(no subject)
It's getting closer to Christmas and new year and the obligation to cheerfully gather round the table is so disgusting to me. I'm trying to figure out which will be worse, lunch with Dad and Joan and dad's friends, or dinner with Lesley/Robin/grandma/other relatives. My brother and Edel will also be at both things. Don't know how I feel about any of it, except unfestive. I could probably bail on everything and not get too much disapproval from either corner, but it might be worse doing that. It's one day, I'm sure I'll survive, and eat lots of pudding, and get things I neither want nor deserve. It really is just the anticipation leading up to everything that is torturous. I remember being a kid and being so excited and impatient for Christmas that it almost hurt.
Wednesday this week will be one year since mum died. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to do any memorial type things or family things. Mum was never keen on "get together and reminisce" type things and neither am I. I think it will be a busy day anyway what with piano kids and band practice. I'll either keep busy and try not to dwell on it, or cancel everything and stay in bed.
Not everything is depressing! I have been having a good time ever since uni finished. It's awkward having this little cloud of dread following me around, but I guess it builds character or whatever.
Wednesday this week will be one year since mum died. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to do any memorial type things or family things. Mum was never keen on "get together and reminisce" type things and neither am I. I think it will be a busy day anyway what with piano kids and band practice. I'll either keep busy and try not to dwell on it, or cancel everything and stay in bed.
Not everything is depressing! I have been having a good time ever since uni finished. It's awkward having this little cloud of dread following me around, but I guess it builds character or whatever.