Breaking the four month peace

May 29, 2003 23:31


I tried once already to post this, but my computer decided to reject it. Usually, I heed these omens, especially after that one incident. Some friends and I tried at least five times to see Enemy at the Gates but each time were somehow deterred. Rational people would recognize this as a portend of things to come, but not us fools. Nope, we sauntered in, determined to see our movie regardless of the fates, and all subsequently caught monoxide poisoning from the faulty heater. Lucky to be alive.

So naturally I was hesitant to post a LiveJournal entry, especially one which would break a four month moratorium, but hell, who really needs to learn from their past? B'sides, I was coerced into it and the subject matter is so wonderfully rich that there is no way I can resist the Siren's song.

::clears throat::

Sexual situations in movies are often fingered as the leading indicator of the complete degeneracy of American society, but everyone likes them. Even the critics keep watching them, merely hiding behind the facade of boos and hisses. Most of the sex scenes are terrible, yes, but those are the ones with Barry Manilow in the background or celestial rose petals falling into a virgin pond out of virtually nowhere.

However, sometimes the planets align, the gods smile upon you, the earth opens up and lo! and behold, there stands a sex scene that etches itself indelibly into your mind; a scene that should be preserved and passed onto posterity. Family jewels. Such a miracle unveiled itself to me yesterday.

Bruce Almighty, all-in-all a poor movie, somewhere around C, but when Jim Carrey (sp?) wields the power of the God, holy hell, things will happen. Of course, he indulges in the pusillanimous whims that any and all of us would fall subject to should we be vested with power unlimited, but it's when the groping hand of the Lord makes its way into the bedroom that my heart stops beating.

How can anyone resist the use of omnipotence to send wave after wave of orgasmic bliss over a girl in the adjacent room, power manifested through contorted face and fingers along with the breathless droning chant of "pleasurepleasurepleasurepleasurepleasure." Good god, the things Carrey did with his face alone validated the $6 vacuum in my wallet. Then, he manages to top himself...when she emerges disheveled and kindled from the bathroom, she pounces upon him, but in turn is subjected to a full-on body slam! Not a namby-pamby, mischievously-drop-her-onto-the-bed thing, but an inverting body slam, WWF style!

Jeezus...it was such a wonderful sex scene...right up on par with the Six String Samurai's apathetic reaction to a post-apocalyptic cheerleading whore. Brendan and I, the two most prominent movie critics featured in this entry, agree that both are extremely entertaining, absolutely necessary, and should be viewed immediately by everybody....well, he didn't say that. I did.
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