[Fanfic] And All That Jazz 17/20
Title: And All That Jazz
Pairings: Alfred (US)/ Arthur (UK)
Characters: America and England with Bad Touch Trio and Matthew
Rating: PG13 for language
Warnings: Angst
Summary: Alfred is approached by the Student Body President, Arthur, for help on his math exam. They hate each other, but maybe opposites can attract with the help of something unexpected.
This chapter: What we all knew was coming at some point. The lies stop here.
A/N: Third person this time. For a good sense of Alfred's pain, please listen to Fruits Basket's song "Sorairo Instrumental Version" (Sky-blue). It was the inspiration I had for this chapter.
Arthur awoke early in the summer morning. Alfred was still in his arms, bare and peacefully asleep. At midnight, he had jumped Arthur, taking him into his arms and making passionate love to him. He was nineteen now. Arthur clung to him, gasping his name, and arching into him. He had almost forgotten what it was like to have someone shower him in love.
The question of love and trust hadn't been brought up in some time. Alfred had been trying to make progress, Arthur could see, but as time wore on he was starting to lose his resolve. And with the arrival of summer, Alfred had officially moved out of his father's house. Because of their excitement, the boys were not to be disturbed for the entire weekend; something the trio down the hall had far more fun with than they should have.
Alfred had been accepted into the same college, turning down two other schools he applied for. At first, Arthur was against this, but had been easily persuaded after a date and a promise that the future was always Alfred's main priority. Then, Alfred moved into Arthur's dorm, but conveniently didn't tell the school he had moved in early. To pass the time, the boys got summer jobs, saving up for a place of their own. And while there was still the itching to know what happened, Arthur no longer pressed the issue.
The night at the talent show had started Arthur's own healing. Knowing it would be a slow process, he sought out the help in the few friends he had. When Alfred was unable to be there, he would ask Norge or even Gilbert. He never gave many details to Norge or Gilbert, but there would be times they would catch him tearing up.
With Alfred, he was more open. Talking of his doubts after Peter's death, the dark times after the drowning, the many nights he had cried himself to sleep. But it wasn't so easy. And for that, he sat back for awhile to allow himself to heal before he heard whatever troubled Alfred.
Arthur stroked Alfred's face, smiling to himself. The boy had been so patient with him during these rough months. Thanks to Alfred's constant good mood, Arthur found he could get through anything.
"Alfred?" Arthur whispered. He moved and kissed him, caressing his face. "Alfred? Wake up my birthday boy."
The blonde stirred, his eyebrows furrowing, before opening his eyes. Upon seeing Arthur, he smiled like always. "Hey…"
He rolled over to lie atop Arthur, smiling brightly in the morning light. Arthur curled his hands around Alfred's broad shoulders, trying to match his smile in return.
"Good morning, luv," Arthur purred. "Sleep well?"
"Very," Alfred replied. He nuzzled into Arthur's neck. "I could get used to this."
"I already am." He pulled Alfred to kiss him. "Alfred…"
"Hey!" Alfred said suddenly. Arthur jerked back in surprise. "My present! What is it? Last year you gave me you. Do I get that again this year?"
Arthur smirked as he spread his legs. "That and more, Alfred. That and more…"
Arthur saw Matthew across the yard and called to him. He stopped, turned, and waved. Arthur trotted over to talk to him. A birthday present was securely under his arm.
"Matthew, happy birthday!" Arthur held out his gift with a smile.
Matthew took the gift and laughed. "You mean belated, right?"
Arthur looked confused. Matthew's expression suddenly changed to surprised. He began to stutter as he looked away. Arthur knew that sometimes Matthew was a forgetful chap, but not on such an important day such as his birthday. Upon seeing the sudden fear and nervousness in his face, Arthur grew suspicious.
"What's going on, Matthew?" Arthur asked slowly.
"N-nothing."
"Look at me and say that," Arthur said sternly. Slowly Matthew turned around, but his eyes were downcast. "Matthew."
Matthew couldn't make eye contact with Arthur and in moments, Arthur had realized that he had been lied to. Not about if a boy was okay for the day or if he was hiding something. No, this was worse. Alfred had hidden the relationship of his own brother. Although, Arthur suddenly worried that the two weren't brothers at all.
Arthur moved for Matthew's wallet. Since the boy's arms were weighed down by the present, he couldn't react fast enough to stop him. Once he had pulled it out, Arthur flipped open to his driver's license. In one moment, everything had changed.
Everything had broken. Shattered exactly as Arthur had known it would. He had lied in hopes it wouldn't. It just couldn't.
"Williams… Your last name is... WILLIAMS?" Arthur threw down his wallet in anger. "What is the meaning of this?"
"I can explain." Matthew held up his hand, the other still holding the gift. He set it down at his feet and put both hands up. "I thought Al had told you."
"No, Alfred has NOT told me anything! I keep waiting, but he won't tell me a bloody thing!" Arthur flung his hands up in frustration. He felt more pain than his body could handle.
However, he didn't break down as he craved. He wished to fall to the grounds and cry. Curse all of this pain that overwhelmed him and made him unable to move. So many thoughts slammed back and forth against his skull, echoes of voices, promises, hopes and dreams all foolishly made with one boy. All his eggs, once again, dumped in the hands of a blonde. A blonde that may not have drowned, but had vanished long ago from Arthur's hands.
The boy turned and ran. Matthew called to him, but it was no use. Arthur was inconsolable. Knowing there was little time, Matthew skirted off to Arthur's dorm room, hoping to make it before Arthur did.
Arthur sighed into his hands, thinking that this was his luck. There were so many warning signs that pointed to Alfred's distrust in each other. He thought of what could have possible made Alfred lose faith in him before they even got to their six month. And here we are, he thought, over a year later and nothing has changed. Nothing but the lies.
Arthur was sitting in the common lounge, blocking out the noise of the people around him until they left for class. That was where Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert found him, still with his head in his hands. The boys grew worried, remembering that this scene was all together far too similar.
"Mon ami, what are you doing here alone?" Francis asked.
"Yeah, you look like shit," Gilbert said.
Arthur sighed again. He didn't need their help right then. "What does it look like?"
All three looked to each other. Then, in unison they said, "Alfred."
Arthur wasn't in the least bit surprised they knew. He only managed a small nod. Francis began to rub Arthur's back while Antonio sat on the other side and Gilbert in front of the Englishman. Just like last time. The situation had a bittersweet taste to the memory.
"Have you ever been in a relationship where your significant other is lying to you?" Arthur asked finally.
The boys were quick.
"Si."
"Oui."
"Ja."
Arthur was caught off guard by their lack of hesitation. Francis waved his other hand in the air. "From girls that lie about their name to those that lie about their age."
"Girls that say they're prettier online than they really are offline," Gilbert continued.
"And girls that say they're a girl, but they're not." Upon seeing all of the boys' reactions, Antonio looked greatly surprised. He put his hand on his chest. "You mean I'm the only one?"
"I don't mean that. I mean something very important, like his relation to his own brother," Arthur said, blatantly ignoring Antonio.
The trio all raised their eyebrows in unison. Gilbert leaned forward, a rare worried expression on his face. "Arthur is there something we should know about?"
"It's nothing gross," Arthur started, but stopped. "Well, at least that I know of. Alfred just failed to mention to me that he and his twin are actually NOT twins."
The trio sucked in air through their teeth, leaning back as if the news were a foul smell. It may as well have been for the way it made Arthur sick. He buried his head into his hands again.
"Don't fret, Angleterre."
"Maybe he lies to everyone," Gilbert offered. Arthur shot him a glare and he held his hands up in defense. "Look, I'm saying it might not just be about you."
Antonio put his hand on Arthur's knee. The blonde looked through his fingers at him. Antonio looked at Arthur with a small smile. "I think you need to get your mind off of this."
"Oui, so why don't we go to our favorite bar?" Francis asked, waving his hand toward Gilbert. Since Francis and Arthur were still underage that meant the German and Spaniard had to sneak the other two in. Luckily the two boys had enough charm to sneak them into the White House, something Arthur greatly feared they'd try to do one day. They might even succeed.
Gilbert broke out into a mighty grin that rivaled Alfred's. At the thought of Alfred, Arthur felt sick and dizzy. Two hands lifted him up suddenly. The younger boy dropped his arms in surprise as Francis and Antonio began to lead the way out of the common lounge.
Arthur kicked his legs out. "Stop this at once! You three may think it's all well to go out drinking, but I feel quite the opposite! Now unhand me!"
Gilbert popped up beside the boy. "Ya know, Arthur, I have a brother a lot like you. He's stiff and sometimes a real party pooper."
Arthur growled, "Yeah, that's me."
"I told him to chill out some, but he didn't. Next thing I know, he's all stressed out and getting medical problems. Now our entire family is worried. Do you wanna worry dear old Mutter und Vater?"
Arthur gulped, seeing his point. He never wanted to worry his parents. The trio smiled, knowing full well they had the blonde now. Arthur dropped his head in defeat.
"I suppose a few drinks wouldn't be so bad."
The trio punched the air in triumph, much like Alfred would. Arthur, thinking of his boyfriend again, inhaled sharply at the sharp pain that shot down his chest to his heart. Yes, a few drinks probably wouldn't be so bad, he thought.
Alfred had just returned from the showers when Matthew found him in the hallway. "Al!"
The boy turned, smiling. "Hey bro! You staying at Francis' still?"
"No time for that." Matthew pushed Alfred towards the dorm. "Hurry and get dressed. Arthur's coming. He knows we're not twins now."
Alfred's eyes hardened and he grabbed Matthew. "What else does he know?"
"N-nothing! I swear! Hurry!" Matthew looked around anxiously, expecting Arthur to appear. "He might come looking for you!"
Cursing under his breath, Alfred rushed to the dorms and throw on some clothes. Once clothed, he ran with Matthew to Francis' room where they knew he was out with friends for the day. Alfred wasn't about to ask just how the boy had a key to Francis' room and took to pacing instead.
"Al," Matthew said after a moment. "Why haven't you told him? You still think it's a big deal?"
"Of course it's a big deal!" Alfred seethed. He turned on Matthew, but the boy stood still. "You wouldn't understand, Matt. To be looked at like filth and to be hated just for who you are."
Matthew bit his lip. "But Al, how one is born isn't important. It's what you do with your life."
"YOU WERE PLANNED!" Alfred snapped. He moved his hands to strangle Matthew, but again, the boy didn't move. He knew Alfred would never hurt one he loved.
"It doesn't matter," Matthew whispered.
Alfred turned away, tears threatening his eyes. It was all over. Arthur would learn and leave, like his father. Like his mother.
"It does too! You had it all! You've always had mom and dad's love!"
Matthew moved. "Now stop that! Mother has always loved-"
Alfred turned on his heel. "Has she ever said she's loved me? Even before we all found out the truth? As a child, did you hear her once tell me she loved me? Did you? You KNOW she only kept me alive to save face! To not say she murdered a child."
Matthew sighed in aggravation. "This constant want to have our parent's love is driving you insane. Can't you accept that it just can't happen? Why can't you accept that you have love now?"
Alfred stared at Matthew, unable to reply. He knew the boy was referring to Arthur. The boy had loved him, trusted him. Trusted him with the knowledge of his brother's death. That should have been the signal that Arthur wouldn't leave. Abandon him. And yet, Alfred remained firm on the fact that he was weak. Beaten when he was at his strongest.
He used to be so strong. Always running until his mother would call him inside for supper. But even then, his father would give him such gentle smiles and encouraging words of just how great he'll be when he grows older. How he'll make the family proud.
He and Matthew were raised to believe they were true brothers. No one was none the wiser. And the family was happy. Content. Perfect.
And then Alfred reached the seventh grade. His father pulled away. Would push him aside in the hallway and forget to set a place for him at the table for dinner. When he came close, it was only to hit. To hurt. To destroy everything Alfred was; strong and confident. Now, he was nothing but a shame.
So he put on the mask. That brave face to keep everyone outside guessing just who he was. Arthur had once said he had made a wall after his brother died, but really it was Alfred. He had made the wall. Kept outsiders out, watching only from afar and making sure they knew nothing of him or his brother. And if they got too close, Alfred would push them away. Scare them away.
But then there was Arthur. Arthur who broke it all. The day those men attacked him, Alfred broke his resolve. Broke it so long ago when he met him. He was so alone in those days. But Arthur found him. Found him and cared for him when he needed it the most. And then Arthur was being hurt. Struck as he had.
When Arthur called his name so weakly on the floor, Alfred's wall broke. He shoved it down, tackling his former friends. He didn't care. He would save Arthur. He would save himself.
Matthew's phone suddenly broke out in the tense silence. The boy snatched it from his pocket and opened it, giving his brother a nervous smile.
"Hello?" he answered. He held the phone away almost instantly. Loud music blared from the other side of the garbled connection. "Hello?"
"Mathieu!"
"Francis?" Matthew put a finger in his other ear as he leaned in to hear what the Frenchman was saying. "Where are you? I can hardly hear you! Are you at a club?"
"Mathieu, you have to come down to the bar! Arthur is amazing!" Francis exclaimed.
Alfred had heard him. He tensed, turning dangerously on the phone. Matthew looked at him as Francis continued to yell.
"I've never seen him like this. He's on tables and dancing. Oh ho! He's starting to take his clothes off! YES! Go Arthur! Do it for Queen and country!"
Matthew had dropped his phone to race after his brother.
Alfred rushed into the bar, easily finding Arthur standing on the table with his shirt in his hand, waving it around as people cheered him on. At the base were Francis, Antonio, Gilbert handing Arthur more alcohol. The blonde was so intoxicated he couldn't even hold the bottle without it splashing over his bare chest and sprinkling down on the onlookers.
Alfred felt Matthew behind him, probably with the same shocked face as him. No one had ever seen Arthur this loose before. And no one was more upset than Alfred.
"Arthur, get down from there!" Alfred yelled as he grabbed his arm.
A few people in the crowd watching booed his attempts to pull the drunken boy down, but Arthur yanked his arm free. He turned, hissing, causing the crowd to laugh at the two.
"No!" he started. "I don't want to do anything with you. And you can't make me."
The crowd tried to push Alfred away, but he wouldn't be deterred. He grabbed him again. "Arthur, I'm not kidding. We're going right now."
Arthur still resisted. He pulled his arm back so hard the whiplash caused him to stumble back. Alfred reached for him before he flew off of the table he was still standing on. But Arthur poured his beer on him. The bar erupted into laughter as Alfred jumped back, crying out in shock. Arthur was pointing and laughing.
"What the hell?" Alfred had his arms out as the stinky alcohol dripped off of his hair and clothes. "Arthur, why are you this way?"
"Perhaps he is merely loosening his tie finally," Francis said from a booth nearby. He was watching with an amused smirk as two girls clung to his shoulders. Sharing the booth were Antonio and Gilbert. Alfred marched up them.
"You three are fucked up!" Alfred flung his arm out towards Arthur. "How could you do this to him?"
Gilbert held up his hands in defense. "We didn't force him. He drank of his own free will."
"And he was depressed," Antonio chimed in. "We wanted to cheer him up."
"You cheer up someone by talking to them and listening to them. Not getting them piss dunk!"
Francis sighed. "Alfred, we've all listened to him for months go off about how much you upset him from all your lies. There was nothing else to talk about or listen to."
Alfred's shoulders dropped, his eyes widening at the realization it was he who had driven Arthur to drink. But, at the same time, it hit him that Arthur knew things. Things about him that he told others about and not him. Things he most certainly did not want others to know.
"Some friends you are!" Alfred yelled.
"My God you're a loud one."Arthur jumped down off of the table and came up to Alfred. The boy took a
step back when he smelled the alcohol on his boyfriend's breath. "Don't you go blaming them. They've done nothing wrong! Whereas you won't tell me a bloody thing and we dated for over a year now! What's wrong? Don't you trust me?"
Alfred stepped back again as Arthur's tone became more and more vicious. The Englishman then began to throw his hands around in the air as he yelled.
"All this talk of love and music and yet you won't even tell me your own father hits you! I had to go to Matthew to hear the truth about all of your bleeding lies. Did you think I was stupid?"
Alfred turned to shoot daggers at his brother. He felt a downwards spiral of betrayal all over again. First Kiku, then Matthew, and now Arthur? No, not Arthur. He was different. He was special.
He had lied.
"What about you?" Alfred fought back. "You lied too! This entire time you knew, but you never said a damn thing!"
"Don't try and blame this on me," Arthur seethed. He shook the empty beer bottle his way. "I am not to blame here."
Alfred rolled his eyes. "Of course not! You're Mr. Perfect because you controlled all of high school and can do no wrong. While I'm to blame for shit that's not even a problem!"
"That girl WAS a problem!" Arthur yelled. Now he had backed Alfred into the counter. "She was whoring herself all over you!"
"Like that Bad Trio over there?" Alfred nodded over to Francis' booth. "I know that at least two of 'em want in your pants."
"Hey, leave us out of this!" Gilbert yelled.
"This isn't about them," Arthur growled.
"Then it's not about that girl either. She was just a friend. Jesus, I thought we were over this already."
"How can I feel it's over when I can't trust you?" Arthur's face was slowly losing its red color.
He was sobering up, but his anger was controlling him now. He couldn't take all of the pain anymore. His mind whirled of how rocky the relationship was from the start. He knew of the problems, knew he should've stood up to Alfred and just asked, but he was too scared. Too scared Alfred would leave him or run from him.
How silly, he thought. Alfred had already run from you. He was never here to begin with.
"Why won't you tell me, huh? What're you hiding from me? Why are you with me if you can't trust me?" Arthur shoved Alfred in the chest. It didn't do much, but the point was still there. "What, are you stupid?"
Alfred's eyes widened and his heart broke. Those words stung more than anything. Arthur started to punch Alfred in the chest as he accentuated each word.
"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! You're such a stupid Yank!"
There was a fist thrown and a tie was broken. Alfred had punched Arthur in the face hard enough to make him fall to the floor. Someone called their names, but no one moved to stop them. The music silenced and all that was heard was their relationship shattering into pieces.
"I'M A BASTARD KID!" Alfred screamed. Arthur, holding his cheek, looked up in surprise and fear. "There! Are you happy? My dad beats me because I'm some fucking kid my mom had while she was married to him! I'm not his kid! My mom won't even tell me she loves me! She just keeps me around so she won't be labeled a murderer for having an abortion! No one wants me in this world! I thought you did, but... I was wrong."
Alfred turned and stormed out of the bar. Arthur was still on the ground, watching and unable to do anything.
"ALFRED!"
I turned to see Matthew running to me. It had started to rain, the darkness from the early evening intensified by the dark clouds. Even from where I stood I could see the fear in Matthew's eyes. He was always scared of me. Scared of what I was and what I could become. Now Arthur had seen it and looked at me the same way.
"Get away from me!" I screamed, pushing my arm out violently as if to shove him away, even though he was far away. "Just stay away from me!"
"Don't! Don't do this! Don't do this to Arthur! You two need each other!" Matthew turned as the door to the bar opened and slammed closed.
Arthur was standing just outside of it. His face was hollow and his eyes colorless.
"I DON'T NEED ANYONE! I DON'T NEED YOU OR YOU!" I pointed to first Matthew and then Arthur. Arthur reached out for me in the rain, but I moved back. His eyes shook in fear. But, was he scared of me?
Yes, everyone is. You're unloved.
"I'm not with you anymore, Arthur," I said into the rain. "I'm leaving."
I think Arthur whispered "no", but I didn't hear it. I stepped back into the dark, turned, and ran. From behind me, I heard Arthur fall to his knees. Glancing back, I could see him cry into his hand.
"Damnit... Why?" he sobbed. "How did this happen...?"
Instinctively I wanted to go to his side and hold him. I hated when he cried, but he brought this upon himself. He had lied to me and gone behind my back. He used and manipulated my love and trust.
I walked away.
I watched him leave. I couldn't stop him. I was powerless. I had always been powerless. We were lying to each other to keep up a charade of a dying relationship. The music just couldn't last forever and I knew I had made the mistake of a thousand times. And still, I couldn't find it in me to get up and hold his hand.
I cried, alone, in the rain.
Hoshiko2's cents: Many historical pieces here. One very obvious as I took it directly from the Hetalia strip. I claim no rights to that scene.
That's all.
Pairings: Alfred (US)/ Arthur (UK)
Characters: America and England with Bad Touch Trio and Matthew
Rating: PG13 for language
Warnings: Angst
Summary: Alfred is approached by the Student Body President, Arthur, for help on his math exam. They hate each other, but maybe opposites can attract with the help of something unexpected.
This chapter: What we all knew was coming at some point. The lies stop here.
A/N: Third person this time. For a good sense of Alfred's pain, please listen to Fruits Basket's song "Sorairo Instrumental Version" (Sky-blue). It was the inspiration I had for this chapter.
Arthur awoke early in the summer morning. Alfred was still in his arms, bare and peacefully asleep. At midnight, he had jumped Arthur, taking him into his arms and making passionate love to him. He was nineteen now. Arthur clung to him, gasping his name, and arching into him. He had almost forgotten what it was like to have someone shower him in love.
The question of love and trust hadn't been brought up in some time. Alfred had been trying to make progress, Arthur could see, but as time wore on he was starting to lose his resolve. And with the arrival of summer, Alfred had officially moved out of his father's house. Because of their excitement, the boys were not to be disturbed for the entire weekend; something the trio down the hall had far more fun with than they should have.
Alfred had been accepted into the same college, turning down two other schools he applied for. At first, Arthur was against this, but had been easily persuaded after a date and a promise that the future was always Alfred's main priority. Then, Alfred moved into Arthur's dorm, but conveniently didn't tell the school he had moved in early. To pass the time, the boys got summer jobs, saving up for a place of their own. And while there was still the itching to know what happened, Arthur no longer pressed the issue.
The night at the talent show had started Arthur's own healing. Knowing it would be a slow process, he sought out the help in the few friends he had. When Alfred was unable to be there, he would ask Norge or even Gilbert. He never gave many details to Norge or Gilbert, but there would be times they would catch him tearing up.
With Alfred, he was more open. Talking of his doubts after Peter's death, the dark times after the drowning, the many nights he had cried himself to sleep. But it wasn't so easy. And for that, he sat back for awhile to allow himself to heal before he heard whatever troubled Alfred.
Arthur stroked Alfred's face, smiling to himself. The boy had been so patient with him during these rough months. Thanks to Alfred's constant good mood, Arthur found he could get through anything.
"Alfred?" Arthur whispered. He moved and kissed him, caressing his face. "Alfred? Wake up my birthday boy."
The blonde stirred, his eyebrows furrowing, before opening his eyes. Upon seeing Arthur, he smiled like always. "Hey…"
He rolled over to lie atop Arthur, smiling brightly in the morning light. Arthur curled his hands around Alfred's broad shoulders, trying to match his smile in return.
"Good morning, luv," Arthur purred. "Sleep well?"
"Very," Alfred replied. He nuzzled into Arthur's neck. "I could get used to this."
"I already am." He pulled Alfred to kiss him. "Alfred…"
"Hey!" Alfred said suddenly. Arthur jerked back in surprise. "My present! What is it? Last year you gave me you. Do I get that again this year?"
Arthur smirked as he spread his legs. "That and more, Alfred. That and more…"
Arthur saw Matthew across the yard and called to him. He stopped, turned, and waved. Arthur trotted over to talk to him. A birthday present was securely under his arm.
"Matthew, happy birthday!" Arthur held out his gift with a smile.
Matthew took the gift and laughed. "You mean belated, right?"
Arthur looked confused. Matthew's expression suddenly changed to surprised. He began to stutter as he looked away. Arthur knew that sometimes Matthew was a forgetful chap, but not on such an important day such as his birthday. Upon seeing the sudden fear and nervousness in his face, Arthur grew suspicious.
"What's going on, Matthew?" Arthur asked slowly.
"N-nothing."
"Look at me and say that," Arthur said sternly. Slowly Matthew turned around, but his eyes were downcast. "Matthew."
Matthew couldn't make eye contact with Arthur and in moments, Arthur had realized that he had been lied to. Not about if a boy was okay for the day or if he was hiding something. No, this was worse. Alfred had hidden the relationship of his own brother. Although, Arthur suddenly worried that the two weren't brothers at all.
Arthur moved for Matthew's wallet. Since the boy's arms were weighed down by the present, he couldn't react fast enough to stop him. Once he had pulled it out, Arthur flipped open to his driver's license. In one moment, everything had changed.
Everything had broken. Shattered exactly as Arthur had known it would. He had lied in hopes it wouldn't. It just couldn't.
"Williams… Your last name is... WILLIAMS?" Arthur threw down his wallet in anger. "What is the meaning of this?"
"I can explain." Matthew held up his hand, the other still holding the gift. He set it down at his feet and put both hands up. "I thought Al had told you."
"No, Alfred has NOT told me anything! I keep waiting, but he won't tell me a bloody thing!" Arthur flung his hands up in frustration. He felt more pain than his body could handle.
However, he didn't break down as he craved. He wished to fall to the grounds and cry. Curse all of this pain that overwhelmed him and made him unable to move. So many thoughts slammed back and forth against his skull, echoes of voices, promises, hopes and dreams all foolishly made with one boy. All his eggs, once again, dumped in the hands of a blonde. A blonde that may not have drowned, but had vanished long ago from Arthur's hands.
The boy turned and ran. Matthew called to him, but it was no use. Arthur was inconsolable. Knowing there was little time, Matthew skirted off to Arthur's dorm room, hoping to make it before Arthur did.
Arthur sighed into his hands, thinking that this was his luck. There were so many warning signs that pointed to Alfred's distrust in each other. He thought of what could have possible made Alfred lose faith in him before they even got to their six month. And here we are, he thought, over a year later and nothing has changed. Nothing but the lies.
Arthur was sitting in the common lounge, blocking out the noise of the people around him until they left for class. That was where Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert found him, still with his head in his hands. The boys grew worried, remembering that this scene was all together far too similar.
"Mon ami, what are you doing here alone?" Francis asked.
"Yeah, you look like shit," Gilbert said.
Arthur sighed again. He didn't need their help right then. "What does it look like?"
All three looked to each other. Then, in unison they said, "Alfred."
Arthur wasn't in the least bit surprised they knew. He only managed a small nod. Francis began to rub Arthur's back while Antonio sat on the other side and Gilbert in front of the Englishman. Just like last time. The situation had a bittersweet taste to the memory.
"Have you ever been in a relationship where your significant other is lying to you?" Arthur asked finally.
The boys were quick.
"Si."
"Oui."
"Ja."
Arthur was caught off guard by their lack of hesitation. Francis waved his other hand in the air. "From girls that lie about their name to those that lie about their age."
"Girls that say they're prettier online than they really are offline," Gilbert continued.
"And girls that say they're a girl, but they're not." Upon seeing all of the boys' reactions, Antonio looked greatly surprised. He put his hand on his chest. "You mean I'm the only one?"
"I don't mean that. I mean something very important, like his relation to his own brother," Arthur said, blatantly ignoring Antonio.
The trio all raised their eyebrows in unison. Gilbert leaned forward, a rare worried expression on his face. "Arthur is there something we should know about?"
"It's nothing gross," Arthur started, but stopped. "Well, at least that I know of. Alfred just failed to mention to me that he and his twin are actually NOT twins."
The trio sucked in air through their teeth, leaning back as if the news were a foul smell. It may as well have been for the way it made Arthur sick. He buried his head into his hands again.
"Don't fret, Angleterre."
"Maybe he lies to everyone," Gilbert offered. Arthur shot him a glare and he held his hands up in defense. "Look, I'm saying it might not just be about you."
Antonio put his hand on Arthur's knee. The blonde looked through his fingers at him. Antonio looked at Arthur with a small smile. "I think you need to get your mind off of this."
"Oui, so why don't we go to our favorite bar?" Francis asked, waving his hand toward Gilbert. Since Francis and Arthur were still underage that meant the German and Spaniard had to sneak the other two in. Luckily the two boys had enough charm to sneak them into the White House, something Arthur greatly feared they'd try to do one day. They might even succeed.
Gilbert broke out into a mighty grin that rivaled Alfred's. At the thought of Alfred, Arthur felt sick and dizzy. Two hands lifted him up suddenly. The younger boy dropped his arms in surprise as Francis and Antonio began to lead the way out of the common lounge.
Arthur kicked his legs out. "Stop this at once! You three may think it's all well to go out drinking, but I feel quite the opposite! Now unhand me!"
Gilbert popped up beside the boy. "Ya know, Arthur, I have a brother a lot like you. He's stiff and sometimes a real party pooper."
Arthur growled, "Yeah, that's me."
"I told him to chill out some, but he didn't. Next thing I know, he's all stressed out and getting medical problems. Now our entire family is worried. Do you wanna worry dear old Mutter und Vater?"
Arthur gulped, seeing his point. He never wanted to worry his parents. The trio smiled, knowing full well they had the blonde now. Arthur dropped his head in defeat.
"I suppose a few drinks wouldn't be so bad."
The trio punched the air in triumph, much like Alfred would. Arthur, thinking of his boyfriend again, inhaled sharply at the sharp pain that shot down his chest to his heart. Yes, a few drinks probably wouldn't be so bad, he thought.
Alfred had just returned from the showers when Matthew found him in the hallway. "Al!"
The boy turned, smiling. "Hey bro! You staying at Francis' still?"
"No time for that." Matthew pushed Alfred towards the dorm. "Hurry and get dressed. Arthur's coming. He knows we're not twins now."
Alfred's eyes hardened and he grabbed Matthew. "What else does he know?"
"N-nothing! I swear! Hurry!" Matthew looked around anxiously, expecting Arthur to appear. "He might come looking for you!"
Cursing under his breath, Alfred rushed to the dorms and throw on some clothes. Once clothed, he ran with Matthew to Francis' room where they knew he was out with friends for the day. Alfred wasn't about to ask just how the boy had a key to Francis' room and took to pacing instead.
"Al," Matthew said after a moment. "Why haven't you told him? You still think it's a big deal?"
"Of course it's a big deal!" Alfred seethed. He turned on Matthew, but the boy stood still. "You wouldn't understand, Matt. To be looked at like filth and to be hated just for who you are."
Matthew bit his lip. "But Al, how one is born isn't important. It's what you do with your life."
"YOU WERE PLANNED!" Alfred snapped. He moved his hands to strangle Matthew, but again, the boy didn't move. He knew Alfred would never hurt one he loved.
"It doesn't matter," Matthew whispered.
Alfred turned away, tears threatening his eyes. It was all over. Arthur would learn and leave, like his father. Like his mother.
"It does too! You had it all! You've always had mom and dad's love!"
Matthew moved. "Now stop that! Mother has always loved-"
Alfred turned on his heel. "Has she ever said she's loved me? Even before we all found out the truth? As a child, did you hear her once tell me she loved me? Did you? You KNOW she only kept me alive to save face! To not say she murdered a child."
Matthew sighed in aggravation. "This constant want to have our parent's love is driving you insane. Can't you accept that it just can't happen? Why can't you accept that you have love now?"
Alfred stared at Matthew, unable to reply. He knew the boy was referring to Arthur. The boy had loved him, trusted him. Trusted him with the knowledge of his brother's death. That should have been the signal that Arthur wouldn't leave. Abandon him. And yet, Alfred remained firm on the fact that he was weak. Beaten when he was at his strongest.
He used to be so strong. Always running until his mother would call him inside for supper. But even then, his father would give him such gentle smiles and encouraging words of just how great he'll be when he grows older. How he'll make the family proud.
He and Matthew were raised to believe they were true brothers. No one was none the wiser. And the family was happy. Content. Perfect.
And then Alfred reached the seventh grade. His father pulled away. Would push him aside in the hallway and forget to set a place for him at the table for dinner. When he came close, it was only to hit. To hurt. To destroy everything Alfred was; strong and confident. Now, he was nothing but a shame.
So he put on the mask. That brave face to keep everyone outside guessing just who he was. Arthur had once said he had made a wall after his brother died, but really it was Alfred. He had made the wall. Kept outsiders out, watching only from afar and making sure they knew nothing of him or his brother. And if they got too close, Alfred would push them away. Scare them away.
But then there was Arthur. Arthur who broke it all. The day those men attacked him, Alfred broke his resolve. Broke it so long ago when he met him. He was so alone in those days. But Arthur found him. Found him and cared for him when he needed it the most. And then Arthur was being hurt. Struck as he had.
When Arthur called his name so weakly on the floor, Alfred's wall broke. He shoved it down, tackling his former friends. He didn't care. He would save Arthur. He would save himself.
Matthew's phone suddenly broke out in the tense silence. The boy snatched it from his pocket and opened it, giving his brother a nervous smile.
"Hello?" he answered. He held the phone away almost instantly. Loud music blared from the other side of the garbled connection. "Hello?"
"Mathieu!"
"Francis?" Matthew put a finger in his other ear as he leaned in to hear what the Frenchman was saying. "Where are you? I can hardly hear you! Are you at a club?"
"Mathieu, you have to come down to the bar! Arthur is amazing!" Francis exclaimed.
Alfred had heard him. He tensed, turning dangerously on the phone. Matthew looked at him as Francis continued to yell.
"I've never seen him like this. He's on tables and dancing. Oh ho! He's starting to take his clothes off! YES! Go Arthur! Do it for Queen and country!"
Matthew had dropped his phone to race after his brother.
Alfred rushed into the bar, easily finding Arthur standing on the table with his shirt in his hand, waving it around as people cheered him on. At the base were Francis, Antonio, Gilbert handing Arthur more alcohol. The blonde was so intoxicated he couldn't even hold the bottle without it splashing over his bare chest and sprinkling down on the onlookers.
Alfred felt Matthew behind him, probably with the same shocked face as him. No one had ever seen Arthur this loose before. And no one was more upset than Alfred.
"Arthur, get down from there!" Alfred yelled as he grabbed his arm.
A few people in the crowd watching booed his attempts to pull the drunken boy down, but Arthur yanked his arm free. He turned, hissing, causing the crowd to laugh at the two.
"No!" he started. "I don't want to do anything with you. And you can't make me."
The crowd tried to push Alfred away, but he wouldn't be deterred. He grabbed him again. "Arthur, I'm not kidding. We're going right now."
Arthur still resisted. He pulled his arm back so hard the whiplash caused him to stumble back. Alfred reached for him before he flew off of the table he was still standing on. But Arthur poured his beer on him. The bar erupted into laughter as Alfred jumped back, crying out in shock. Arthur was pointing and laughing.
"What the hell?" Alfred had his arms out as the stinky alcohol dripped off of his hair and clothes. "Arthur, why are you this way?"
"Perhaps he is merely loosening his tie finally," Francis said from a booth nearby. He was watching with an amused smirk as two girls clung to his shoulders. Sharing the booth were Antonio and Gilbert. Alfred marched up them.
"You three are fucked up!" Alfred flung his arm out towards Arthur. "How could you do this to him?"
Gilbert held up his hands in defense. "We didn't force him. He drank of his own free will."
"And he was depressed," Antonio chimed in. "We wanted to cheer him up."
"You cheer up someone by talking to them and listening to them. Not getting them piss dunk!"
Francis sighed. "Alfred, we've all listened to him for months go off about how much you upset him from all your lies. There was nothing else to talk about or listen to."
Alfred's shoulders dropped, his eyes widening at the realization it was he who had driven Arthur to drink. But, at the same time, it hit him that Arthur knew things. Things about him that he told others about and not him. Things he most certainly did not want others to know.
"Some friends you are!" Alfred yelled.
"My God you're a loud one."Arthur jumped down off of the table and came up to Alfred. The boy took a
step back when he smelled the alcohol on his boyfriend's breath. "Don't you go blaming them. They've done nothing wrong! Whereas you won't tell me a bloody thing and we dated for over a year now! What's wrong? Don't you trust me?"
Alfred stepped back again as Arthur's tone became more and more vicious. The Englishman then began to throw his hands around in the air as he yelled.
"All this talk of love and music and yet you won't even tell me your own father hits you! I had to go to Matthew to hear the truth about all of your bleeding lies. Did you think I was stupid?"
Alfred turned to shoot daggers at his brother. He felt a downwards spiral of betrayal all over again. First Kiku, then Matthew, and now Arthur? No, not Arthur. He was different. He was special.
He had lied.
"What about you?" Alfred fought back. "You lied too! This entire time you knew, but you never said a damn thing!"
"Don't try and blame this on me," Arthur seethed. He shook the empty beer bottle his way. "I am not to blame here."
Alfred rolled his eyes. "Of course not! You're Mr. Perfect because you controlled all of high school and can do no wrong. While I'm to blame for shit that's not even a problem!"
"That girl WAS a problem!" Arthur yelled. Now he had backed Alfred into the counter. "She was whoring herself all over you!"
"Like that Bad Trio over there?" Alfred nodded over to Francis' booth. "I know that at least two of 'em want in your pants."
"Hey, leave us out of this!" Gilbert yelled.
"This isn't about them," Arthur growled.
"Then it's not about that girl either. She was just a friend. Jesus, I thought we were over this already."
"How can I feel it's over when I can't trust you?" Arthur's face was slowly losing its red color.
He was sobering up, but his anger was controlling him now. He couldn't take all of the pain anymore. His mind whirled of how rocky the relationship was from the start. He knew of the problems, knew he should've stood up to Alfred and just asked, but he was too scared. Too scared Alfred would leave him or run from him.
How silly, he thought. Alfred had already run from you. He was never here to begin with.
"Why won't you tell me, huh? What're you hiding from me? Why are you with me if you can't trust me?" Arthur shoved Alfred in the chest. It didn't do much, but the point was still there. "What, are you stupid?"
Alfred's eyes widened and his heart broke. Those words stung more than anything. Arthur started to punch Alfred in the chest as he accentuated each word.
"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! You're such a stupid Yank!"
There was a fist thrown and a tie was broken. Alfred had punched Arthur in the face hard enough to make him fall to the floor. Someone called their names, but no one moved to stop them. The music silenced and all that was heard was their relationship shattering into pieces.
"I'M A BASTARD KID!" Alfred screamed. Arthur, holding his cheek, looked up in surprise and fear. "There! Are you happy? My dad beats me because I'm some fucking kid my mom had while she was married to him! I'm not his kid! My mom won't even tell me she loves me! She just keeps me around so she won't be labeled a murderer for having an abortion! No one wants me in this world! I thought you did, but... I was wrong."
Alfred turned and stormed out of the bar. Arthur was still on the ground, watching and unable to do anything.
"ALFRED!"
I turned to see Matthew running to me. It had started to rain, the darkness from the early evening intensified by the dark clouds. Even from where I stood I could see the fear in Matthew's eyes. He was always scared of me. Scared of what I was and what I could become. Now Arthur had seen it and looked at me the same way.
"Get away from me!" I screamed, pushing my arm out violently as if to shove him away, even though he was far away. "Just stay away from me!"
"Don't! Don't do this! Don't do this to Arthur! You two need each other!" Matthew turned as the door to the bar opened and slammed closed.
Arthur was standing just outside of it. His face was hollow and his eyes colorless.
"I DON'T NEED ANYONE! I DON'T NEED YOU OR YOU!" I pointed to first Matthew and then Arthur. Arthur reached out for me in the rain, but I moved back. His eyes shook in fear. But, was he scared of me?
Yes, everyone is. You're unloved.
"I'm not with you anymore, Arthur," I said into the rain. "I'm leaving."
I think Arthur whispered "no", but I didn't hear it. I stepped back into the dark, turned, and ran. From behind me, I heard Arthur fall to his knees. Glancing back, I could see him cry into his hand.
"Damnit... Why?" he sobbed. "How did this happen...?"
Instinctively I wanted to go to his side and hold him. I hated when he cried, but he brought this upon himself. He had lied to me and gone behind my back. He used and manipulated my love and trust.
I walked away.
I watched him leave. I couldn't stop him. I was powerless. I had always been powerless. We were lying to each other to keep up a charade of a dying relationship. The music just couldn't last forever and I knew I had made the mistake of a thousand times. And still, I couldn't find it in me to get up and hold his hand.
I cried, alone, in the rain.
Hoshiko2's cents: Many historical pieces here. One very obvious as I took it directly from the Hetalia strip. I claim no rights to that scene.
That's all.