moar top model
top model is so boring this season. i realized i have almost nothing to say about the last episode . . . everything is still status quo, meaning that i love allison and celia and despise thalia.
so i currently watch antm with tiffany and some of tiffany's friends, which makes for fun times, especially if wine is involved. however, last wednesday was EPIC. tiffany arrived very late, which means we were all clustered outside her apartment like doofuses, waiting for her drunk ass to come home. it turned out that her taxi driver took her hostage because he found out that she worked for a cancer center and thus, naturally, tiffany should be able to talk to his wife about her/her sister's (?) possible cancer. oh, and he also accused her friend of being a pedophile by his appearance alone (maybe it was the beard). i cannot even begin to parse that string of logic.
works at cancer center + is vulnerable lady in cab i.e. too nice to just get of cab and run (too nice meaning too drunk, probably) - (points for having possible pedophile friend + points for being really drunk) = perfect approachable counselor type for wife despite not being a doctor or researcher or KNOWING anything about said wife or her diseases
he parked her a block away and would not let her leave cab until she had SPOKEN ON THE PHONE WITH HIS WIFE. when he dropped her off in front of her stoop, he shouted "watch out for that guy! i'll look for him on predator." i think he meant that tv thing "to catch a predator". oh god.
FO
favorite photo by far! my biggest gripes about this shoot: A) they never do real beauty shoots anymore, perhaps because few of the girls would show to advantage in "natural" makeup and appearance and B) the quality of the picture depended far more on how well the makeup person dusted you, so that you looked like you were wearing makeup instead of being attacked by peta with a paint can. also, the color you got and how well it went with your actual complexion was a factor. fo's makeup looks like actual makeup that is enhancing and contouring her features.
TAHLIA
i hate to say this, but this is a good picture. tahlia's eyes really pop with this color and the three-quarters profile shot hides her eye asymmetry, which normally really bothers me. i hate it when her eyebrow starts jerking up and down.
but she still sucks. and i really find her normal fashion sense/appearance appalling, even by the standards of this show. i cannot believe she actually said to tyra that she wears that stupid hair-bump on top of her head because of volleyball. DO YOU SEE A VOLLEYBALL ANYWHERE, IDIOT? AUGH!! david foster wallace once postulated the existence of "k-mart people". tahlia is so totally a k-mart person.
TEYONA
again, a great color choice for her complexion, and the powder accentuates her facial structure. i did not expect teyona's righteous anger during that whole celia sucks tirade. i can see why people were mad, but it's not like tyra was all "whoops! my bad" and kicked off tahlia.
ALLISON
allison really got a dusting. i doubt anyone would look good with random patches of color thrown at their face like this. she looks like she has a giant livid birthmark, like that guy on that discovery channel special. i mean, she also looks kind of cool, if you ignore the weird eruptions of hot pink.
i don't get why everyone is so indignant about girls with only one facial expression. there are a LOT of working models with only one expression. has kate moss' face shifted in the last five years? has she even smiled with her mouth open? like, you'd hire allison if you wanted a girl with giant bubble eyes and lips and giant front teeth like a beaver who always looks slightly stunned, as if you'd gunned down her teddy bear in front of her. i don't see what's so hard about this.
CELIA
my monitor is telling me that this color is blue, not gray. grrrr. i like that the powder gave her eyebrows. sometimes i think that is celia's main problem, she is all bare-browed, like that guy who is the new doctor who.
i will reiterate - GOD, I WANT CELIA'S WARDROBE.
AMINAT
aminat went way overboard with her attack on celia. calling her stupid once will suffice! i'm pretty sure celia knows she was stupid. also, i don't get the attack on allison, who was pretty clearly just a bystander. it's not like allison was all "bros before hos" and got up and joined celia in front of tyra or gave tahlia a nosebleed or anything.
i'm still confused - how can aminat look so much like danielle and yet be so unphotogenic? this is a nice photo, but it's an exception.
NATALIE
i don't totally hate this photo. the judges might be right about her wide face being unphotogenic (and thus explaining why natalie isn't already signed to an agency), but . . . if you want to give her angles, you have to help with the lighting and makeup. she can't do it all on her own!
LONDON
this photo saddens me. she really does look like "she threw up blue and then died." but if a girl is already pale, piling ice blue powder on her is going to make her look dead. it's like a rule. in some special cases, that girl will look like tilda swinton instead of a flesh-eating zombie.
SANDRA
a deserved pan for this photo. it's so bad. i'm so glad sandra is gone, with her clueless attitude and her awful little red boots with toe cutouts. she wasn't even a FUN bitch.
i was happy to see bianca again, btw. oh bianca. i would so have helped you beat up nikki blonsky.
- i am so stressed out right now. i can tell when things are really bad because i start dissociating from myself and this weird thing happens where i can't remember who i am. this is one of those tidbits that i should probably tell a shrink, someday. i would try to explain it in more detail but i think it would just make all of you really nervous and it is also pretty much impossible to truly describe.
- i am in a rut and don't know how to get out of it.
- none of you have copies of lula magazine to sell/trade with me? SADNESS.
- i stopped watching heroes several weeks ago and it made my life so much better. i wish i were kidding. i think it had that effect because it airs on mondays, which are pretty sad days anyway, and then you watch FUCKING HEROES and get even more depressed.
- i found this article in a magazine that suggested you could make a kind of forge on your stove top, and MAKE YOUR OWN BUTTONS OUT OF SCRAP METAL. i realize that this is a bad idea (at least, a bad idea for ME to attempt, i would probably either maim/blind myself or poison my lungs), but i am kind of obsessed with trying this. i could pretend i was a blacksmith!!
- when i was in santa barbara several months ago, i stepped on something weird and sharp when i was on the beach. i don't know what it was, seeta thought it was just a piece of wood but in my memory it is definitely something of an animal nature. i have had a weird circular bump/rash in that area ever since. it's not even exactly a rash . . . i can't explain it. it also does not hurt or itch. i'm a little freaked out that it's still there. why are bodies so weird.
- what are your favorite things to do in the spring? do you have rituals or traditions you repeat year after year?