(no subject)
Last weekend was pretty rough. I felt depressed and I had no idea why. Maybe it was just a sort of withdrawal from my bad habits. I'm not used to being by myself undistracted... without bingeing. It was made so much worse by the fact that I can't even cry to get it out in a healthier way... there is no privacy here. I have no place to be alone.
I had a friend (who does not know about my e.d.) call me a couple times for support / distraction. But even then I had to censor my conversation because I don't have a cell... and I share a room.
So, of course, guess what I spent this weekend doing... stuffing my fat face. :/ So much for not bringing bad habits with me to college.
I feel guilty for being overweight... like I'm throwing away the privilege others have granted me because of my unhealthy body and unattractive looks. And in my mind... the way to solve that is to starve. Like restricting isn't as bad for me as overeating? ... My brain is retarded.
I guess that's where I'm heading, though. :/ ... restrict, restrict. I'm going to try not to get too wrapped up in it...
I had a friend (who does not know about my e.d.) call me a couple times for support / distraction. But even then I had to censor my conversation because I don't have a cell... and I share a room.
So, of course, guess what I spent this weekend doing... stuffing my fat face. :/ So much for not bringing bad habits with me to college.
I feel guilty for being overweight... like I'm throwing away the privilege others have granted me because of my unhealthy body and unattractive looks. And in my mind... the way to solve that is to starve. Like restricting isn't as bad for me as overeating? ... My brain is retarded.
I guess that's where I'm heading, though. :/ ... restrict, restrict. I'm going to try not to get too wrapped up in it...