Nibbling at the cole slaw - which she looked suspiciously at for a moment before deciding that it wasn't all that wretched - she wrinkled her nose. "We did the 'British thing' already," she reminded him. "Pub food and all that. And you only really get British food at the castle. I just figured you'd like something that didn't involve bangers or lamb."
Now tasting the potato salad, Lily decided she liked that far better than the cole slaw and munched on it eagerly. "And that is a deviled egg. I've not the foggiest why it's called that, actually." She paused and thought a moment, cocking her head as she regarded the eggs. "Do you think there's a reason? Or is it just one of those things, like 'Devils Food Cake' and 'Spotted Dick
( ... )
"Mmmm." Perry shook his head, tried to speak around a mouthful of potato salad, gave up, swallowed, and continued. "You're wrong about that -- the house elves make a pretty mean club sandwich, which, thank God, because no offense to your country, Red, but you guys do not know how food is supposed to work."
As for the eggs, he recognized the name when Lily mentioned it, but he was at as much a loss as she was. This was partly because he had no idea what made it 'deviled,' and partly because he had no idea why it was included in this so-called typically 'American' feast. He certainly had never had one before. Weren't they something tacky Midwestern housewives in the 50's put out at barbecues? Actually, that was pretty quintessentially American. At her question, he merely shrugged. "I... think it's got something to do with the way it's cooked?" he ventured. "Who the hell knows
( ... )
Her head dropped forward slightly at his touch and she made a soft noise of pleasure as his fingers worked at the kinks. "I should know better than to sit in the same position for hours," she smiled a little. "But I keep losing track of time." And sitting in the library or her room, bent over her research, was easier than lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She glanced over at him, then back down to her plate. "Seems to be a common affliction," she remarked mildly. If he wanted to talk about it, it was now vocalized. Not quite as blunt as telling him he looked like shite - after all, Lily knew that the dark circles under her eyes weren't completely hidden by the complexion charm she used - but at least it was out there that she'd noticed
( ... )
Lily's pointed comment, no matter how mild it was, made his hand still on her shoulder for a moment. Then, with a quiet sigh, he nodded, his lips quirking ruefully. "No kidding," he murmured in agreement, picking up again where he'd left off. Perry wasn't sure if he really wanted to talk about it. Of course, he never really wanted to talk about his feelings or his problems, but especially right here, right now... they were supposed to be relaxing. And he had mentioned Ben to her, briefly, but he wasn't sure if he was really ready for the full-on explanation, all the time and energy it would take to tell her why he was really there and just what it was he was doing late at nights in the library.
On the other hand... Perry regarded Lily's seemingly innocuous grin with deep suspicion, eyes narrowing. "You... mean like, what, a group thing, or a double date?" Oh, he was onto her. Back when they were married, Jordan had tried to get him to double date all the time. And now, apparently, Lily was picking up where she'd left off. Was this a
( ... )
Shifting slightly so that she was sitting closer to him, she leaned back a little into his hand. Lily reached out to rest her fingers lightly against his leg, her thumb stroking absently at his knee. Never one to shy away from talking, Lily still knew that right now wasn't the time to pry. She knew why he was pushing himself so hard - Jordan had told her about Ben, and about Perry's search for something, anything to help him - but he didn't know that she knew. And Lily wasn't going to tell him. This was something that he had a right to share with her on his own, if and when he ever decided to trust her with it. Eyes glancing up at his face in concern, she then gave him a slight smile of understanding. He didn't have to talk to her about it. He never had to tell her this, if he chose not to. She didn't know how his research was going - she was laying her money on 'badly', judging from his appearance - but Lily figured he had his own reasons for not involving her in this part of his life. Merlin knew she had her own things she
( ... )
Perry gave her a look of absolute horror that only got worse as she went on. First the jackass Doctor and his friends -- then the Captain and Tenille -- then Sirius? Sirius who he had flat-out promised never to talk about Lily to? Did Lily secretly hate him or something? He couldn't even say 'no' to that, there was no possible 'no' that was emphatic enough! And then he'd have to explain why no to Sirius, who, after all, was a good friend to both of them, and that would just lead to more trouble. And she wouldn't really be 'fine' with it, she'd be fine with it for like ten minutes and then try to weasel him into it again -- that was what Jordan had always done, at least
( ... )
She froze and looked at him, her jaw dropping slightly. "So...'no' to the dinner dates, then," she murmured after a moment. Her brain working quickly to catch up, she took a deep breath and moved so that she was sitting facing him, her legs crossed and her knees touching his. She took one of his hands in hers, and her forehead creased slightly as she thought
( ... )
Despite himself -- and right now he was feeling like there was plenty to spite -- he laughed at her little joke, but it was a quiet, sad sort of a laugh. "A big no," he replied softly, determinedly looking anywhere but at her. He flinched a tiny bit as she took his hand, but didn't pull away, and after a brief moment of hesitation laced his fingers with hers and gave her hand a brief squeeze.
Propping up one knee, he rested his head in his free hand and once again sighed. In response to Lily's questions, he merely nodded, feeling suddenly very drained. He really hadn't meant to tell her. It was nothing personal; he hadn't meant to tell anyone other than Jordan, and that was only because Ben was her brother. It might have been foolish, but for some reason Perry had decided almost immediately upon arriving that he needed to do this alone. Maybe it was because, deep down, he knew he probably didn't have a chance in hell. Because when he failed, he didn't want anyone else to see, and he didn't want to drag anyone else down with him. He
( ... )
Sitting quietly, her eyes on him, she honestly felt as if her heart broke a little. He was in so much pain, she could see it, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. And Lily would have walked through hell to take it away from him if she could. All she could do was listen. A sick feeling of helplessness knotted her stomach; one which she knew was only a shadow of what he must be feeling
( ... )
Perry might have been stupid enough to try for this, but he wasn't stupid enough to really believe he had a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding. At least, not anymore. It made him sick to think how optomistic he had been when he had first arrived. He wasn't a wizard, he wasn't even an oncologist, and he was going to, what, stumble into this place and cure leukemia? Of course he hadn't expected to find the answers right away, but those early small breakthroughs -- the potion he'd invented, his job at the hospital wing -- had seemed so crucial, so deeply promising. It was only now that he was beginning to realize just how far in over his head he was, how incredibly, impossibly huge a task he'd set for himself. The truth was, the past few days especially had been more crushing to that silly spark of optomism than even Perry himself realized, and his hope was all but gone.
It didn't mean he was going to stop. Not yet, not by a longshot. But there was no reason anyone -- least of all Lily, who hadn't even met Ben -- needed to join him
( ... )
Swallowing hard, forcing down the tears that were threatening along with a dozen protests as to why he should let her work alongside him, she nodded slowly. Her free hand reached out to him, gently pulling his head towards her, thumb stroking lightly on the nape of his neck. Resting her forehead against his for a moment, Lily suddenly wished that she'd been raised Muggle. That she'd gone to medical school, that she had the knowledge to talk to him about this. She knew that he saw all of the Magic that she built her life around as...as something silly she used to charm a water bottle to refill. It was evident from the fact that his wand was rarely used, outside of what was necessary. Perry had no concept of the depth and breadth of what it truly meant to be a Wizard. And so, she felt there was this invisible chasm between them; mostly just haze in the background, but at moments like this, it seemed massive. She couldn't help but wonder if she were more like him, more like what he thought of as real, if he'd let her in. If he
( ... )
Maybe it was just one of those things. That Perry was feeling so tapped out there was nowhere to go but up, or the stress had made him giddy, or something. Whatever it was, when Lily held up the pie with that innocent smile, he cracked, and a laugh, soft and hoarse but a laugh all the same, broke out from deep inside him. Suddenly feeling the need to touch her, just because, he gently pushed the hands holding the pie tin away, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her, softly but intently.
Drawing back, he brushed his fingers over her cheek, watching her for a moment, scanning her face. It was odd: nothing had actually changed in the past few minutes. The weight on Perry's shoulders was as great as ever, the hollow tight feeling in his chest as gnawing, and there was still a great deal of pain in his eyes as he looked at her. And yet, he found that despite all that he could smile, and he did
( ... )
Returning his kisses, her own lips tugging up in response to his smile, Lily met his gaze steadily. She was startled to see a look in his eyes that she recognized. One that had been passed between the Order members every time they'd approached a house with the Dark Mark above it. One she remembered seeing in Dumbledore's face the day he'd asked her to join the movement against Voldemort. One she'd seen lurking in her own eyes when she realized the child she was carrying would be hunted and hated, that her precious son would have a horrible destiny hanging over his head. The look, that stomach-dropping look, she recalled from the night they'd decided to use Sirius as bait, to let Peter be their Secret Keeper. And one she saw over and over again in her nightmares when she and James knew who was outside their door.
Once again she felt the sharp agony of a helpless longing to do something to prevent him from having to endure this. And yet Lily knew, better than most, that this had no easy solution. That once he'd accepted this
( ... )
Now tasting the potato salad, Lily decided she liked that far better than the cole slaw and munched on it eagerly. "And that is a deviled egg. I've not the foggiest why it's called that, actually." She paused and thought a moment, cocking her head as she regarded the eggs. "Do you think there's a reason? Or is it just one of those things, like 'Devils Food Cake' and 'Spotted Dick ( ... )
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As for the eggs, he recognized the name when Lily mentioned it, but he was at as much a loss as she was. This was partly because he had no idea what made it 'deviled,' and partly because he had no idea why it was included in this so-called typically 'American' feast. He certainly had never had one before. Weren't they something tacky Midwestern housewives in the 50's put out at barbecues? Actually, that was pretty quintessentially American. At her question, he merely shrugged. "I... think it's got something to do with the way it's cooked?" he ventured. "Who the hell knows ( ... )
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On the other hand... Perry regarded Lily's seemingly innocuous grin with deep suspicion, eyes narrowing. "You... mean like, what, a group thing, or a double date?" Oh, he was onto her. Back when they were married, Jordan had tried to get him to double date all the time. And now, apparently, Lily was picking up where she'd left off. Was this a ( ... )
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Propping up one knee, he rested his head in his free hand and once again sighed. In response to Lily's questions, he merely nodded, feeling suddenly very drained. He really hadn't meant to tell her. It was nothing personal; he hadn't meant to tell anyone other than Jordan, and that was only because Ben was her brother. It might have been foolish, but for some reason Perry had decided almost immediately upon arriving that he needed to do this alone. Maybe it was because, deep down, he knew he probably didn't have a chance in hell. Because when he failed, he didn't want anyone else to see, and he didn't want to drag anyone else down with him. He ( ... )
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It didn't mean he was going to stop. Not yet, not by a longshot. But there was no reason anyone -- least of all Lily, who hadn't even met Ben -- needed to join him ( ... )
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Drawing back, he brushed his fingers over her cheek, watching her for a moment, scanning her face. It was odd: nothing had actually changed in the past few minutes. The weight on Perry's shoulders was as great as ever, the hollow tight feeling in his chest as gnawing, and there was still a great deal of pain in his eyes as he looked at her. And yet, he found that despite all that he could smile, and he did ( ... )
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Once again she felt the sharp agony of a helpless longing to do something to prevent him from having to endure this. And yet Lily knew, better than most, that this had no easy solution. That once he'd accepted this ( ... )
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