(no subject)
Who? Severus Snape and Remus Lupin
What? A conversation after this and directly this.
When? Now in the grownhp6words comm
Why? Because Remus doesn't know when to leave someone alone when it looks like they need company.
Author's note: Clarifying just in case: like the Harry and Severus conversation had it marked, this is also for mun knowledge only.
Remus: ...do you need to talk somewhere more private, perhaps?
Sev: *looking up at the heavens* Cor, you bloody lions are presistant things aren't you?
Remus: *lips twitch very slightly* You cannot truly expect me to let you walk out looking like that, without at least trying to talk to you.
Sev: ...wouldn't you enjoy a nice game of fetch instead of chasing after me?
Remus: Mm, it is not the full moon yet, so no.
Sev: *runs a hand through his hair* Go away Creature
Remus: *...sighs under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose* If you are going to insult me, at least make it a good one will you? You used that one far too many times already.
Sev: How about we save both of us the trouble...go back to the school, Lupin. They need you. I don't.
Remus: *frowns slightly. after a very long pause* It doesn't work that way, you know.
Remus: I didn't 'need' you before either, but we...talked.
Remus: And you do need it. But all right.
Remus : I'll...be here. You know I will.
Sev: *shoulders drop* Do you love the school, Lupin?
Remus: *brow furrows* Of course I do.
Sev: It deserves someone who loves it.
Remus: ...no.
Remus: You better not be saying what I think you're... Not this again, Severus.
Sev: ... *close his eyes* No. Of course not.
Remus: ...then?
Sev: That's not how it works is it? *turns* You want to hear it but only if it's what you wish...the right words. The good mask. The comfort. The patience. That Headmaster. That's what you all want. You want the man who died for Harry...not the one who broke him and laughed about it.
Sev: Alright. Give me a second. I know this one.
Remus: I want to hear the truth. I don't want to hear lies because I know you care for this school as much as I do, if not more.
Sev: *lifts his chin* Fuck you!
Sev: You don't know anything about me, creature!
Sev: You never did.
Remus: *...laughs under his breath* Is this the game we are playing, then? Honestly?
Sev: *just livid* Go to hell. I don't you owe a damn thing. I don't owe ANY of you anything and I'm sick and tired of this...fucking... *just screams*
Remus: *doesn't say anything but doesn't blink in surprise at all. just calm, not moving*
Remus: *quietly after a moment* What don't I know, then? I know you broke Harry. What don't I know, Severus? That you are a monster too, underneath it all? I know that as well.
Sev: *quiets down*
Remus: I haven't left before. I'm not leaving now.
Remus: I know. Bloody lions and all that rot, but... Blame the Sorting Hat.
Sev: *staring at the ground* ...I don't have it in me to fight. Remus.
Remus: ...then don't.
Sev: If I don't fight, I'll drown. Or I will. I- I don't have it in me to hate. To love. *frowns a little* I don't love Lily
Sev: Not Catherine, Judas...Ellis....the school. Not- *closes eyes*
Remus: *frowns, now actually showing his concern, but asks quietly* What are you talking about?
Sev: *shoulders lax* It's gone.
Sev: It was gone when she asked me to kill me her. No...that's not right. Wrong time. It was after that. It was when she...died.
Remus: Who are you talking about?
Sev: Azkaban. She died. She was my student...and she...asked me...
Sev: *looks up* Pansy. She was a Slytherin. Of Harry's year...she...wasn't a Death Eater. Not an Order member. She left the school during the battle. She never fought for anything...she was just a kid who loved a boy and...
Sev: And... *closes his eyes* he was going to kill her, Remus. Voldemort would have...and...
Remus: *blinks then and gives a small nod* ...yes, I knew her. *stays silent for a long moment, but not judging. just...processing everything*
Sev: ...not my House, Remus. Albus asked for Harry...to be used like pigs to the slaughter....like cows...he used them all and...he was just like him. The Dark Lord. All that time, he said I had changed...that it was finished. I would never have to those things for anyone again and he...Lily's son, and...
Sev: ...and I let him. But not my House, not Slytherin. They would have been used for the wrong side of the battle. He would have taken them.
Sev: But he got them anyways. He got me anyways. It didn't matter. I...lost anyways
Remus: *shoulders slump very slightly, quietly still* It is Voldemort, Severus. He... He has taken everything away from us, at one point or another. I don't know anyone who was lucky enough to escape from this unharmed. But you... You preferred to be the one to take your student rather than letting him take her. You may not believe me, but... I do understand that.
Sev: At what cost
Sev: No, that's wrong. The cost was worth it. I have everything now, don't I?
Remus: If Voldemort would have killed her instead... What would the cost be instead? Would you have kept what you had then, if you had let it happen? If it hadn't been you?
Remus: I doubt your soul would have known the difference. You would be much worse if he would have done it.
Sev: ...what soul?
Remus: The 'it' you keep saying that's gone. Or, fine, the fire or whatever it is you want to call it. If you feel you lost something that night, then you had something to lose.
Sev: *swallows, pushing his hands over his eyes*
Remus: *tentatively reaches for him to give his shoulder a small squeeze - if he lets him*
Sev: *flinches but doesn't pull away* A moment. I'll be better in the morning.
Sev: I always am.
Remus: *reluctantly after a long pause* ...all right.
Sev: *quietly, his face devoid of all emotion* Take care of the school for a few days.
Sev: I'll be fine. I just need a moment...quiet the heart and focus.
Remus: *tries to quiet his own heart, which is damn impossible, but nods very slightly* Owl if you need anything. I don't need masks or for you to sugarcoat anything. Ever. So don't you use that as an excuse.
Sev: *slow nod*
What? A conversation after this and directly this.
When? Now in the grownhp6words comm
Why? Because Remus doesn't know when to leave someone alone when it looks like they need company.
Author's note: Clarifying just in case: like the Harry and Severus conversation had it marked, this is also for mun knowledge only.
Remus: ...do you need to talk somewhere more private, perhaps?
Sev: *looking up at the heavens* Cor, you bloody lions are presistant things aren't you?
Remus: *lips twitch very slightly* You cannot truly expect me to let you walk out looking like that, without at least trying to talk to you.
Sev: ...wouldn't you enjoy a nice game of fetch instead of chasing after me?
Remus: Mm, it is not the full moon yet, so no.
Sev: *runs a hand through his hair* Go away Creature
Remus: *...sighs under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose* If you are going to insult me, at least make it a good one will you? You used that one far too many times already.
Sev: How about we save both of us the trouble...go back to the school, Lupin. They need you. I don't.
Remus: *frowns slightly. after a very long pause* It doesn't work that way, you know.
Remus: I didn't 'need' you before either, but we...talked.
Remus: And you do need it. But all right.
Remus : I'll...be here. You know I will.
Sev: *shoulders drop* Do you love the school, Lupin?
Remus: *brow furrows* Of course I do.
Sev: It deserves someone who loves it.
Remus: ...no.
Remus: You better not be saying what I think you're... Not this again, Severus.
Sev: ... *close his eyes* No. Of course not.
Remus: ...then?
Sev: That's not how it works is it? *turns* You want to hear it but only if it's what you wish...the right words. The good mask. The comfort. The patience. That Headmaster. That's what you all want. You want the man who died for Harry...not the one who broke him and laughed about it.
Sev: Alright. Give me a second. I know this one.
Remus: I want to hear the truth. I don't want to hear lies because I know you care for this school as much as I do, if not more.
Sev: *lifts his chin* Fuck you!
Sev: You don't know anything about me, creature!
Sev: You never did.
Remus: *...laughs under his breath* Is this the game we are playing, then? Honestly?
Sev: *just livid* Go to hell. I don't you owe a damn thing. I don't owe ANY of you anything and I'm sick and tired of this...fucking... *just screams*
Remus: *doesn't say anything but doesn't blink in surprise at all. just calm, not moving*
Remus: *quietly after a moment* What don't I know, then? I know you broke Harry. What don't I know, Severus? That you are a monster too, underneath it all? I know that as well.
Sev: *quiets down*
Remus: I haven't left before. I'm not leaving now.
Remus: I know. Bloody lions and all that rot, but... Blame the Sorting Hat.
Sev: *staring at the ground* ...I don't have it in me to fight. Remus.
Remus: ...then don't.
Sev: If I don't fight, I'll drown. Or I will. I- I don't have it in me to hate. To love. *frowns a little* I don't love Lily
Sev: Not Catherine, Judas...Ellis....the school. Not- *closes eyes*
Remus: *frowns, now actually showing his concern, but asks quietly* What are you talking about?
Sev: *shoulders lax* It's gone.
Sev: It was gone when she asked me to kill me her. No...that's not right. Wrong time. It was after that. It was when she...died.
Remus: Who are you talking about?
Sev: Azkaban. She died. She was my student...and she...asked me...
Sev: *looks up* Pansy. She was a Slytherin. Of Harry's year...she...wasn't a Death Eater. Not an Order member. She left the school during the battle. She never fought for anything...she was just a kid who loved a boy and...
Sev: And... *closes his eyes* he was going to kill her, Remus. Voldemort would have...and...
Remus: *blinks then and gives a small nod* ...yes, I knew her. *stays silent for a long moment, but not judging. just...processing everything*
Sev: ...not my House, Remus. Albus asked for Harry...to be used like pigs to the slaughter....like cows...he used them all and...he was just like him. The Dark Lord. All that time, he said I had changed...that it was finished. I would never have to those things for anyone again and he...Lily's son, and...
Sev: ...and I let him. But not my House, not Slytherin. They would have been used for the wrong side of the battle. He would have taken them.
Sev: But he got them anyways. He got me anyways. It didn't matter. I...lost anyways
Remus: *shoulders slump very slightly, quietly still* It is Voldemort, Severus. He... He has taken everything away from us, at one point or another. I don't know anyone who was lucky enough to escape from this unharmed. But you... You preferred to be the one to take your student rather than letting him take her. You may not believe me, but... I do understand that.
Sev: At what cost
Sev: No, that's wrong. The cost was worth it. I have everything now, don't I?
Remus: If Voldemort would have killed her instead... What would the cost be instead? Would you have kept what you had then, if you had let it happen? If it hadn't been you?
Remus: I doubt your soul would have known the difference. You would be much worse if he would have done it.
Sev: ...what soul?
Remus: The 'it' you keep saying that's gone. Or, fine, the fire or whatever it is you want to call it. If you feel you lost something that night, then you had something to lose.
Sev: *swallows, pushing his hands over his eyes*
Remus: *tentatively reaches for him to give his shoulder a small squeeze - if he lets him*
Sev: *flinches but doesn't pull away* A moment. I'll be better in the morning.
Sev: I always am.
Remus: *reluctantly after a long pause* ...all right.
Sev: *quietly, his face devoid of all emotion* Take care of the school for a few days.
Sev: I'll be fine. I just need a moment...quiet the heart and focus.
Remus: *tries to quiet his own heart, which is damn impossible, but nods very slightly* Owl if you need anything. I don't need masks or for you to sugarcoat anything. Ever. So don't you use that as an excuse.
Sev: *slow nod*