly love each and every one of them, but sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm suppose to. None of them really know, not a one sees me for who I really am. Oh we Snapes are clever aren't we? They say the branch never falls far from the tree, I wonder if masks are hereditary? Attitude? Speaking freely? Not giving a good God damn? Sure that's who I am, who I'm proud of being...but that is only the surface, only the part I allow people to see.
Then there's my Judas. My Ouji-Sama, my soul mate in the terms of which a soul mate should be taken rather than the way most toss the word around. He is my soul mate because he is my best friend but more. He is the one person who knows me, really knows me and understands me. He breaks through my walls and looks beneath the surface. I love him, truly and honestly love him in a way I will never be able to love anyone else. That is a love reserved specially for him, no one else gets to touch it or handle it in any way. Only I deny myself from ever speaking the words in their entirety or showing it in any way. Even though he can see it, even though I know he knows it, Stella Lestrange-Savage will never bring it into play. For it's not something I want you see...that kind of love would unhinge it's jaws and swallow me whole if I let it.
And there you have it, the whole fucking reason for this little insight into my brain. Because yes kiddos love does conquer all, but not in the way you all are referring to it. It conquers ones self and becomes all someone knows. People let themselves fall so hard and fast into love that when it's inevitably yanked out from underneath them? They are completely crushed, like the world has just literally crumbled around them.
I'm relatively fearless, but I am completely terrified of being conquered by love. To let something that close to me and in turn make me vulnerable is gut wrenchingly horrifying. The simple thought makes my whole being put up those defensive walls in an attempt to block out any possible threat of such a love. Because if the world I have worked so hard on building for myself crumbles around me? I would be left with nothing. It really isn't fair to Nicholas, but I can look down the road and see myself loving him and I'm just...scared.
It's safer this way. I'll give love but not in the way people want it from me. They can't have it entirely. If that makes me selfish then so be it. Because for Stella Lestrange-Savage, love really does conquer all...and if I let it, it would conquer all of me.