Her head dropped forward slightly at his touch and she made a soft noise of pleasure as his fingers worked at the kinks. "I should know better than to sit in the same position for hours," she smiled a little. "But I keep losing track of time." And sitting in the library or her room, bent over her research, was easier than lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She glanced over at him, then back down to her plate. "Seems to be a common affliction," she remarked mildly. If he wanted to talk about it, it was now vocalized. Not quite as blunt as telling him he looked like shite - after all, Lily knew that the dark circles under her eyes weren't completely hidden by the complexion charm she used - but at least it was out there that she'd noticed.
Taking a bite of potato salad, she then neatly changed the subject. "I was thinking we might get some drinks with some mates. Or perhaps a bite to eat. Would you be up for that, Ginger?" she flashed him a grin. Not really knowing how he'd feel about the idea of a 'double date' or even her bringing up 'couple-y things', she decided to make it sound as casual as possible. But Jack and JD had mentioned that they wouldn't be opposed to an outing with them; and she still owed a drink to the Doctor, Sarah Jane, and Harry.
Lily's pointed comment, no matter how mild it was, made his hand still on her shoulder for a moment. Then, with a quiet sigh, he nodded, his lips quirking ruefully. "No kidding," he murmured in agreement, picking up again where he'd left off. Perry wasn't sure if he really wanted to talk about it. Of course, he never really wanted to talk about his feelings or his problems, but especially right here, right now... they were supposed to be relaxing. And he had mentioned Ben to her, briefly, but he wasn't sure if he was really ready for the full-on explanation, all the time and energy it would take to tell her why he was really there and just what it was he was doing late at nights in the library.
On the other hand... Perry regarded Lily's seemingly innocuous grin with deep suspicion, eyes narrowing. "You... mean like, what, a group thing, or a double date?" Oh, he was onto her. Back when they were married, Jordan had tried to get him to double date all the time. And now, apparently, Lily was picking up where she'd left off. Was this a girl thing or what?
Shifting slightly so that she was sitting closer to him, she leaned back a little into his hand. Lily reached out to rest her fingers lightly against his leg, her thumb stroking absently at his knee. Never one to shy away from talking, Lily still knew that right now wasn't the time to pry. She knew why he was pushing himself so hard - Jordan had told her about Ben, and about Perry's search for something, anything to help him - but he didn't know that she knew. And Lily wasn't going to tell him. This was something that he had a right to share with her on his own, if and when he ever decided to trust her with it. Eyes glancing up at his face in concern, she then gave him a slight smile of understanding. He didn't have to talk to her about it. He never had to tell her this, if he chose not to. She didn't know how his research was going - she was laying her money on 'badly', judging from his appearance - but Lily figured he had his own reasons for not involving her in this part of his life. Merlin knew she had her own things she'd rather just not talk about. Pressing light kiss to the corner of his mouth, she turned her attention back to finishing her chicken.
Her grin widened at his look and she laughed. "Little of both, actually. Thought it might be fun to have some drinks with the Doctor and some of his mates that just got sorted - one of them is a Medical Doctor, like you. Harry Sullivan. He seemed like a nice bloke. I had to Squib him," she rolled her eyes ruefully, "but he told me I could make it up to him if I bought him a pint." Shrugging, she took a drink of her Firewhisky. "JD and Jack thought it might be fun if we all went out." Her lips twitched slightly. "I'm sure you agree with that, eh?" teasing, she looked up at him. "I'd also like to go out to dinner with Sirius sometime. But only if you want to, Ginger." She shrugged, honestly looking as if she wouldn't care if he said no. "If you hate the idea, 's quite all right with me. Just a thought."
Perry gave her a look of absolute horror that only got worse as she went on. First the jackass Doctor and his friends -- then the Captain and Tenille -- then Sirius? Sirius who he had flat-out promised never to talk about Lily to? Did Lily secretly hate him or something? He couldn't even say 'no' to that, there was no possible 'no' that was emphatic enough! And then he'd have to explain why no to Sirius, who, after all, was a good friend to both of them, and that would just lead to more trouble. And she wouldn't really be 'fine' with it, she'd be fine with it for like ten minutes and then try to weasel him into it again -- that was what Jordan had always done, at least.
Perry's brain basically shut down at this point. He was tired, he was stressed, and now he was deeply disturbed at the idea of being forced to mingle with people who alternately annoyed and hated him and/or to completely alienate one of his closest friends. "My best friend has cancer and I'm trying to fix it and I don't think I can," he blurted out, by way of diverting the subject. Whoops. Realizing what he had just said, his eyes widened, then closed in a long-suffered wince. He pulled away from her and rubbed a hand over his face, sighing. "I... that's... what's going on," he added weakly, as if to explain where that had come from. All things considered, probably not the best change of topic ever. Damn.
((Reposted for icon and composition changes :D;;;))
She froze and looked at him, her jaw dropping slightly. "So...'no' to the dinner dates, then," she murmured after a moment. Her brain working quickly to catch up, she took a deep breath and moved so that she was sitting facing him, her legs crossed and her knees touching his. She took one of his hands in hers, and her forehead creased slightly as she thought.
"This is Ben, yeah?" asked Lily quietly. "And that's what you're looking for in your tower of books?" Eyes searching his face, she paused for a moment and then looked down at their joined fingers. In truth, she was a bit blown over that he had, for one, decided to tell her and, second, just spilled it out there with no preamble. Experienced at not letting people know everything she was aware of - job skill picked up during the War - she wasn't concerned about letting on that she'd already known about Ben. What made her hesitate was the fact that she knew he needed a break. It was fairly clearly written on his face that he needed some time to relax and de-stress. The last thing Lily wanted was for him to continue in this topic if he didn't want to.
Finally, she raised her eyes again. "You don't have to tell me this, Perry. You look like hell, and I can't imagine this is something you talk about to unwind. I want to know, I do. I want to help, in any way you'd let me. Even if it is just listening. But we do not, in any way, have to do this now. We don't even have to talk, if you don't want to. Just...just tell me what you need, love, and I'll do my best to give it to you."
Despite himself -- and right now he was feeling like there was plenty to spite -- he laughed at her little joke, but it was a quiet, sad sort of a laugh. "A big no," he replied softly, determinedly looking anywhere but at her. He flinched a tiny bit as she took his hand, but didn't pull away, and after a brief moment of hesitation laced his fingers with hers and gave her hand a brief squeeze.
Propping up one knee, he rested his head in his free hand and once again sighed. In response to Lily's questions, he merely nodded, feeling suddenly very drained. He really hadn't meant to tell her. It was nothing personal; he hadn't meant to tell anyone other than Jordan, and that was only because Ben was her brother. It might have been foolish, but for some reason Perry had decided almost immediately upon arriving that he needed to do this alone. Maybe it was because, deep down, he knew he probably didn't have a chance in hell. Because when he failed, he didn't want anyone else to see, and he didn't want to drag anyone else down with him. He had to try, he had to, but... no one else had that same obligation.
"There's... not a whole lot you could do, Red, even if I..." If he were willing to let anyone else in, on this particular point. Looking up at her, he shook his head somberly. "It's not working. I've tried... a lot of things, so far, and..." He lifted his head, freeing his hand long enough to make a little 'poof' gesture. "Nothing. Even if there is anything out there, it could take years to..." He smiled weakly, his eyes pained. "I don't even know if I have years, you know?"
Sitting quietly, her eyes on him, she honestly felt as if her heart broke a little. He was in so much pain, she could see it, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. And Lily would have walked through hell to take it away from him if she could. All she could do was listen. A sick feeling of helplessness knotted her stomach; one which she knew was only a shadow of what he must be feeling.
Wizards had always kept separate from the Muggle world. Some said it was because of the blood-purity issues, but most agreed it all came down to the fact that Magic was a dangerous hope. To someone on the outside, it could appear to be a cure-all, a very literal magic pill to solve all humankind's ills and problems. But it wasn't. It was as fallible and limited as anything else. Magic couldn't bring back the dead, it couldn't protect against all disease, it couldn't even guarantee a long life. It was a tool Wizards used to improve their lot, but mortality was still an ever looming threat. One of the biggest fears Wizards had was that, being discovered, they would be overrun by Muggles begging for solutions to all their problems. And, once those supplicants realized that even Magic couldn't always hold back death or illness or pain, they would be destroyed. An entire race brought down by the terrible promise that Magic could hold.
On the one hand, Lily admired what Perry was doing. In fact, it was the exact same thing she would have done in his situation. But the other, more practical side - the one that understood the theories behind what he was trying to accomplish and had spent eleven years of her life absorbed in the magics he would have been studying - knew it was hopeless. And that knowledge made her throat close up and her gaze falter from his. Potions, charms, transfiguration - all of these would be things Perry would more than likely be drawing from, desperately trying to find a cure. Cancer wasn't something that plagued Wizard-kind, so he would be flailing through uncharted territory. He might be a damn fine Doctor, but he was a novice Wizard at best. The thought of him struggling to learn all the things he'd need to even begin to makes sense of what he would be researching made her chest literally ache. If there'd been any part of her that didn't respect and care for him before this moment, he'd have won her over completely with this. She knew, better than most, the value of friendship; she'd lived her adult life amoung people who would literally give their lives for each other. To see such values displayed in him, to see him care so very deeply about Ben, made her realize all over again what an amazing man he was. Even despite all the ranting and anger and emotional-intimacy fears.
"Let me help," she said quietly. Her eyes lifted back to his, her gaze determined. She knew it was a futile hope, but she'd be damned if she was going to let him go through this alone. "I might not know the medical side of it, Ginger, but I'm a fairly good Witch. I could at least help with the Magic end of things." Even as she spoke, she knew he'd turn her down. But she had to offer. "Two heads better than one, and all that," she smiled a little, her hand squeezing his gently.
Perry might have been stupid enough to try for this, but he wasn't stupid enough to really believe he had a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding. At least, not anymore. It made him sick to think how optomistic he had been when he had first arrived. He wasn't a wizard, he wasn't even an oncologist, and he was going to, what, stumble into this place and cure leukemia? Of course he hadn't expected to find the answers right away, but those early small breakthroughs -- the potion he'd invented, his job at the hospital wing -- had seemed so crucial, so deeply promising. It was only now that he was beginning to realize just how far in over his head he was, how incredibly, impossibly huge a task he'd set for himself. The truth was, the past few days especially had been more crushing to that silly spark of optomism than even Perry himself realized, and his hope was all but gone.
It didn't mean he was going to stop. Not yet, not by a longshot. But there was no reason anyone -- least of all Lily, who hadn't even met Ben -- needed to join him on what was the medical equivalent of a suicide mission. More than that: if he was going to crash and burn, he needed to do it alone.
He wasn't surprised by her offer, but he gave the answer they both knew he was going to give. Shaking his head, the sad smile on his face softened and faded. "Please," he muttered, sarcastic, but sad, the 'no' left implied hanging after. Please, no. And something else, too, another plea in his voice that became clear when his eyes lifted to hers. For once, the walls were down, for he was far too tired to keep them up, and his eyes, intent, said what he hadn't: please, don't act like this is real.
Swallowing hard, forcing down the tears that were threatening along with a dozen protests as to why he should let her work alongside him, she nodded slowly. Her free hand reached out to him, gently pulling his head towards her, thumb stroking lightly on the nape of his neck. Resting her forehead against his for a moment, Lily suddenly wished that she'd been raised Muggle. That she'd gone to medical school, that she had the knowledge to talk to him about this. She knew that he saw all of the Magic that she built her life around as...as something silly she used to charm a water bottle to refill. It was evident from the fact that his wand was rarely used, outside of what was necessary. Perry had no concept of the depth and breadth of what it truly meant to be a Wizard. And so, she felt there was this invisible chasm between them; mostly just haze in the background, but at moments like this, it seemed massive. She couldn't help but wonder if she were more like him, more like what he thought of as real, if he'd let her in. If he wouldn't feel the need to shoulder this alone. Maybe not.
Kissing him softly, she looked at him for a moment. Acknowledging what he hadn't said, giving him what support he'd accept from her, letting him know how sodding proud she was of him. Then she drew back and moved to again sit beside him. He might not let her struggle on with him through this, but Lily would do whatever else she could to make the fight a little easier on him. Right now, he needed a break from all the stress he had taken on. So, she would try and give him that. And he was sleeping tonight, if she had to tie him to the bed to accomplish that.
Really, there was only one thing she could think of to do to move the conversation away. Picking up the apple pie, she turned to him and gave him a small smile. "Pie, Ginger?" she asked innocently. What? Dessert was a nice, safe topic that probably wouldn't end in 'my best friend is slowly dying and there's nothing I can do about it'. At least, she hoped not. Cause her only other thought involved outdoor sex, and that might not be appropriate at this moment.
Maybe it was just one of those things. That Perry was feeling so tapped out there was nowhere to go but up, or the stress had made him giddy, or something. Whatever it was, when Lily held up the pie with that innocent smile, he cracked, and a laugh, soft and hoarse but a laugh all the same, broke out from deep inside him. Suddenly feeling the need to touch her, just because, he gently pushed the hands holding the pie tin away, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her, softly but intently.
Drawing back, he brushed his fingers over her cheek, watching her for a moment, scanning her face. It was odd: nothing had actually changed in the past few minutes. The weight on Perry's shoulders was as great as ever, the hollow tight feeling in his chest as gnawing, and there was still a great deal of pain in his eyes as he looked at her. And yet, he found that despite all that he could smile, and he did.
The truth was, he was incredibly lucky to have her. Even if the hiking trip had slightly backfired on them, the way she was still putting so much effort into just trying to make him feel better... In a lesser woman, he might have mocked it as a thin attempt to please, or turning oneself into a doormat, but he respected Lily far too much to see this as anything but the support and warmth that was being offered him. "Thank you," he said quietly, meaning it with all his guarded, broken heart. He kissed her again, then tipped her chin down to kiss her forehead softly.
Pulling away, he reached for his Firewhisky and drained down the rest of his glass in one neat swallow. He lay down, pillowing his head with his arms, and tried to make himelf relax again. He had been feeling so good for a while, there. What on earth had happened, anyway?
Returning his kisses, her own lips tugging up in response to his smile, Lily met his gaze steadily. She was startled to see a look in his eyes that she recognized. One that had been passed between the Order members every time they'd approached a house with the Dark Mark above it. One she remembered seeing in Dumbledore's face the day he'd asked her to join the movement against Voldemort. One she'd seen lurking in her own eyes when she realized the child she was carrying would be hunted and hated, that her precious son would have a horrible destiny hanging over his head. The look, that stomach-dropping look, she recalled from the night they'd decided to use Sirius as bait, to let Peter be their Secret Keeper. And one she saw over and over again in her nightmares when she and James knew who was outside their door.
Once again she felt the sharp agony of a helpless longing to do something to prevent him from having to endure this. And yet Lily knew, better than most, that this had no easy solution. That once he'd accepted this pain, it was his, and it wasn't going away. The shadow of it would haunt his eyes from now on, and all she could do was hold his hand. If she could, Lily would take it from him. All of it - the pain, the helpless fear, the sorrow, the guilt, the hopeless frantic need - she would willingly take on herself, to spare him this. But, of course, she couldn't. And imagining his reaction if he knew she was thinking this made her smile softly. So, she'd just sodding hold his hand, then. It wasn't much - wasn't anything, really - but if it was everything she could do, then it was what she would pour herself into. And the fact that he still could smile, in spite of all of it, made her think that, maybe, he'd find a way to live with the look and all that it meant. All that lurked behind it.
When he thanked her for her pale efforts, her breath caught slightly and she swallowed, hard, to again force back tears. 'You're welcome' seemed so inadequate, so out of place, so she simply put all of the emotion behind those words into her kiss and hoped that he understood. That of course she'd done what small things she could, and would continue to do them as long as he let her; that he didn't need to be alone if he didn't want to be; that she wasn't going anywhere; that she'd support him however she could. Hell of a lot to put into a kiss, but she tried. Words - usually her first resource - failed her and so the kiss would have to do.
Lying down on her stomach beside him, she closed her eyes and sighed. This was...not how this entire day was supposed to go. That thought made her laugh a little, and she couldn't stop the smile that crossed her face. So, hiking was good, picnics were all right, but talks of double dating were right out. "Once," she said, seemingly out of the blue, "my roommates and I decided to go skinny dipping in the lake. We snuck out one night, stripped off all of our clothes, and went streaking down to the water. The swimming bit went fairly well - with the help of some warming charms we'd put on before going out - but when we went back to find our clothes they were...well, someone - we never really found out who - decided to 'liberate' them. So there we were, five naked, sopping wet girls standing out on the great lawn." She glanced at him and grinned, "Go ahead and picture it, Ginger. It was quite a sight. So then - as none of us had thought to bring our wands - we had to somehow make our way back up to Gryffindor tower without being caught. I believe the theme of that evening was 'this seemed like a better idea when we all had our clothes on'." She glanced at him and shrugged. "Somehow that struck me as an appropriate anecdote."
Taking a bite of potato salad, she then neatly changed the subject. "I was thinking we might get some drinks with some mates. Or perhaps a bite to eat. Would you be up for that, Ginger?" she flashed him a grin. Not really knowing how he'd feel about the idea of a 'double date' or even her bringing up 'couple-y things', she decided to make it sound as casual as possible. But Jack and JD had mentioned that they wouldn't be opposed to an outing with them; and she still owed a drink to the Doctor, Sarah Jane, and Harry.
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On the other hand... Perry regarded Lily's seemingly innocuous grin with deep suspicion, eyes narrowing. "You... mean like, what, a group thing, or a double date?" Oh, he was onto her. Back when they were married, Jordan had tried to get him to double date all the time. And now, apparently, Lily was picking up where she'd left off. Was this a girl thing or what?
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Her grin widened at his look and she laughed. "Little of both, actually. Thought it might be fun to have some drinks with the Doctor and some of his mates that just got sorted - one of them is a Medical Doctor, like you. Harry Sullivan. He seemed like a nice bloke. I had to Squib him," she rolled her eyes ruefully, "but he told me I could make it up to him if I bought him a pint." Shrugging, she took a drink of her Firewhisky. "JD and Jack thought it might be fun if we all went out." Her lips twitched slightly. "I'm sure you agree with that, eh?" teasing, she looked up at him. "I'd also like to go out to dinner with Sirius sometime. But only if you want to, Ginger." She shrugged, honestly looking as if she wouldn't care if he said no. "If you hate the idea, 's quite all right with me. Just a thought."
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Perry's brain basically shut down at this point. He was tired, he was stressed, and now he was deeply disturbed at the idea of being forced to mingle with people who alternately annoyed and hated him and/or to completely alienate one of his closest friends. "My best friend has cancer and I'm trying to fix it and I don't think I can," he blurted out, by way of diverting the subject. Whoops. Realizing what he had just said, his eyes widened, then closed in a long-suffered wince. He pulled away from her and rubbed a hand over his face, sighing. "I... that's... what's going on," he added weakly, as if to explain where that had come from. All things considered, probably not the best change of topic ever. Damn.
((Reposted for icon and composition changes :D;;;))
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"This is Ben, yeah?" asked Lily quietly. "And that's what you're looking for in your tower of books?" Eyes searching his face, she paused for a moment and then looked down at their joined fingers. In truth, she was a bit blown over that he had, for one, decided to tell her and, second, just spilled it out there with no preamble. Experienced at not letting people know everything she was aware of - job skill picked up during the War - she wasn't concerned about letting on that she'd already known about Ben. What made her hesitate was the fact that she knew he needed a break. It was fairly clearly written on his face that he needed some time to relax and de-stress. The last thing Lily wanted was for him to continue in this topic if he didn't want to.
Finally, she raised her eyes again. "You don't have to tell me this, Perry. You look like hell, and I can't imagine this is something you talk about to unwind. I want to know, I do. I want to help, in any way you'd let me. Even if it is just listening. But we do not, in any way, have to do this now. We don't even have to talk, if you don't want to. Just...just tell me what you need, love, and I'll do my best to give it to you."
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Propping up one knee, he rested his head in his free hand and once again sighed. In response to Lily's questions, he merely nodded, feeling suddenly very drained. He really hadn't meant to tell her. It was nothing personal; he hadn't meant to tell anyone other than Jordan, and that was only because Ben was her brother. It might have been foolish, but for some reason Perry had decided almost immediately upon arriving that he needed to do this alone. Maybe it was because, deep down, he knew he probably didn't have a chance in hell. Because when he failed, he didn't want anyone else to see, and he didn't want to drag anyone else down with him. He had to try, he had to, but... no one else had that same obligation.
"There's... not a whole lot you could do, Red, even if I..." If he were willing to let anyone else in, on this particular point. Looking up at her, he shook his head somberly. "It's not working. I've tried... a lot of things, so far, and..." He lifted his head, freeing his hand long enough to make a little 'poof' gesture. "Nothing. Even if there is anything out there, it could take years to..." He smiled weakly, his eyes pained. "I don't even know if I have years, you know?"
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Wizards had always kept separate from the Muggle world. Some said it was because of the blood-purity issues, but most agreed it all came down to the fact that Magic was a dangerous hope. To someone on the outside, it could appear to be a cure-all, a very literal magic pill to solve all humankind's ills and problems. But it wasn't. It was as fallible and limited as anything else. Magic couldn't bring back the dead, it couldn't protect against all disease, it couldn't even guarantee a long life. It was a tool Wizards used to improve their lot, but mortality was still an ever looming threat. One of the biggest fears Wizards had was that, being discovered, they would be overrun by Muggles begging for solutions to all their problems. And, once those supplicants realized that even Magic couldn't always hold back death or illness or pain, they would be destroyed. An entire race brought down by the terrible promise that Magic could hold.
On the one hand, Lily admired what Perry was doing. In fact, it was the exact same thing she would have done in his situation. But the other, more practical side - the one that understood the theories behind what he was trying to accomplish and had spent eleven years of her life absorbed in the magics he would have been studying - knew it was hopeless. And that knowledge made her throat close up and her gaze falter from his. Potions, charms, transfiguration - all of these would be things Perry would more than likely be drawing from, desperately trying to find a cure. Cancer wasn't something that plagued Wizard-kind, so he would be flailing through uncharted territory. He might be a damn fine Doctor, but he was a novice Wizard at best. The thought of him struggling to learn all the things he'd need to even begin to makes sense of what he would be researching made her chest literally ache. If there'd been any part of her that didn't respect and care for him before this moment, he'd have won her over completely with this. She knew, better than most, the value of friendship; she'd lived her adult life amoung people who would literally give their lives for each other. To see such values displayed in him, to see him care so very deeply about Ben, made her realize all over again what an amazing man he was. Even despite all the ranting and anger and emotional-intimacy fears.
"Let me help," she said quietly. Her eyes lifted back to his, her gaze determined. She knew it was a futile hope, but she'd be damned if she was going to let him go through this alone. "I might not know the medical side of it, Ginger, but I'm a fairly good Witch. I could at least help with the Magic end of things." Even as she spoke, she knew he'd turn her down. But she had to offer. "Two heads better than one, and all that," she smiled a little, her hand squeezing his gently.
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It didn't mean he was going to stop. Not yet, not by a longshot. But there was no reason anyone -- least of all Lily, who hadn't even met Ben -- needed to join him on what was the medical equivalent of a suicide mission. More than that: if he was going to crash and burn, he needed to do it alone.
He wasn't surprised by her offer, but he gave the answer they both knew he was going to give. Shaking his head, the sad smile on his face softened and faded. "Please," he muttered, sarcastic, but sad, the 'no' left implied hanging after. Please, no. And something else, too, another plea in his voice that became clear when his eyes lifted to hers. For once, the walls were down, for he was far too tired to keep them up, and his eyes, intent, said what he hadn't: please, don't act like this is real.
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Kissing him softly, she looked at him for a moment. Acknowledging what he hadn't said, giving him what support he'd accept from her, letting him know how sodding proud she was of him. Then she drew back and moved to again sit beside him. He might not let her struggle on with him through this, but Lily would do whatever else she could to make the fight a little easier on him. Right now, he needed a break from all the stress he had taken on. So, she would try and give him that. And he was sleeping tonight, if she had to tie him to the bed to accomplish that.
Really, there was only one thing she could think of to do to move the conversation away. Picking up the apple pie, she turned to him and gave him a small smile. "Pie, Ginger?" she asked innocently. What? Dessert was a nice, safe topic that probably wouldn't end in 'my best friend is slowly dying and there's nothing I can do about it'. At least, she hoped not. Cause her only other thought involved outdoor sex, and that might not be appropriate at this moment.
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Drawing back, he brushed his fingers over her cheek, watching her for a moment, scanning her face. It was odd: nothing had actually changed in the past few minutes. The weight on Perry's shoulders was as great as ever, the hollow tight feeling in his chest as gnawing, and there was still a great deal of pain in his eyes as he looked at her. And yet, he found that despite all that he could smile, and he did.
The truth was, he was incredibly lucky to have her. Even if the hiking trip had slightly backfired on them, the way she was still putting so much effort into just trying to make him feel better... In a lesser woman, he might have mocked it as a thin attempt to please, or turning oneself into a doormat, but he respected Lily far too much to see this as anything but the support and warmth that was being offered him. "Thank you," he said quietly, meaning it with all his guarded, broken heart. He kissed her again, then tipped her chin down to kiss her forehead softly.
Pulling away, he reached for his Firewhisky and drained down the rest of his glass in one neat swallow. He lay down, pillowing his head with his arms, and tried to make himelf relax again. He had been feeling so good for a while, there. What on earth had happened, anyway?
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Once again she felt the sharp agony of a helpless longing to do something to prevent him from having to endure this. And yet Lily knew, better than most, that this had no easy solution. That once he'd accepted this pain, it was his, and it wasn't going away. The shadow of it would haunt his eyes from now on, and all she could do was hold his hand. If she could, Lily would take it from him. All of it - the pain, the helpless fear, the sorrow, the guilt, the hopeless frantic need - she would willingly take on herself, to spare him this. But, of course, she couldn't. And imagining his reaction if he knew she was thinking this made her smile softly. So, she'd just sodding hold his hand, then. It wasn't much - wasn't anything, really - but if it was everything she could do, then it was what she would pour herself into. And the fact that he still could smile, in spite of all of it, made her think that, maybe, he'd find a way to live with the look and all that it meant. All that lurked behind it.
When he thanked her for her pale efforts, her breath caught slightly and she swallowed, hard, to again force back tears. 'You're welcome' seemed so inadequate, so out of place, so she simply put all of the emotion behind those words into her kiss and hoped that he understood. That of course she'd done what small things she could, and would continue to do them as long as he let her; that he didn't need to be alone if he didn't want to be; that she wasn't going anywhere; that she'd support him however she could. Hell of a lot to put into a kiss, but she tried. Words - usually her first resource - failed her and so the kiss would have to do.
Lying down on her stomach beside him, she closed her eyes and sighed. This was...not how this entire day was supposed to go. That thought made her laugh a little, and she couldn't stop the smile that crossed her face. So, hiking was good, picnics were all right, but talks of double dating were right out. "Once," she said, seemingly out of the blue, "my roommates and I decided to go skinny dipping in the lake. We snuck out one night, stripped off all of our clothes, and went streaking down to the water. The swimming bit went fairly well - with the help of some warming charms we'd put on before going out - but when we went back to find our clothes they were...well, someone - we never really found out who - decided to 'liberate' them. So there we were, five naked, sopping wet girls standing out on the great lawn." She glanced at him and grinned, "Go ahead and picture it, Ginger. It was quite a sight. So then - as none of us had thought to bring our wands - we had to somehow make our way back up to Gryffindor tower without being caught. I believe the theme of that evening was 'this seemed like a better idea when we all had our clothes on'." She glanced at him and shrugged. "Somehow that struck me as an appropriate anecdote."
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