my good intentions evidently mean nothing
i'm sorry this is late . . . no excuse but laziness really.
oh, and also this season is kinda boring. i guess they've run out of fun bitches, and there's only so many times we can hear tyra talking about "smiling with your eyes" before one of us cracks and sets up a special version of "the most dangerous game" where we lure tyra in with barbecued ribs . . . don't get me wrong, there are still some things that bring me joy:
1) allison's gigantic fucking headlight eyes, and how the editors cut to them WHENEVER POSSIBLE, thus making every moment on the show seem like a prelude to madness or disaster. it's like magic!
2) celia's cro-magnon face and awesome bergdorf goodman clothing. i'm sort of in love with celia, and not just because she looks like winston. she got the gay fingerwave, i can think of no higher praise.
3) benny ninja - PLEASE DON'T INSTALL HIM AS A JUDGE, IT RUINED MISS J.
4) hating on Burn Victim. i hate her and want her gone, but i get some mean satisfaction out of her soggy sadness and terrible maternity ward clothing. i can honestly say that she is the least model-y of any girl who has ever been on the show - so tyra finally strained the boundaries of our imagination. in no world is Burn Victim going to be a model, and NOT BECAUSE OF HER BURNS. BECAUSE SHE LOOKS LIKE HOUSEWIFE VANESSA WILLIAMS SOCCER MOM.
you know how this goes. below, each girl so far:
JESSICA
it is generally a bad idea to wait to write these recaps as long as i usually do, because i inevitably forget the ones who got eliminated. in fact, i remember almost nothing about jessica . . . going, going, gone. she was the girl who relies too much on her good looks - we have one or two of these every cycle, sometimes they are actually good models and i suspect tyra foists them out in jealous anger, as they do not look like space aliens. in this case, though . . . so shitty. she can't even look good in her makeover photo! she has perpetual frowny face, see below:
THE PAIN. she managed to make herself look approximately 1000X worse than she looks in real life, with the aid of professional photographers, makeup artists, and hairstylists. she looks like a latino motorcycle lesbian (NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT, but i don't think that's what they were going for). good riddance! her farewell speech was suitably clueless.
NIJAH
nijah is really, really lovely. she is also really, really boring. we also tend to get a few of these every cycle - the nice, boring pretty girls, like leslie (remember her? of course you don't).
she looks like a corpse, all right. like a corpse than fell in DERELICTE TRAFFIC-DIRECTING/CROSSING-GUARD WAR ACTION.
(also, i am so distracted by allison's alien face in all these pictures.)
ALLISON
speaking of alien face! she's still my favorite, even though i can't tell if her pictures are actually good, because she's so weird-looking. i actually like her makeover, because it makes her look even creepier, like an underage branch davidian, especially when she wears her prairie skirt and little lacy blouse. SO WRONG AND YET SO RIGHT.
like all the girls, she would benefit if her weave was better quality, but she seems to be dealing with it better than, say, brittany.
bless her little blood-lovin' heart.
AMINAT
i liked aminat's giant afro weave, but i can deal with her new hair. however, she looks SO MUCH LIKE DANIELLE. i find it really distracting. sadly, aminat is not showing a lot of potential and, like chuck bass, only has one face, and it is an angry one.
i love celia's squatting-bowie impression that's happening in the top pic there. in which i DO NOT NOTICE AMINAT BECAUSE CELIA'S FACE IS CRAYZAY.
CELIA
celia's makeover brings her into focus for me - she makes sense now! i will just pretend she is a (male) glam rocker.
SHE IS A HIGH FASHION FROG!
and oh, did i love her little speech to tyra at the end of last week's episode. and the zoom in to her crazy face and crazy murderous eyes - I LOVED IT. if only there was more of that and less of everything else, by which i mean less tahlia. i mean, it was a stupid thing to do for her personally, but i'd have been super annoyed also, and it's the one time anyone has called the judges out for their shit.
on another note, i crave celia's wardrobe, but i can tell that you can only pull that look off if you are six feet tall and shaped like a rail.
maybe i will see celia someday on the street! i did see sarah (the one who looked like scarlett johansson) once in dc. i am still bitter because she got a job with the company that rejected me, although i think it was ultimately all for the best. it just sucks to be beaten out by someone WHO WAS ON REALITY TV.
FO
oh my god. fo is probably the cutest of all the girls, and i was rooting for her until her giant makeover breakdown. what an asshole. the only girls who cry about cutting their hair are those creepy unwashed ones who grow their hair long for the sake of it being long, never mind how gross it actually looks. you know who i'm talking about. there are scads of them in the longhair community.
also, fo looks adorable with her new haircut, which adds an additional layer of wtf. jaeda was an ass, but at least her haircut was not flattering.
come on, she looks fantastic!
not so great here . . . although, how one is supposed to look high fashion when swaddled up like a matryoshka doll, i don't know. this photo shoot was weird. they wanted the photos to look old-fashioned but they didn't want the girls to actually look like old-timey stiff pictures? sounds hard.
KORTNIE
ugh, kortnie. she's one of my least-favorites. and her makeover did her no favors, although tyra didn't have too much to work with. kortnie is a cute girl, despite the florida spelling of her name, but was so unphotogenic from the beginning that i'm surprised she lasted this long.
seriously?
LONDON
london is one to watch out for. even if she does look like cyndi lauper now.
HOWEVER, i demand more preaching and jesus love. if that's how you got on the show, you have a MANDATE to follow up.
NATALIE
natalie didn't even get a makeover, so i'm not sure why i'm posting this picture here, especially since her eyebrow is arching at me in an uncomfortable way. stop it, girl!
i don't have anything to say about natalie. she's maybe a little nasty, but she's also a lot of boring.
SANDRA
i don't know what i think about sandra's hair. granted, her original hair was one of the most perplexing haircuts i have ever seen, but . . . i don't know. now she just looks like kanye's maybe-hooker, maybe-not girlfriend.
she just hasn't been bringing the bitchiness. i did love the aminat smackdown moment when all the girls were lined up on the stairs listening. but if sandra's not going to get into any more slappy fights, i say send her home.
TAHLIA
dude, they fried her hair. i understand that they needed to get rid of the mom hair, but geez.
her eyebrow really, really bothers me. whenever she gets upset on the show (which is always) it starts jerking up and down of it's own accord.
she looks like the saddest lil wayne video girl ever.
i just didn't think this picture was that great, so was confused by the judges rapturous response. i guess there weren't a lot of good pictures this week.
she's a cute girl, but she is NOT A MODEL. she is less of a model than any of the other girls-with-a-thing - say what you will about heather/marjorie/amanda's various disabilities (and yes, i think marjorie had actual, visible mental problems, and it was NOT DUE to being european), at least they took great photos. and tyra kicked katrina girl off really fast, so it didn't matter that she looked horrifying when bald. and i liked isis as a person, so . . .
it is just so annoying to be the one who is all "i want to go home" when things aren't going well, and then to get all smug and in denial when things get better again. ugh.
TEYONA
ugh, that weave. i think teyona might win, because tyra loves it when girls look like aliens with fivehead.
teyona looks like a fish, in a good way.
ok, so here are the photos from the 3rd episode, since the girls were paired up for these it was just easier to shove them in the bottom of the post.
keep in mind that they are all supposed to be "fabulous" versions of various nyc denizens. whatever. i roll my eyes.
aminat and fo as fierce wall street brokers. it's a great photo, and we got to hear aminat shout "get me those memos, now!" they didn't commit hara-kiri though, as would be appropriate.
london and allison as upper east side bitchy socialites. it really should have been easy, but allison can only convey A) terror, B) surprise, and C) general google-eyes. also i think her hat is eating her. blair waldorf would so not be caught dead in that hat.
natalie, teyona, and tahlia as times square tourists - i think this is a bad photo of all 3. i do not understand why the judges thought this was a great photoshoot for tahlia. oh wait, it's because she has a Thing.
(however, teyona endeared herself to me by spitting her pretzel off the side of the bus, where it undoubtedly hit some tourist who gets in my way when i walk to tiffany's house. so good for her.)
nijah and kortnie as soho artists. ok, i don't know how they were supposed to convey that. hey, she's holding a violin! the other one has an easel! why didn't they give kortnie a mustache and a beret? or some heroin?
sandra and celia as nannies - this is sandra's only good picture to date. i think they look really good together, actually. sandra is so gorgeous, it's really a shame that she sucks.
let's not even talk about the wack fashion and the fact that tyra referred to these neighborhoods as "towns."
as usual, thoughts?
are there any new/recent shows i should start tivo'ing?
i am not upset about the battlestar finale, but that is because i watched it as though it were a comedy. i recommend this approach.
oh, and two things:
1) if you have an account on poupee girl (here's mine), please post your link here even if you think i already know it. i like to give ribbons to people who have me friended on lj, so please let me know especially if your poupee has a different name from your lj or you think i wouldn't know who you were. i have more than 2K friends now so i cannot keep track any longer.
2) do any of you have back issues of lula magazine you'd be willing to sell me/swap for handmade things or other stuff? please let me know. i have #7 and #8 but that is it. if you are in britain i can maybe find you things that you can't get over there?