Down in the Dumps
I'm sure everyone has had one, if not several people in their lives, that they had to turn down. Well, an un-named female, that I liked roughly a 1 1/2 ago, just before I met Melissa. FYI- before Melissa, lol. Well, she was married at the time, and we grew into good friends in the past year or so. Well, she has went through a ton of shitheads since splitting with her ex. In the process of going through all this heartbreak, she never once thought of me. Well, guess who is at the top of her "To Do" list now? Good Ole ME. Right now I have so much shit going on in my life, mainly family, but lets not forget the severe feelings I have for Melissa. Though those feelings haven't, and don't seem as if they are going to take me anywhere for a while, they are strong feelings nonetheless. So, I am feeling really shitty about denying her. I'm not sure about anything else, but, I think there are a few girls around, that would at least give me a chance, but, my heart doesnt want a chance.
I don't want that chance for several reasons. One, it's just a personal choice, I don't want to give up on what my heart feels and believes, secondly, If I could get past my own feelings, I don't think Melissa could handle another female in my life. Her and Shaun are so rocky right now, that, if I wasn't there, and able to give her 100% of my attention, friendship, love, etc... She would be bad off.
She is a dear friend, and I vowed never to lose my best male friend Dave to a girl, I pretty much have the same promise to her, even though the circumstances are quite different. In no way am I blaming Lissa, cause at this point, I cant get past my own feelings. I mean, I can be physically attracted, but, Melissa is in my heart, and I have no motivation to interact with a female on more than a friendship level.
I don't feel any need to put Lissa's shit out in the open, but, her and Shaun had a MOBIGIMOUS problem saturday night. As usual I was there at the drop of a hat, to comfort her, and get her through it. I don't really know how well it was settled, but, it was. No biggie. But, Sunday, I don't remember why, but, I was feeling like shit, and really needed some comfort, Dave is out of town for a week, so, I thought Melissa would have no problem hanging out, even if she had to argue with Shaun, because I literally begged her to hang with me. I ended up watching movies at home. I was very disappointed, hurt, sad, you know... When I told her that I was upset, and why, she told me to give her a "goddamned break," like my needing her was too much? I am still a little hurt, but, I've kinda taken a new approach to life, that includes not holding a grudge, or staying mad or upset over stupid shit. But, anyway you cut it, it hurt me and disappointed me. Oh well, everything happens for a reason I guess? I swear, it doesnt matter how many friends, or how many family members you have, if you dont have someone to share your love with, LIFE IS FUCKING LONELY. I am on vacation next week, and I have a feeling, there are gonna be a few nights, that I actually contemplate going in to work, because I am bored and lonely. How fucking pathetic is that? Well, writing this has only made me realize how bad off depressed I actually am. So, I am going to try and find something to make me happy until I go to work. Later...
I don't want that chance for several reasons. One, it's just a personal choice, I don't want to give up on what my heart feels and believes, secondly, If I could get past my own feelings, I don't think Melissa could handle another female in my life. Her and Shaun are so rocky right now, that, if I wasn't there, and able to give her 100% of my attention, friendship, love, etc... She would be bad off.
She is a dear friend, and I vowed never to lose my best male friend Dave to a girl, I pretty much have the same promise to her, even though the circumstances are quite different. In no way am I blaming Lissa, cause at this point, I cant get past my own feelings. I mean, I can be physically attracted, but, Melissa is in my heart, and I have no motivation to interact with a female on more than a friendship level.
I don't feel any need to put Lissa's shit out in the open, but, her and Shaun had a MOBIGIMOUS problem saturday night. As usual I was there at the drop of a hat, to comfort her, and get her through it. I don't really know how well it was settled, but, it was. No biggie. But, Sunday, I don't remember why, but, I was feeling like shit, and really needed some comfort, Dave is out of town for a week, so, I thought Melissa would have no problem hanging out, even if she had to argue with Shaun, because I literally begged her to hang with me. I ended up watching movies at home. I was very disappointed, hurt, sad, you know... When I told her that I was upset, and why, she told me to give her a "goddamned break," like my needing her was too much? I am still a little hurt, but, I've kinda taken a new approach to life, that includes not holding a grudge, or staying mad or upset over stupid shit. But, anyway you cut it, it hurt me and disappointed me. Oh well, everything happens for a reason I guess? I swear, it doesnt matter how many friends, or how many family members you have, if you dont have someone to share your love with, LIFE IS FUCKING LONELY. I am on vacation next week, and I have a feeling, there are gonna be a few nights, that I actually contemplate going in to work, because I am bored and lonely. How fucking pathetic is that? Well, writing this has only made me realize how bad off depressed I actually am. So, I am going to try and find something to make me happy until I go to work. Later...