13 reasons why
My boss told me the other day that the only people that can hurt her are her friends and family, the people closest to her.
This reminded me of the number one reason why I try to stay guarded. The ones I love always disappoint me. It truly scares me to become close to someone, but I want it so bad. I want it to work out just one time.
I don't know what it's liked to be loved for longer than a few minutes. I'm not talking about sex at all but rather the times one of my parents do something really nice for me. I struggle so hard trying to be affectionate and loving. The only way I know how to show I care is to give gifts. I just hope that person thinks of me everytime they see the gift I gave them.
An odd thing I realized just tonight is everytime someone compliments me I feel like my self esteem gets lower and lower. Sounds strange but when I'm with a friend and I just get compliment after compliment I just think that's the only reason why they hang out with me. These compliments are almost always appearance based. Being picked apart thread by thread until there's nothing left.
This reminded me of the number one reason why I try to stay guarded. The ones I love always disappoint me. It truly scares me to become close to someone, but I want it so bad. I want it to work out just one time.
I don't know what it's liked to be loved for longer than a few minutes. I'm not talking about sex at all but rather the times one of my parents do something really nice for me. I struggle so hard trying to be affectionate and loving. The only way I know how to show I care is to give gifts. I just hope that person thinks of me everytime they see the gift I gave them.
An odd thing I realized just tonight is everytime someone compliments me I feel like my self esteem gets lower and lower. Sounds strange but when I'm with a friend and I just get compliment after compliment I just think that's the only reason why they hang out with me. These compliments are almost always appearance based. Being picked apart thread by thread until there's nothing left.