Note-From here on, Ellie starts adding in her bit...write a paragraph, Meara said. A paragraph! Scoff! Ellie was tricked and hooked on to the evil plot of doom...
Chapter 17: The Bridge of Khazad-Dûm
Frodo: Himself
Sam: Fiona
Pippin: Riga
Merry: Meara
Gandalf: Scott
Boromir: John
Legolas: Stephanie
Gimli: Scila
Aragorn: Cristy
Radagast the Brown: Stickman
Tall Elf: Guillermo
Treebeard: Daniela
The Balrog: Meredith
Orcs: Mauricio and Chris
“RIIGGAAAAAA!!!!!!!!”
Riga immediately froze in her seat. Meara and Fiona instantly turned around as far as they could for people “secured” on a roller coaster clacking up the first drop could, only to see Frodo madly running around blindfolded below them getting chased by a group of fangirls, two orcs, and about a zillion leprechauns.
“RIGA! YOU DIDN’T!!!!!!!!!!” screamed Meara as she tried to pull off the restraints and save him. Sadly, these restraints were steel and about 6 inches thick; needless to say she wasn’t going anywhere. After about ten seconds of snarling and useless pulling she contented herself with launching large kicks at the would-be murderer.
Meanwhile, Riga was pulling just as hard at her restraints and was yelling at the Chinese woman next to her to STROKE FASTER!!!! The Oriental Balrog instantly began to slam into her restraints and move her arms as if she was rowing an invisible shell, the poor confused creature. This only caused more screaming from Fiona who had been told only minutes before that her fanny pack might cause the restraints to come loose.
“Scott get me out of this thing!!!! We need to save Frodo!!!!” screamed Meara.
“I love rollercoasters!!!!!” replied Scott in a happy daze.
“Where is Cristy!??! CRISTY PLEASE WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!!” screamed Meara as she tried again to uselessly unhinge the buckle. They were nearing the drop.
“STROKE!!!!” screamed Riga.
Suddenly, the Balrog caught an exceptionally strong crab and popped the restraints off the seats for the entire row, slamming one of them on Fiona’s finger!!
Fiona suddenly started screaming bloody murder and was thrown on Scott just as they went down the first hill! This was not a very good idea, within moments, the wizard and the hobbit were dangling from their seats by her fanny pack, while Meredith was holding on for dear life and Meara used this newfound freedom to attack Riga.
Did we mention this roller coaster went upside down?
“ARGGHH!!!! Riga you are this close to death!!!”
“WE ALL ARE!!” screamed a very observant Balrog amidst clouds of smoke and fire, just as loud, scary music began to play in the background.
Meara lunged at the screaming Riga, who managed to avoid her, clamber up onto the seat, grab the giant steel bars and fasten her seatbelt back into place as the rollercoaster made a corkscrew turn. Riga’s very nimble.
Meara, having missed Riga, fell down on top of Scott’s head.
“OOOOWWW MY FINGGGER!! My vein is popping out!!!!!”
Fiona’s finger turned a sickly purple color, and upon seeing it, Fiona began to panic. Scott and Meara dangled under the struggling Fiona.
“Stop moving!!” Cristy yelled at them from the seat in front.
“Quick, give me some rope!” Stephanie pulled out a strand of magical elven rope from her quiver (isn’t it amazing how it always has everything that elf needs??) and handed it to Cristy, who tied one end to her steel bar and dropped the other end down to the two hobbits and Scott.
Meara was about to grab onto the rope when she heard Frodo’s high-pitched laughter and looked below to see Frodo being tickled by the two orcs.
“USE YOUR PENS!!!” she screamed, but this distraction caused her to miss the rope and fall forward. Luckily, the force of the roller coaster suddenly going up caused her to change directions in midair and be pushed back on top of Riga’s seat.
(Just in case anyone cares what happened to Frodo, he took out a Bic pen from his pocket and drove it into the orc’s forehead, and the other orc screamed as he saw his friend disintegrate into a whirl of really cheap magic cards.)
“EEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!” screamed Fiona as the roller coaster flew down the tracks. Stephanie kicked her legs forward in pain, and just then Fiona noticed she had the playboy insignia on her elf shoes.
“Stephanie, are you trying to take my job as secretary?!?” Fiona yelled, momentarily forgetting her throbbing finger and the dangling rope.
“Concentrate!” yelled Scott from below.
The roller coaster made another sharp turn and began to roll right at another cart only to veer up at the last minute. Scott lost his grip on Fiona and fell on top of the other cart. So did the evil Balrog.
“WHEEEEE!!” she yelled in glee as she landed next to the wizard.
“Finally! Now I can pull myself up!” Fiona used her fanny pack to swing herself up onto the seat next to the fighting Riga and Meara. She pulled down the restraints and hugged them in relief. “Happy restraints!” (The soundtrack momentarily switches to happy hobbit music).
Below them on the other cart, Scott and the Balrog were climbing over the seats and terrified tourists to the last row where they could see an empty seat.
“It’s mine! Move it, old man!” Meredith shoved the wizard back on top of a shrieking rotund(!) woman.
“ARRGH! You are such a horrible, disobedient bitch! Go back to China!” Scott jumped off the woman and onto the Balrog’s back.
The two reached the last row. Scott pointed his staff at the restraints, which flew open, hitting Meredith on the head.
“By God! You are more difficult than an algebra midterm!” she whined.
Without the restraints, the three tourists in the back row fell forward as the roller coaster went over a loop. But miraculously, they all managed to reach up and grasp their seats. They pulled themselves up and snapped the bars shut.
“Jeesh!” one tourist said, “These natives are horrible! We’re going back to Canada!” The two rollercoaster carts zoomed by each other again.
“Hi Scott!” yelled warrior-dude John (“Yeah, I’m on this thing, too!”).
“Woooow...” said Riga.
“That’s what you get for trying to ditch us in the forest!” yelled Meara. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten what you did, Riga...” she added on a side note.
“Ooooh Scott!! The world is against you, too!” Fiona cried.
The carts whizzed away from each other.
Meanwhile, the Balrog and the wizard continued to fight for the last seat. Scott yanked the Balrog’s CD player headphones back.
“Ouch!”
“My seat!”
Scott held Meredith’s precious purple CD player over his head.
“Why you little...” the Balrog reached up to grab her walkman, and Scott took advantage of the distracted creature, jumping off her back onto the seat.
“A diversion,” interrupted Stephanie.
Meara snorted.
She and her walkman reunited, the Balrog swung around and faced the wizard on the seat.
“YOU SHALL NOT SIT DOWN!!!!!!!” yelled Scott.
An angry mess of fames and smoke lunged at the wizard and tried to pull him off the seat. Just then, the rollercoaster dipped down violently, sending sparks from the Balrog onto Scott.
Scott flicked the Balrog on the forehead.
“You fool!” hissed Meredith, “you’re on fire!”
Scott looked down to see the hem of his robes burning, the flames thrashing about his legs. He let go of the restraints to uselessly pat away at his robes, trying to put out the fire.
Just then, the rollercoaster turned upside down.
A distracted Scott lost his balance and fell from his seat, grabbing onto the Balrog’s leg to make a last desperate attempt to hang on.
The Balrog hissed, “You almost broke my CD player! Grrr...” and kicked her leg up violently.
Scott lost his grip and fell.
“Oh my gosh! Scott!” Fiona cried.
“That’s so sad!” said Riga.
“Yeah, it does suck,” agreed Daniela from a nearby forest.
The hobbits watched the wizard near the ground where Frodo was still being tickled by the remaining orc.
He landed on top of that orc.
“That’s got to hurt!” muttered Meara.
Frodo, seeing the wizard’s mangled body, fainted.
With a last lurch, the rollercoaster came to a stop, and what remained of the fellowship shakily got up off their seats.
“Oh wow! That was so much fun!” squealed Meara.
“Let’s do it again!” Riga said.
“Yeah!! But first I have to go the bathroom...” Meara replied. Stephanie nodded vigorously in agreement.
“You guys... Scott just died!” sobbed Fiona. She saw the Balrog skipping away, arm in arm with Crazy Flashing Dude (who happened to be one of the tourists in the last row).
“HEY!” Fiona yelled at the Balrog. “You are SO EVIL!! I hope birds eat you!”
“Yay, we should watch that movie! It’s supposed to be bloody genius! With birds pecking at people’s eyeballs and EVERYTHING! Hitchcock is sooooo cool!” screamed Riga.
“OK, enough with the cultural references,” replied Meara.
Scila walked up to them with a terrified look on her face. “Eeew, who eats eyeballs?”
The group neared a room with several television monitors.
“Ooooh! Pictures!” squealed Meara.
They pushed through a crowd of tourists to look at the images on the televisions.
‘There is it!” Meara pointed to a monitor.
“Wait! Wait! I can’t see it!” Riga took out her glasses and put them on. “They aren’t working! Oh well... maybe my eyesight’s getting worse.”
Meara snatched the glasses from Riga’s face.
“Hey! Don’t touch the lenses!”
Meara gave Riga a look, and then she stuck a finger through where the lenses should have been.
“Oh my gosh, it’s magic!” said Riga.
“Riga, you are such a ditz on a stick!” Scila exclaimed. “They don’t have any lenses!”
Stickman and a tall elf named Guillermo suddenly broke out in laughter and stepped out of the crowd. “Riga, you are too stupid for words,” they said as they shook their heads.
Meara growled. “GO AWAY! I don’t like you kids!”
Riga was looking over Stickman’s shoulder at a “Find the Pi” puzzle. “Is that a dartboard?” she asked.
Meara humphed and attacked Guillermo and Stickman until they left.
“Can we concentrate, people? Look at your picture already!” Scila complained.
On the monitor was a picture of the hobbits on the rollercoaster; Fiona was dangling from her fanny pack, and Meara was clawing at Riga, who was sitting happily, hands around the restraints.
“Hey! What’s that?” Fiona pointed to a small dot in the background of the picture. She leaned in. “It’s Frodo!”
“Where?” said a confused Meara, looking around the room. “Oh yeah!! He’s still with Scott!” she remembered.
Fiona began to wail, “Sccccoottt!!” Just as suddenly as she began crying she stopped, distracted by another picture. “IT’S WENCH-DUDE!!!” She danced around happily. “Oh I want that picture!”
“He’s smiling!” piped in the Balrog.
Fiona ran towards the cashier that sold the pictures, the rest of the fellowship chasing after her.
“Picture 2093 PLEASE!” she said happily.
The dwarf at the desk smiled and looked for the picture. When she found it, she gave Fiona a confused look, “But sweetie,’ she said, “You aren’t in this picture! We have a policy against giving pictures to people who aren’t in them. Stalker protection, you understand.”
Fiona looked incredibly hurt and began to pout. The dwarf called for the next person in line, but Meara shouted, “WAIT!”
Meara ran up and asked, “Have you seen an unconscious adorable hobbit anywhere?”
The dwarf dug around under the desk for a while and then held up a bloody pulp that might have once been a hobbit. “You mean this thing? We thought no one would ever claim it!”
Stephanie made a face, “Eeew...”
Meara gasped, “All that blood from one faint?!”
Riga stated, “Well you have to keep in mind that fruits are very delicate... they bruise easily.”
Meara’s face twisted up as she lunged at Riga, “AAAAAAAARGH!” She grabbed Riga’s hands and clapped them together. Riga broke free and twisted Meara around by her head, then she stabbed Meara’s back twice before cutting it open and pinching the back of her neck. Meara collapsed to the floor, came crawling back towards Riga, and waved. Riga squealed, “Awww,” and patted Meara’s head. Meara bit Riga’s leg. Riga screamed, “AAAHHHH!” Meara got up and punched Riga down.
Meara looked very proud of herself. “Done and DONE!”
Submit ReviewReport Possible AbuseAdd Story to FavoritesAdd Author to FavoritesAdd Author to Author AlertAdd Story to C2 Archive 1. Cast2. A Long Expected Party3. The Shadow of the Past4. Three is Company5. A Shortcut to Mushrooms6. A Conspiracy Unmasked7. The Old Forest8. In the House of Mami Bmocnarf9. Fog On The Barrow Downs10. At the Sign of the Prancing Pony11. Strider12. A Knife in the Dark13. Flight to the Ford14. Many Meetings15. The Council of Elrond16. The Ring Goes South17. A Journey in the Dark18. The Bridge of KhazadDûm19. Lothlorien20. The Mirror of Galadriel21. Farewell to Lorien22. The Great River23. The Breaking of the Fellowship
Chapter 17: The Bridge of Khazad-Dûm
Frodo: Himself
Sam: Fiona
Pippin: Riga
Merry: Meara
Gandalf: Scott
Boromir: John
Legolas: Stephanie
Gimli: Scila
Aragorn: Cristy
Radagast the Brown: Stickman
Tall Elf: Guillermo
Treebeard: Daniela
The Balrog: Meredith
Orcs: Mauricio and Chris
“RIIGGAAAAAA!!!!!!!!”
Riga immediately froze in her seat. Meara and Fiona instantly turned around as far as they could for people “secured” on a roller coaster clacking up the first drop could, only to see Frodo madly running around blindfolded below them getting chased by a group of fangirls, two orcs, and about a zillion leprechauns.
“RIGA! YOU DIDN’T!!!!!!!!!!” screamed Meara as she tried to pull off the restraints and save him. Sadly, these restraints were steel and about 6 inches thick; needless to say she wasn’t going anywhere. After about ten seconds of snarling and useless pulling she contented herself with launching large kicks at the would-be murderer.
Meanwhile, Riga was pulling just as hard at her restraints and was yelling at the Chinese woman next to her to STROKE FASTER!!!! The Oriental Balrog instantly began to slam into her restraints and move her arms as if she was rowing an invisible shell, the poor confused creature. This only caused more screaming from Fiona who had been told only minutes before that her fanny pack might cause the restraints to come loose.
“Scott get me out of this thing!!!! We need to save Frodo!!!!” screamed Meara.
“I love rollercoasters!!!!!” replied Scott in a happy daze.
“Where is Cristy!??! CRISTY PLEASE WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!!” screamed Meara as she tried again to uselessly unhinge the buckle. They were nearing the drop.
“STROKE!!!!” screamed Riga.
Suddenly, the Balrog caught an exceptionally strong crab and popped the restraints off the seats for the entire row, slamming one of them on Fiona’s finger!!
Fiona suddenly started screaming bloody murder and was thrown on Scott just as they went down the first hill! This was not a very good idea, within moments, the wizard and the hobbit were dangling from their seats by her fanny pack, while Meredith was holding on for dear life and Meara used this newfound freedom to attack Riga.
Did we mention this roller coaster went upside down?
“ARGGHH!!!! Riga you are this close to death!!!”
“WE ALL ARE!!” screamed a very observant Balrog amidst clouds of smoke and fire, just as loud, scary music began to play in the background.
Meara lunged at the screaming Riga, who managed to avoid her, clamber up onto the seat, grab the giant steel bars and fasten her seatbelt back into place as the rollercoaster made a corkscrew turn. Riga’s very nimble.
Meara, having missed Riga, fell down on top of Scott’s head.
“OOOOWWW MY FINGGGER!! My vein is popping out!!!!!”
Fiona’s finger turned a sickly purple color, and upon seeing it, Fiona began to panic. Scott and Meara dangled under the struggling Fiona.
“Stop moving!!” Cristy yelled at them from the seat in front.
“Quick, give me some rope!” Stephanie pulled out a strand of magical elven rope from her quiver (isn’t it amazing how it always has everything that elf needs??) and handed it to Cristy, who tied one end to her steel bar and dropped the other end down to the two hobbits and Scott.
Meara was about to grab onto the rope when she heard Frodo’s high-pitched laughter and looked below to see Frodo being tickled by the two orcs.
“USE YOUR PENS!!!” she screamed, but this distraction caused her to miss the rope and fall forward. Luckily, the force of the roller coaster suddenly going up caused her to change directions in midair and be pushed back on top of Riga’s seat.
(Just in case anyone cares what happened to Frodo, he took out a Bic pen from his pocket and drove it into the orc’s forehead, and the other orc screamed as he saw his friend disintegrate into a whirl of really cheap magic cards.)
“EEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!” screamed Fiona as the roller coaster flew down the tracks. Stephanie kicked her legs forward in pain, and just then Fiona noticed she had the playboy insignia on her elf shoes.
“Stephanie, are you trying to take my job as secretary?!?” Fiona yelled, momentarily forgetting her throbbing finger and the dangling rope.
“Concentrate!” yelled Scott from below.
The roller coaster made another sharp turn and began to roll right at another cart only to veer up at the last minute. Scott lost his grip on Fiona and fell on top of the other cart. So did the evil Balrog.
“WHEEEEE!!” she yelled in glee as she landed next to the wizard.
“Finally! Now I can pull myself up!” Fiona used her fanny pack to swing herself up onto the seat next to the fighting Riga and Meara. She pulled down the restraints and hugged them in relief. “Happy restraints!” (The soundtrack momentarily switches to happy hobbit music).
Below them on the other cart, Scott and the Balrog were climbing over the seats and terrified tourists to the last row where they could see an empty seat.
“It’s mine! Move it, old man!” Meredith shoved the wizard back on top of a shrieking rotund(!) woman.
“ARRGH! You are such a horrible, disobedient bitch! Go back to China!” Scott jumped off the woman and onto the Balrog’s back.
The two reached the last row. Scott pointed his staff at the restraints, which flew open, hitting Meredith on the head.
“By God! You are more difficult than an algebra midterm!” she whined.
Without the restraints, the three tourists in the back row fell forward as the roller coaster went over a loop. But miraculously, they all managed to reach up and grasp their seats. They pulled themselves up and snapped the bars shut.
“Jeesh!” one tourist said, “These natives are horrible! We’re going back to Canada!” The two rollercoaster carts zoomed by each other again.
“Hi Scott!” yelled warrior-dude John (“Yeah, I’m on this thing, too!”).
“Woooow...” said Riga.
“That’s what you get for trying to ditch us in the forest!” yelled Meara. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten what you did, Riga...” she added on a side note.
“Ooooh Scott!! The world is against you, too!” Fiona cried.
The carts whizzed away from each other.
Meanwhile, the Balrog and the wizard continued to fight for the last seat. Scott yanked the Balrog’s CD player headphones back.
“Ouch!”
“My seat!”
Scott held Meredith’s precious purple CD player over his head.
“Why you little...” the Balrog reached up to grab her walkman, and Scott took advantage of the distracted creature, jumping off her back onto the seat.
“A diversion,” interrupted Stephanie.
Meara snorted.
She and her walkman reunited, the Balrog swung around and faced the wizard on the seat.
“YOU SHALL NOT SIT DOWN!!!!!!!” yelled Scott.
An angry mess of fames and smoke lunged at the wizard and tried to pull him off the seat. Just then, the rollercoaster dipped down violently, sending sparks from the Balrog onto Scott.
Scott flicked the Balrog on the forehead.
“You fool!” hissed Meredith, “you’re on fire!”
Scott looked down to see the hem of his robes burning, the flames thrashing about his legs. He let go of the restraints to uselessly pat away at his robes, trying to put out the fire.
Just then, the rollercoaster turned upside down.
A distracted Scott lost his balance and fell from his seat, grabbing onto the Balrog’s leg to make a last desperate attempt to hang on.
The Balrog hissed, “You almost broke my CD player! Grrr...” and kicked her leg up violently.
Scott lost his grip and fell.
“Oh my gosh! Scott!” Fiona cried.
“That’s so sad!” said Riga.
“Yeah, it does suck,” agreed Daniela from a nearby forest.
The hobbits watched the wizard near the ground where Frodo was still being tickled by the remaining orc.
He landed on top of that orc.
“That’s got to hurt!” muttered Meara.
Frodo, seeing the wizard’s mangled body, fainted.
With a last lurch, the rollercoaster came to a stop, and what remained of the fellowship shakily got up off their seats.
“Oh wow! That was so much fun!” squealed Meara.
“Let’s do it again!” Riga said.
“Yeah!! But first I have to go the bathroom...” Meara replied. Stephanie nodded vigorously in agreement.
“You guys... Scott just died!” sobbed Fiona. She saw the Balrog skipping away, arm in arm with Crazy Flashing Dude (who happened to be one of the tourists in the last row).
“HEY!” Fiona yelled at the Balrog. “You are SO EVIL!! I hope birds eat you!”
“Yay, we should watch that movie! It’s supposed to be bloody genius! With birds pecking at people’s eyeballs and EVERYTHING! Hitchcock is sooooo cool!” screamed Riga.
“OK, enough with the cultural references,” replied Meara.
Scila walked up to them with a terrified look on her face. “Eeew, who eats eyeballs?”
The group neared a room with several television monitors.
“Ooooh! Pictures!” squealed Meara.
They pushed through a crowd of tourists to look at the images on the televisions.
‘There is it!” Meara pointed to a monitor.
“Wait! Wait! I can’t see it!” Riga took out her glasses and put them on. “They aren’t working! Oh well... maybe my eyesight’s getting worse.”
Meara snatched the glasses from Riga’s face.
“Hey! Don’t touch the lenses!”
Meara gave Riga a look, and then she stuck a finger through where the lenses should have been.
“Oh my gosh, it’s magic!” said Riga.
“Riga, you are such a ditz on a stick!” Scila exclaimed. “They don’t have any lenses!”
Stickman and a tall elf named Guillermo suddenly broke out in laughter and stepped out of the crowd. “Riga, you are too stupid for words,” they said as they shook their heads.
Meara growled. “GO AWAY! I don’t like you kids!”
Riga was looking over Stickman’s shoulder at a “Find the Pi” puzzle. “Is that a dartboard?” she asked.
Meara humphed and attacked Guillermo and Stickman until they left.
“Can we concentrate, people? Look at your picture already!” Scila complained.
On the monitor was a picture of the hobbits on the rollercoaster; Fiona was dangling from her fanny pack, and Meara was clawing at Riga, who was sitting happily, hands around the restraints.
“Hey! What’s that?” Fiona pointed to a small dot in the background of the picture. She leaned in. “It’s Frodo!”
“Where?” said a confused Meara, looking around the room. “Oh yeah!! He’s still with Scott!” she remembered.
Fiona began to wail, “Sccccoottt!!” Just as suddenly as she began crying she stopped, distracted by another picture. “IT’S WENCH-DUDE!!!” She danced around happily. “Oh I want that picture!”
“He’s smiling!” piped in the Balrog.
Fiona ran towards the cashier that sold the pictures, the rest of the fellowship chasing after her.
“Picture 2093 PLEASE!” she said happily.
The dwarf at the desk smiled and looked for the picture. When she found it, she gave Fiona a confused look, “But sweetie,’ she said, “You aren’t in this picture! We have a policy against giving pictures to people who aren’t in them. Stalker protection, you understand.”
Fiona looked incredibly hurt and began to pout. The dwarf called for the next person in line, but Meara shouted, “WAIT!”
Meara ran up and asked, “Have you seen an unconscious adorable hobbit anywhere?”
The dwarf dug around under the desk for a while and then held up a bloody pulp that might have once been a hobbit. “You mean this thing? We thought no one would ever claim it!”
Stephanie made a face, “Eeew...”
Meara gasped, “All that blood from one faint?!”
Riga stated, “Well you have to keep in mind that fruits are very delicate... they bruise easily.”
Meara’s face twisted up as she lunged at Riga, “AAAAAAAARGH!” She grabbed Riga’s hands and clapped them together. Riga broke free and twisted Meara around by her head, then she stabbed Meara’s back twice before cutting it open and pinching the back of her neck. Meara collapsed to the floor, came crawling back towards Riga, and waved. Riga squealed, “Awww,” and patted Meara’s head. Meara bit Riga’s leg. Riga screamed, “AAAHHHH!” Meara got up and punched Riga down.
Meara looked very proud of herself. “Done and DONE!”
Submit ReviewReport Possible AbuseAdd Story to FavoritesAdd Author to FavoritesAdd Author to Author AlertAdd Story to C2 Archive 1. Cast2. A Long Expected Party3. The Shadow of the Past4. Three is Company5. A Shortcut to Mushrooms6. A Conspiracy Unmasked7. The Old Forest8. In the House of Mami Bmocnarf9. Fog On The Barrow Downs10. At the Sign of the Prancing Pony11. Strider12. A Knife in the Dark13. Flight to the Ford14. Many Meetings15. The Council of Elrond16. The Ring Goes South17. A Journey in the Dark18. The Bridge of KhazadDûm19. Lothlorien20. The Mirror of Galadriel21. Farewell to Lorien22. The Great River23. The Breaking of the Fellowship