[Fanfic] And All That Jazz 16/20

[hoshiko2]

Title: And All That Jazz
Pairings: Alfred (US)/ Arthur (UK)
Characters: America and England with Bad Touch Trio and Matthew
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mentions of character death
Summary: Alfred is approached by the Student Body President, Arthur, for help on his math exam. They hate each other, but maybe opposites can attract with the help of something unexpected.
This chapter: Arthur decides to jump, hoping Alfred will catch him. Hoping Alfred will take the hint and jump too.


I consider myself a pretty predictable chap. I remain calm for the majority of the day until I can't tolerate people anymore, then I hide away in my room with my mobile and Alfred's voice to soothe me to sleep. If Alfred is unavailable, I generally will listen to jazz and even practice on the small keyboard my family bought me for Christmas. Recently, I had even begun taking guitar lessons, curtsey of Antonio.

So when people see me sitting in the main lobby of the dorm rooms with my head in my hands, everyone knows something is up. I didn't want to escape to my room because it reminded me of Alfred. The boy that was scaring me to the point of depression.

Those promises had melted into nothing with the coming of spring. Neither one of us had acted on anything. That isn't to say it was for malicious reasons or that we forgot; we just both became extremely busy with our school life. Alfred was truly clamping down on his school work and was aiming for straight A's. Proud as I was, I wanted to spend more time with him, but college had broken our agreement and cut in on my social life.

It had been a month since I had seen Alfred. An entire month.

"Mon ami, what is wrong?"

I looked through my fingers to see the Bad Touch Trio, as they had become known on campus, sit down on the couch opposite me. They looked genuinely worried about me. I dropped my hands and head with a loud sigh.

"I know that sigh," Francis said, tapping his chin. "That's the sigh of Alfred has done something wrong again, no?"

"Is it that obvious," I mumbled.

The trio nodded in unison.

"Oui."

"Si."

"Ja."

I lifted my head and flopped back against the couch, my arms lying limply on the seat beside me with my legs jutting out. "Brilliant… I'm in such deep Barney."

"Who is Barney?" Antonio asked.

"Barney… Barney Rubble?" I looked at them as they kept their blank stares on me. "Trouble!"

"Oh!" the trio exclaimed at once in understanding. I sighed again in frustration.

"What's the problem this time?" Gilbert asked. "I thought Alfred did this totally romantic thing on your guys' first year."

"He did," I said, blushing slightly. "He took me to a Jazz concert and then we walked and…then…"

"You got lucky," the trio said in unison. It was really starting to get creepy how well they did that.

I nodded while blushing like some virgin. I'm sure my neighbors had heard either one of us scream at one point. Alfred was gradually getting louder and there were times I lost myself to his body. However, I was still very nervous of public displays of affection, choosing to hold just our fingers rather than our hands. Alfred was smart enough to know he would only be bold when there was absolutely no one around.

"So then what's the problem now?" Gilbert asked.

To be honest, I felt extremely uncomfortable telling these three boys my personal problems, especially ones that dealt with my relationship with Alfred. It was awkward enough as it was that the band knew we were together. I preferred Francis and Gilbert, especially Francis, didn't know of anything past the status. However, I was desperate. I must have been to come to a Frenchman for help.

"Distance… I guess we're not ready for it. It's put a strain on our relationship," I started. Better to begin with explaining something very trivial compared to the real reason.

"That is only natural," Antonio said, smiling at me sympathetically. "But distance makes the heart grow fonder. Things will change over time. It's just rough right now, but you will find a common road."

Francis moved to sit next to me and put an arm around my shoulder. "Angleterre, we have never been close, but I do worry for you. I hate to see you so down. I know it's tough right now, but you are strong. You will pull through this. Soon he will be moving to college and things will change again. This is just a, how do you say… test run."

I felt a quirk tug on my lips. Still, they didn't know the truth. The real truth.

"There's something else, isn't there?" Gilbert asked. He had been watching me and studying my reactions.

I looked at the floor as soon as I glanced over to him. My action made the three shift uncomfortably. They were waiting for me to say something, not pressing or demanding. I was waiting too. Waiting to say the one thing about my relationship, hell, my life, that had been wrong for over a year now.

"Alfred's been lying to me…," I whispered, worried that the world would hear me and splinter into pieces. "He doesn't trust me…"

"Then he doesn't love you," Gilbert said flatly.

I gasped, my words stumbling over one another. "B-but he loves me! How could-?"

Antonio held up a hand. "Mi hombre, no, it doesn't work that way. You have to build trust and then love. You can't have it be the other way around."

I gulped back tears. My heart was pushing them up through my throat and straight to my eyes. "But is it because of me? Did I do something to make him act this way?"

"You can't blame yourself." Antonio was now beside me. "There are many reasons as to why and you just don't know them."

Gilbert leaned closer from his spot across from me, scooting the couch closer so his leg now brushed against mine. "He's right. Blaming yourself gets you nowhere. If he's going to be a dick and not trust you, then you have to trust him and take a step forward."

Tears slipped out at those words. "I don't… I can't…"

"Then you don't love him. This entire relationship has been a farce." Gilbert frowned. "Do you want that? Do you want to keep going knowing that's how it is?"

I cried more while shaking my head. All of the stress and the great chasm of loneliness and uncertainty had taken its toll on my body. I felt physically sick as I broke down in the lobby. A few students wandered in, saw the trio holding me, and quickly moved away. Some asked if I was okay, but the boys waved them away. Francis rubbed my back while Antonio hugged me and Gilbert held my hand. It wasn't the comfort I craved, but it would do. I preferred to have just one pair of arms holding me and a soothing American voice tell me everything would be fine.

"No," I managed after a time. "I love him. I want to trust him. He promised me he'd tell me soon."

"Have you been honest the entire time as well?" Francis asked suddenly. "That could be the problem too."

"Yeah, if you were honest the entire time and then you lied or Alfred felt his trust in you wane then he could be too scared to open to you." Gilbert squeezed my hand. "That happened, didn't it?"

I nodded weakly, putting my head on Francis' shoulder. "I'm pathetic…"

Antonio pinched my cheek. "No. What did we say about blaming yourself?"

After apologizing, Francis had me look at him. "Arthur, you have to confront this. Alfred is younger than you and probably has good reasons to be untrusting. But whether or not he lied to you or is keeping secrets, the fact remains that he cares deeply for you. It may not be love at this time, but he does care."

"He made a band with you."

"Drives an hour up here every weekend to see you."

"Wrote a song for you."

"Endured our Disney songs."

I laughed, shaking my head at the last one. It was true. He had done all of those things. But then…

"I did them with him too…," I said aloud, realization hitting me. A warmth spread from my fingertips to the ends of my toes. My face heated up as my heart sped up. "I must love him… But if I can't trust him…"

"Ah," Gilbert said, holding a finger up knowingly and pointing it at me. "I think then the problem here isn't with trusting him… It's trusting yourself."

I stared at the man sitting across from me and wondered if that was still the same man that had thrown water balloons at Elizaveta and Roderich when they were on their date just the other day? Or the same man that did his laundry in just his underwear, causing all the girls to flee at the sight of such white skin? It always seemed wisdom came from the most unlikely places. And when they came, they were always the most helpful of words anyone could have asked for.

You're the sky that I fell through. And I remember the view whenever I'm holding you.

I jumped as my cell phone rang out from my pockets. I fumbled to quickly answer it. That was Alfred's ringtone. It was the middle of the day and the boy should still be in classes. If he was calling me now then there was a possibility something was wrong. Was he hurt? Did his father-

" 'Ello?" I answered. The trio were watching me, but said nothing.

I had expected Alfred to sound upset or possibly in tears, but his voice was quiet and gentle. "Hey… Are you busy?"

"N-no," I said. I wiped at my dried tears. "What's wrong? Why are you calling me now? You should be in class. Are you sick?"

"Just felt…a little run down today." My heart clenched. What had his father done to him now? "Hey, listen, I have good news! Matt joined a band at his new school!"

"What? Matthew is in a band?"

Francis' eyes lit up. "Mathieu?"

I held up a hand to silence him, trying to hear Alfred's quiet voice. "This is wonderful!"

"I know." I could hear Alfred's smile. The sound of covers crinkling from the background made me see an image of the boy lying on his bed in my head. He had just rolled over, probably onto his side. "His first performance is tomorrow…and I wanted you to come with me."

My breath caught. I could feel eyes watching me, but worked to ignore them. "I'd…I'd like that…"

"Good," Alfred breathed. "I missed you so much. I want to make it up to you since school has been hard and I'm so worried about college and… I'm in agony waiting to see if I got into your school or not."

At first, I thought I had heard wrong. But then, I stuttered, "M-my school? Alfred, don't tell me you applied here for me! Don't come here for me!"

Francis held his hands up, panic on his face. "Don't say that!" he hissed.

I caught myself quickly. "I mean, don't come to this school just because of me. Think of your future."

Alfred sighed in relief. "N-no, I mean…I wanted to come to your school to see you, yeah. That's the reason I took a look at it. But it has a great science and math department. So I applied. Being with you…is the biggest thing that school has to offer me, though."

I sighed, falling back into the couch. My face was so hot and my eyes couldn't focus. I think my vision blurred from tears coming up again. This boy that terrified me also could make me feel so better with just a few words. Words he thought were just some words, but meant so much more to me.

"I'd love to go with you…"

What sounded like a sigh of a smile Alfred said, "Great… I'll pick you up tomorrow when I get out of school."

"I'm half-tempted to tell you just to come now and skip tomorrow," I blurted.

Everyone reeled back to stare at me. "Arthur!"

I blushed, laughing slightly. "I'm not quite sure what came over me. I must be getting the American disease of ignoring the rules."

Alfred laughed. Oh, how I missed that laugh. It spread over the phone to me, causing me to visibly relax. Francis and Antonio smiled, releasing me, but Gilbert kept staring at me. He wasn't convinced just yet.

"Naw, that's purely an Alfred Jones thing," Alfred laughed. "I totally started it. Like my ancestor did. You know… the one in the war that kicked your ancestor's ass?"

"I have yet to see this proof," I chuckled. I nodded at Gilbert to let him know it was okay.

The boys were right. I had to trust myself that I could pull through this. I had been the one to say that this relationship had to start on trust now and we had to move forward, but I had remained stationary. Alfred had probably never done something like this before and needed guidance. I was clueless as well, but if I thought of what awaited me afterwards, I could muster the strength and pull through.

The thought that someday, soon, there would be no more lies and secrets and Alfred would love and trust me was the only hope I had in my heart at that moment.

Matthew's new school was nice. Not nearly as prestigious as the academy he had attended before, but it was still classy. His uniforms were much bluer and less plaid and tan than my alma mater. The band's first performance was the school's talent show. There had been quite a turn-out and many of the performers were exceptionally good. It took me only a few performances to realize that this school was a musical magnet school.

I turned to Alfred beside me. He was beaming and refused to let go of my hand, no matter how embarrassed I was. But it seemed no one cared and if they did, there wasn't a fuss.

"Matt's up next!" Alfred declared. He looked at me, smiling more.

Blushing, my hand moved on its own to caress Alfred's face. I had missed seeing those eyes and feeling that smooth skin. He had yet to start getting any facial hair. I couldn't picture him with a beard or even a goatee. I hoped if he ever did hit that side of puberty that he wouldn't pursue any desire to grow anything out.

Our reunion had been hot and heavy. Alfred picked me up in the air, swinging me around like a doll, and pushed me up against the side of the building, snogging me hard. I could only scramble my hands all around his face while hitching a leg up and around the back of his. My fear of pubic affection had been washed away when I saw those blue eyes and that smile. Always that smile.

Gilbert and Antonio had been watching from their window and cat-called down to us, effectively stopping anything more. I ran to Alfred's truck while the boys whistled after us and reminded us to have safe sex. Bloody wankers.

"There he is!" Alfred pointed at the stage while bouncing on the balls of his feet.

I looked, just as excited as him. Matthew was holding a violin and looking less intimidated. He looked more of his own man. A surge of pride made me smile. Moving away had been very good for him.

He looked out in the crowd and spotted Alfred and me. We waved to him and he returned it with a small smile. The band turned to each other as the host announced the band. I missed the name because Alfred decided at that moment to scream in my ear, a fist raised as he called out Matthew's name. It's okay, I didn't need that ear anyways.

Matthew started tapping with his foot and then began playing on his violin. It was a very up-tempo number. The drummer and other violinist kept up with Matthew, but the boy fell into his own world. He stamped his foot and closed his eyes, playing harder and faster. I was caught up in the music, staring at the boy that was once so shy and timid it looked as if he would vanish behind his cello. Here he was in his full element and playing his heart out. Alfred had always said that Matthew was extremely gifted on a fiddle.

"Let's dance!" Alfred said suddenly. He held up the hand he already had and grabbed my other. "Come on! I'll show you how to square dance!"

I stumbled after him, tripping over a few feet as the students started dancing. I wasn't very good at dancing other than waltzing, something I taught Alfred very early into our relationship. It was my favorite dance and I demanded we do it more than once. But American dancing? I was lost once again.

Alfred took my hands and moved me around his body, laughing all the while. I tried to mimic his moves and learned it wasn't too difficult to do. Just repetition like every dance. The other students caught on to our dancing and began square dancing as well. The moment caught up with me and I started laughing. Alfred moved in closer, his hands on my hips, and picked me up in the air. I laughed harder, my hands on his shoulders, until he put me down. He then spun me a few times, but instead of wondering how come I was the female partner in the dance, I just continued to laugh until my mouth hurt.

All the stress was being stamped away with Matthew's playing. One of the band members yelled out, but other than that, the piece was entirely instrumental. Words were not needed. Everyone could feel the pure energy this band made. That Matthew had made. Alfred must have been so proud of his twin.

In a matter of minutes, the song was over with one last slide on the violins. The school erupted into applause, earning them quite a high rank in the finals. Alfred was whistling and calling his brother's name. I couldn't stop smiling as I applauded.

The band exited the stage. Alfred took my hand and surged through the crowd to the small door off to the side of the stage. Before we arrived, the door opened and the band came out celebrating. Alfred reached out and pulled his brother away, giving him a tight hug. I patted Matthew's back, not at all surprised to see he had worked up quite a sweat. The boy had really played a number out there.

"Holy shit, Matt that was AMAZING!" Alfred exclaimed, his hands out.

"It was!" I chimed in. "What kind of violin playing style was that?"

"Canadian," Matthew started. He moved the stray curl aside, trying to catch his breath. "Well, specifically Cape Breton fiddling. It's my favorite style."

"I don't know where that is, but it's damn awesome! It was like you were tap dancing! Seriously dude, when did you get that good?"

Matthew laughed nervously. "Practice makes perfect?"

"Hey, Matt," a band mate called. "We have to stay back stage in case we win. Come on."

Matthew nodded, but turned back to us. "Will you stay until the end?"

"Of course!" Alfred was like a child bursting with excitement as if he had been dropped into Disneyland. He smiled at me. "We'll keep dancing. Arthur's really good."

Matthew smiled knowingly and left, but neither one of us had noticed. I was enraptured by Alfred's eyes. The music suddenly filled our ears as we realized the next performance had started. It was a slow song with a piano and violins and a wonderful singer.

You're in my arms and all the world is gone.
The music playing on for only two.
So close together. And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive…

Alfred held out his hand, giving me a slight bow; a proper invitation to dance. I smiled, feeling hopelessly giddy, and accepted his hand. He led me back out onto the dance floor where others had begun dancing. His hand was on my waist while the other still held my hand. I put my free hand on his shoulder as we swayed to the music.

So close to reaching that famous Happy Ending
Almost believing this one's not pretending
Now you're beside me and look how far we've come.
So far we are so close.

The singer went into an interlude and the music took over. Alfred sped up our dancing. I felt the world sink away, uncaring who was watching. I just kept my eyes on him, only him, and danced with him close. He spun me, held me close, and caressed my face. I think at some point he whispered my name as we continued to dance.

I knew this song. I remembered it from a movie Alfred had put on but didn't pay attention to. He was too busy kissing me at the time. But I remembered because I understood. Saw how much we had changed over the year we had been together, but it was so close to everything. Everything that had been holding us back. The past pains that always seemed to vanish when we were together; the things that no longer should affect our lives, but still do because we let them. I would rather let Alfred and only Alfred affect my life now.

Tightening my hold on the boy as we slowed our pace to a crawl, I leaned in against his ear. "So close…so close and still so far…"

The last piano keys played as the string section held out the last cord. And then, the moment was over. I released Alfred, but kept my eyes on him. He knew. The look in his eyes wasn't of fear, though. But it wasn't strength either. It was hope.

"I need to talk to you," I said sternly.

There are two times in a relationship that these words will come about. Either when one actually does just want to talk or when a break-up is on the horizon. Alfred knew that I didn't mean the latter, though. He nodded, entwining our fingers, and I led him out of the cafeteria where the show was being held. The evening air was crisp and I shivered into my jacket. Alfred followed behind me, but I released his hand, moving a little away from him before stopping. In the back we could hear the light thrumming of the next performance.

"I'm going to trust you," I whispered to the silent air. "Trust that you won't break my heart. Will you promise me that?"

With Alfred behind me and my back to him I couldn't see his expression. I imagined it was one of those pained looks someone has when they don't know what to say. Sometimes he will look that way when I've gone too far in an argument or when he receives terrible news from home. Maybe it was more than that.

With a shuddering sigh, I released my secret.

"I am not the youngest son of my parents. There... was another. Peter. He was closer to me in age than my other brothers and he was very attached to me. One day... we took a ride on a boat on Thames. He fell in. I couldn't swim. I was right there and he had my hand. I had let go and then watched him drown."

I paused, the sound of laughter and waves hitting me in a haunting memory. Of a secret photo in my room no one knew existed. Of a child my family buried. I could still see him. The splash. The endless watery dark devouring his little body. My little brother; forever lost at sea. Alfred remained silent. Good. I wasn't done. I wanted to get it all out. No more secrets. It was time one of us was clean. Our relationship was stretched so thin by the lack of trust. By the fear. Fear of the other leaving.

"That's why we moved here. The memories… It was too much. For awhile I didn't even talk after Peter drowned. My parents say they don't blame me, but they do." My voice cracked, but not from puberty. Tears slipped free. "They are always out, working or avoiding me. My brothers and I put distance between us. I couldn't stay close to another family member. To another person. So I built a wall, but wished it would fall down while I was asleep."

My vision blurred, but when I looked at Alfred I could still see him. He was still there.

He rushed for me, taking me in his arms as I began to collapse on the grass, damp from evening dew. I could hear his heart beating hard against his ribcage and I clung to it. Clung to the fact that was still alive. He was still here.

"I'm a murderer," I cracked out.

"No!" Alfred finally exclaimed. He caressed my face, pushing back my bangs to look at me, but I was blinded by my tears. "No Arthur, you are not. Don't say that. It was an accident."

I shook my head violently. "He was right there! I watched it! I didn't do anything!"

"It's okay. Sh, no, you're not a murderer." He held me close, rubbing my back and rocking me slightly. "If you had jumped in, you might have drowned too."

For a time all I could do was cry. Cry and be happy to have Alfred there. It might have taken a month to finally hold him and years to be able to finally talk of my brother's death, but it had come. And he was there. Always had been there. I thought back to the conversation I had with the trio from yesterday. Again, they had been right.

Alfred did care for me in some way. While we were still young and probably confused our feelings of love, there was that underlying fact that we were still deeply enamored with one another. Now that I had trusted him, I felt the overwhelming ability to fully love him the best I could. Still, I had to wait for him to tell me of himself.

"Hey, there you are." Matthew said behind us. The crunching of his feet stopped short. "Um, is everything okay?"

Alfred looked over his shoulder, shielding me from view. "Yeah, um, can we have a minute? Everything's fine. Just… Arthur needs a few."

"Yeah, sure, no problem. I'll be inside." He hastily walked away, returning Alfred and me to just ourselves.

"Come on, sit up Artie." I didn't struggle with the name, just moved to look at Alfred's blue eyes. They were watery. He moved to wipe away my tears, kissing my cheeks. "I take it you still don't know how to swim?"

I nodded. "I'm terrified of the water."

"That would explain why you never went swimming whenever we went to the public pool back in the summer." He caressed my face, continuing to look at me. His soft hands pulled me in and I had to close my eyes. "Is that the picture of the boy in your room…?"

I nodded mutely. Alfred said no more, just held me and helped me stand up. After a few more shuddering breaths I was able to straighten my back and smile at the boy. He offered me a reassuring smile back. I looked up at the sky, feeling stronger and weaker than I had in my entire life. My hand searched for Alfred's own warm palm. He took it, squeezing lightly, and pulled me close.

"I trust you," Alfred whispered. "I do… I just…Remember… I'm weak. You're so much stronger than me…"

I shook my head, a small smile. "That is absurd… but nothing I say will change your mind. Just know that I will be here for you whenever you feel ready."

"I know." He moved a stray strand of my blonde hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead. "I love you."

"And I you…"

Hoshiko2's cents: I choked up writing this chapter. It's dedicated to a very special friend of mine, but I know she doesn't read this (doesn't like the pairing) so she'll never see it. But just in case, have faith sweetie. You will be strong.

Sadly, this is where it all goes to Hell in a hand basket. Mega warning for extreme angst next chapter as Alfred's secret will be revealed.

Song that Matt's band played was So Close from Enchanted. Yes, another Enchanted song. I can't help it. I love Disney, so sue me. Also, if anyone watched the 2010 Olympics and saw the opening, then you MUST have seen those Canadians PLAYING THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE VIOLINS AND TAP DANCING WITH FIRE COMING OUT OF THEIR SHOES! Come on! THAT WAS PURE AWESOME! Al taught his bro well. Anyways, since then, I have had an extreme love of seeing Matthew just shred on a string instrument like that. Sadly, no link to show you all since Youtube had nothing. Dunno why…

No historical catch in this chapter. One last thing- I was thinking of making one last FST to this series. It wouldn't be jazzy at all, but would be filled with songs that I listened to while writing this. I'm not sure if I should, though… It would be rather short… So I'm asking for your guys' feedback. And just in case, FST means Fan Soundtrack. I know a few of you didn't know that last time around. Anyways, see you Sunday.