Here’s our first writing assignment. We call these “Kickstarters.” It’s a half-dozen dialogue prompts to kickstart a story. Start with it, end with it, or plant it in the middle, but use the quote.( Read more... )
Title: With the Paper Author: Extrabitter Rating: PG Prompt: “There are worse things than this,” he said softly, and she shook her head. Warning: Written in about 90 minutes of working time, then edited once. Please consider this a draft. Word count is about 1,000. Notes: I have never tried writing these characters before, but the idea that became the guts of this piece has been at the back of my mind for some time now, and it's good to get it written.
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Excellent characterizations. Quick, count on your left hand how many times that's been said about Foreman! Seriously, though, I think he's hard for people to write because he is so well-adjusted and normal. You've captured his humor perfectly -- I love that line about House making medicine a nine-to-five job, and Cameron's sly comeback, too
( ... )
The thing that struck me about this piece when I reread it is the line about the scenery passing through Cameron's peripheral vision, as if she's standing still and the world around her is moving. I have no idea why I wrote the sentence that way, switching what should be the object to the subject position, it just kind of came out that way, but the image itself is a lot more powerful than I remembered.
That's the great thing about exercises. I'm very glad this community will have them. BTW, it might be cool for people who want to work on summaries to write them for other people's entries in order to look at a whole and draw from it the critical points without the bias of having written it.
Title: Last Things Author: PWCorgigirl Rating: PG Warnings: None My prompt was: “There are worse things than this,” he said softly, and she shook her head. Notes: 615 words, and I changed the tense of the prompt. Here's the link to the story: Last Things Writing critiques gladly received. Please comment below.
This is wonderful, this snapshot of House and Stacy's first farewell reads like a kick to the gut. It's so easy to let a scenario like this get out of hand but the plain and clear descriptions work well to understate the pain of their parting. And when House grabs Stacy's hand and she thinks there still may be a chance--powerful.
I hope you don't mind, I had a question with one imagery choice: A curtain of red heat flares behind her eyes; I tend to associate the word "curtain" with falling, closing, hiding, not lashing out the way she does.
And:
A curtain of red heat flares behind her eyes, and rising, she slaps him hard across the face. He doesn’t move, though she hit him hard enough to make her palm sting, hard enough to raise a handprint on his cheek.
He sits, motionless, until he hears the door close behind her, hears the sound of her car fade away, and lifts his hand to his face.I thought the POV change here was too abrupt; perhaps you could include more of Stacy's view after she slaps him, until she closes the door on him?
( ... )
Thanks. You were right, and I fixed those little glitches. The change was rather abrupt because I wanted to keep the piece very short and needed to give it back to House for the ending.
I love it that you used the word "snapshot" to describe this piece. That's exactly how I thought of it, like a photograph shot in available light.
I really like the first line. For me, that's the hardest thing to write on just about anything. Yours is a very good statement of the theme. For a short piece, I think that's essential.
It's true that the show's writers completely soured me on Stacy. I've had enough, and I never want to see that character again. I want the show to move on, and fan fiction writers to move on with it, but the moment you chose is very compelling stuff, and you kept them both in character. (Better than the show's writers at the end of "Need to Know," if you want my honest opinion.)
What you wrote isn't a clean break, but it's clean enough for both of them to get on with their lives.
You could probably turn this into something if you wanted to. The beauty of an exercise is that it might lead to something bigger, but it doesn't have to.
Title: Mother's Intuition Author: Topaz Eyes Rating: PG-13 Prompt: 5. “There are worse things than this,” he said softly, and she shook her head.
Approximately 1200 words. What I really need to know here is whether this interpretation of House's relationship with his mother is valid or not. (I'm working on a fic where it will be important.) And of course any and every other comment and criticism is welcomed.
I'm kind of torn on the dynamic as you wrote it. In "Daddy's Boy," my impression was that the whole thing, the relationship between House and both his parents, was a little less functional. It seemed to me that John was the one making the effort on Blythe's behalf, possibly because she couldn't bear the tension between her husband and her son
( ... )
Thank you for your insight, this is exactly what I need. I also thought in "Daddy's Boy" that House's relationship with Blythe was less functional than it appeared on the surface, simply from his later comments to Cameron about Blythe. I wanted to explore that a bit in this ficlet, in preparation for the other story I'm working on
( ... )
I liked this, especially the use of the prompt. On a first glance it seems a little wordy at times, though, especially the dialogue. I have a tendency to overuse adverbs and qualifiers in writing myself, so maybe that's why lines like this stood out to me:
"I didn't fully appreciate how much I wanted to live until I was forced to seriously consider the alternative."
I think this would read more smoothly and also feel more true as dialogue without the second adverb.
I like your characterization of Cameron seen through Chase's eyes -- it rings true with what we've seen of her on the show. Chase thinking about how he doesn't want to complicate his life professionally or personally is very Chase, too.
Yup, you're absolutely right about the wordiness. I tend to write more than I need on the first pass and trim it down on subsequent edits. This, obviously, hasn't been edited enough. ;-)
Glad you found Chase and Cameron believable. Cameron I've scribbled with a bit, but this was really my first crack at Chase. I didn't know how I was going to like writing to a prompt, but with characters I've spent so much less time thinking about from a writer's perspective, it was really helpful to put the prompt at the end. It gave me a sense of forward motion in the fic, and a definite end point. This was fun!
Oh, I like this. Chase taking her out for a drink to celebrate "knowing for sure" is a nice coda to the last time he tried to take her out for a "cheer you up" drink.
There's a kind of reflected image of his thoughts about not pursuing a relationship with Cameron and their conversation about the patient. I really like that, and the contrast between Chase, who is being very rational in his argument with himself, and Margo, who is willing to go to insane lengths to preserve an illusion in her marriage, is very nicely done.
You've made that reflection work all the way through, with this ". . . a relationship that isn't based on trust will eventually die on its own. How can they be happy together if they can't even be honest with each other?" coming way before the prompt moment at the end.
You've made very good use of the prompt, with those words and her covering his hand with hers giving the story such a tenderness and sweetness. That's a lovely moment of creating a bridge to trust.
The Masterpiece CollectionnamasteyogaApril 9 2006, 16:20:34 UTC
Title: The Masterpiece Collection Author: Namaste Rating: All My prompt was: “Gimme,” House said and plucked the meal check from Wilson’s hand. “Did the earth just start rotating backward?” Wilson asked.
I also decided to challenge myself by limiting my writing time to 45 minutes, with a max of 30 minutes for re-write and edit, since short and simple is not my typical style. (It’s been so long I sent something out un-betaed I practically feel naked.)
This is a tag for the end of the Season Two episode “Safe.”
Re: The Masterpiece Collectiontopaz_eyesApril 9 2006, 21:16:29 UTC
I like this very much--I like how you weave the movie references into the narrative (especially the Superman one). The quiet sense of despair you evoke is fantastic, juxtaposed against House's levity at Wilson's choice in movies. This was a great use of the prompt.
One minor quibble I saw was with the transition here:
He pulled into the mall parking lot on an impulse.
Wilson was just starting to relax into the familiar dialogue when House came home.
Either a couple more sentences to lead into the next scene, or a firm break between, would help; I just found this transition jarring. (And I agree, it's odd to post something unbeta'ed.)
Re: The Masterpiece CollectionnamasteyogaApril 9 2006, 21:49:57 UTC
That transition point would be the point where I realized I was at the 30-minute mark of my self-imposed timeline and still needed to get to the prompt. (I did allow myself time to consider the basic structure of the fic before the actual start of writing, by the way.)
I think I'd normally just put a line break between those to set it apart if I couldn't think of a better transition.
Re: The Masterpiece CollectionpwcorgigirlApril 10 2006, 14:25:47 UTC
I like this very much. There's a wonderful lightness to it, with the underlying notion of old habits and how ingrained they become. The image of the bare trees is very good: Wilson now has to look at things in a different light.
The lines about why the new box set is improved are very funny and perfectly in character.
Excellent use of the prompt. There are comic possibilities in House turning around and weaseling out of the check, but it's really nice (and part of his established attempt to take care of Wilson in his own warped way) that he paid it.
Comments 60
Author: Extrabitter
Rating: PG
Prompt: “There are worse things than this,” he said softly, and she shook her head.
Warning: Written in about 90 minutes of working time, then edited once. Please consider this a draft. Word count is about 1,000.
Notes: I have never tried writing these characters before, but the idea that became the guts of this piece has been at the back of my mind for some time now, and it's good to get it written.
Link will open in a new window. Please comment here if you wish.
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That's the great thing about exercises. I'm very glad this community will have them. BTW, it might be cool for people who want to work on summaries to write them for other people's entries in order to look at a whole and draw from it the critical points without the bias of having written it.
Just a thought.
Reply
Nice piece.
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Author: PWCorgigirl
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
My prompt was: “There are worse things than this,” he said softly, and she shook her head.
Notes: 615 words, and I changed the tense of the prompt. Here's the link to the story: Last Things Writing critiques gladly received. Please comment below.
Reply
I hope you don't mind, I had a question with one imagery choice: A curtain of red heat flares behind her eyes; I tend to associate the word "curtain" with falling, closing, hiding, not lashing out the way she does.
And:
A curtain of red heat flares behind her eyes, and rising, she slaps him hard across the face. He doesn’t move, though she hit him hard enough to make her palm sting, hard enough to raise a handprint on his cheek.
He sits, motionless, until he hears the door close behind her, hears the sound of her car fade away, and lifts his hand to his face.I thought the POV change here was too abrupt; perhaps you could include more of Stacy's view after she slaps him, until she closes the door on him? ( ... )
Reply
I love it that you used the word "snapshot" to describe this piece. That's exactly how I thought of it, like a photograph shot in available light.
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It's true that the show's writers completely soured me on Stacy. I've had enough, and I never want to see that character again. I want the show to move on, and fan fiction writers to move on with it, but the moment you chose is very compelling stuff, and you kept them both in character. (Better than the show's writers at the end of "Need to Know," if you want my honest opinion.)
What you wrote isn't a clean break, but it's clean enough for both of them to get on with their lives.
You could probably turn this into something if you wanted to. The beauty of an exercise is that it might lead to something bigger, but it doesn't have to.
Reply
Author: Topaz Eyes
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: 5. “There are worse things than this,” he said softly, and she shook her head.
Approximately 1200 words. What I really need to know here is whether this interpretation of House's relationship with his mother is valid or not. (I'm working on a fic where it will be important.) And of course any and every other comment and criticism is welcomed.
Reply
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Author: logastellus
Rating: PG
I took a small liberty with the prompt, which was "You talk in your sleep," he said, and was surprised when she smiled.
Concrit welcome!
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"I didn't fully appreciate how much I wanted to live until I was forced to seriously consider the alternative."
I think this would read more smoothly and also feel more true as dialogue without the second adverb.
I like your characterization of Cameron seen through Chase's eyes -- it rings true with what we've seen of her on the show. Chase thinking about how he doesn't want to complicate his life professionally or personally is very Chase, too.
Reply
Glad you found Chase and Cameron believable. Cameron I've scribbled with a bit, but this was really my first crack at Chase. I didn't know how I was going to like writing to a prompt, but with characters I've spent so much less time thinking about from a writer's perspective, it was really helpful to put the prompt at the end. It gave me a sense of forward motion in the fic, and a definite end point. This was fun!
Reply
There's a kind of reflected image of his thoughts about not pursuing a relationship with Cameron and their conversation about the patient. I really like that, and the contrast between Chase, who is being very rational in his argument with himself, and Margo, who is willing to go to insane lengths to preserve an illusion in her marriage, is very nicely done.
You've made that reflection work all the way through, with this ". . . a relationship that isn't based on trust will eventually die on its own. How can they be happy together if they can't even be honest with each other?" coming way before the prompt moment at the end.
You've made very good use of the prompt, with those words and her covering his hand with hers giving the story such a tenderness and sweetness. That's a lovely moment of creating a bridge to trust.
Reply
Author: Namaste
Rating: All
My prompt was: “Gimme,” House said and plucked the meal check from Wilson’s hand. “Did the earth just start rotating backward?” Wilson asked.
I also decided to challenge myself by limiting my writing time to 45 minutes, with a max of 30 minutes for re-write and edit, since short and simple is not my typical style. (It’s been so long I sent something out un-betaed I practically feel naked.)
This is a tag for the end of the Season Two episode “Safe.”
Read it here:
http://namasteyoga.livejournal.com/4797.html#cutid1
Reply
One minor quibble I saw was with the transition here:
He pulled into the mall parking lot on an impulse.
Wilson was just starting to relax into the familiar dialogue when House came home.
Either a couple more sentences to lead into the next scene, or a firm break between, would help; I just found this transition jarring. (And I agree, it's odd to post something unbeta'ed.)
Reply
I think I'd normally just put a line break between those to set it apart if I couldn't think of a better transition.
Reply
The lines about why the new box set is improved are very funny and perfectly in character.
Excellent use of the prompt. There are comic possibilities in House turning around and weaseling out of the check, but it's really nice (and part of his established attempt to take care of Wilson in his own warped way) that he paid it.
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