Not half as bad as other things, kid. Believe me. You see this guy called Dibbler? And his sausages? Just walk on and don't make eye contact.
And I can't think of anyone who would want my soul. Can't imagine what use they'd get out of it. If they tried to collect, now, that would be interesting. Something's tried to eat my soul before, after all. Didn't work.
((Hee! And thank you. A little bird prodded me to come here-ward. Saw there was no Vimes. Could not let such a travesty continue.))
In some places, sausages are made up of a little pink stuff or grey stuff and a lot of breadcrumb. I only wish the same could be said of Dibbler's sausages. I'm not sure they're even [i]organic[/i].
And anyone who wants to take my soul will have to deal with me first. I guarantee they'll find someone easier. Apparently it thought I would make a good embodiment of violent justice and revenge. It apparently thought I had some weakness in this regard. Luckily, I've already had experience fighting off an individual who wants to burn the world clean of people who use their power to hurt and control. His name's Sam Vimes.
((I only hope I can do him justice. Mad, mad Vimes love. He -- and a certain Naval officer already being played on here -- are my WUN TWOO WUV. Except... there's two. Hm.))
Nice to see someone from home. You look... have we met? You don't look like anyone I've arrested, but I swear I've seen you or someone like you before.
((Well, with all the times he's seen Susan's granddad... I doubt he ever met her parents, though. He wasn't nobby enough before they died))
My manners have gone walking again -- this place is no good for them, I swear. I'm Susan Sto Helit. I was a governess and teacher in Ankh-Morpork for some years before I came here.
There's quite a few of us from home, actually, although not as many as there used to be. The Patrician was actually here, although he seems to have gone missing -- and so has CMOT Dibbler, actually.
((...and I am now seriously considering de-popcorning Dibbler, if Vimes is here. Gah!))
Oh -- you must be related to the... what was it. Duke of Sto Helit? Who's running the city now, anyway?
Can't say I'm not sorry to see Dibbler around. Or the gods-damned Patrician, for that matter... Are any of my men here? Anyone I know? No offense, ma'am; it's good to see someone who recognises me knows where I'm from, but I'm wondering just who else is around.
I heard something about a few people who wouldn't want their faces seen back home, if you take my meaning.
More often than I'd care to admit. The dwarves hate the trolls. The trolls hate the dwarfs. The idiots hate them all. There's a lot of idiots. And I get to employ at least one of each type.
(('tis a giddy, giddy Pratchett fan you've made me!))
I'm not sure I understand just what your position is, Sir, though it's clearly a distinguished one. I mean, obviously you're a high-ranking nobleman, yet you speak like a hard-working man - two things that seldom go together in my experience.
Should I call you Your Excellency or Commander, and what military are you a commander in, if I may ask?
Call me Commander or Sir Samuel, if you want. I'm just a watchman. Commander of the watch, but still a watchman. Duke is just another word for the same thing, only with knobs on.
I like it. The stuff that comes out of those green cans has no taste, and that Lancre Blue Vein smells too much like what it is -- milk gone off. You, my lad, can take your cheese and...
And here I was worrying about the culture shock because I'm from Japan! *laughs* I'm guessing you're from someplace a little different from here. Would you mind telling me about it? That is, if you've got the time. I understand that high ranking officials in any organization usually don't have time to feed themselves, much less make small talk.
Japan. You look like one of those Agateans. We get them in the city sometimes, usually behind iconographs. I like Agateans. They don't cause trouble. Except for that Twoflowers or whatever his name was. If that magnet for trouble tries to enter my city he won't get past the first gate. His merry little adventure can take place in the cabbage fields.
We're the biggest city on the Sto Plains. We're also the smelliest, grubbiest, and once the most corrupt city, too. I can't do much about the smelly and the grubby. The corruption, that my men and I have been able to do something about. Apparently we're also what they call a 'world power', which means we get to sling ourselves around as we like and shove our noses into everyone else's business while not actually getting into any scraps. Vetinari keeps things running to the point that if we called in all our debts, we'd bankrupt half the other countries in the world.
Sounds like you're doing a great deal of good work. I like to see honest people working hard to make the world a better place for others. Makes me feel less like I wasted my life doing the same. And no, I won't cause any trouble. Can't speak for the occasional schoolgirl that follows me around starry-eyed, but I do my best.
Policing the world is a hell of a job, and I can see why you're neck-deep in doing it. Keep up the good work. If I could vote I'd say you're Gryffindor material through and through, but I'm not authorized quite yet. ^_^'
Well, I don't consider myself much of a hero. You'd have to look at Captain Carrot for that. But so far, the Gryffindor don't sound too bad. Not the most law-abiding by nature, but we can address that.
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But you've got a weird policy about the signing things -- what if someone slipped in a bit of paper asking you to sign away your soul?
((OMFG SO MUCH LOVE FOR DISCWORLD AND Sam Vimes in particular. ♥ *hearts; ♥
You just made my night, whoever you are.))
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And I can't think of anyone who would want my soul. Can't imagine what use they'd get out of it. If they tried to collect, now, that would be interesting. Something's tried to eat my soul before, after all. Didn't work.
((Hee! And thank you. A little bird prodded me to come here-ward. Saw there was no Vimes. Could not let such a travesty continue.))
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Well, there are types of magic where soul-sacrifices are useful, so I'd be worried about that. Why was it trying to eat your soul?
((And you are made of win for that. Seriously. *squeeing Vimes love*))
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And anyone who wants to take my soul will have to deal with me first. I guarantee they'll find someone easier. Apparently it thought I would make a good embodiment of violent justice and revenge. It apparently thought I had some weakness in this regard. Luckily, I've already had experience fighting off an individual who wants to burn the world clean of people who use their power to hurt and control. His name's Sam Vimes.
((I only hope I can do him justice. Mad, mad Vimes love. He -- and a certain Naval officer already being played on here -- are my WUN TWOO WUV. Except... there's two. Hm.))
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Your Gr Sir. It's a very pleasant surprise to see you here.
((Up to you if Vimes has any idea who Susan is. They've never met in canon, to the best of my knowledge.))
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Nice to see someone from home. You look... have we met? You don't look like anyone I've arrested, but I swear I've seen you or someone like you before.
((Well, with all the times he's seen Susan's granddad... I doubt he ever met her parents, though. He wasn't nobby enough before they died))
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There's quite a few of us from home, actually, although not as many as there used to be. The Patrician was actually here, although he seems to have gone missing -- and so has CMOT Dibbler, actually.
((...and I am now seriously considering de-popcorning Dibbler, if Vimes is here. Gah!))
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Can't say I'm not sorry to see Dibbler around. Or the gods-damned Patrician, for that matter... Are any of my men here? Anyone I know? No offense, ma'am; it's good to see someone who recognises me knows where I'm from, but I'm wondering just who else is around.
I heard something about a few people who wouldn't want their faces seen back home, if you take my meaning.
((Oh dear. Oh dear me.))
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I'm not sure I understand just what your position is, Sir, though it's clearly a distinguished one. I mean, obviously you're a high-ranking nobleman, yet you speak like a hard-working man - two things that seldom go together in my experience.
Should I call you Your Excellency or Commander, and what military are you a commander in, if I may ask?
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Call me Commander or Sir Samuel, if you want. I'm just a watchman. Commander of the watch, but still a watchman. Duke is just another word for the same thing, only with knobs on.
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( ... )
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You don't want to give me ideas. I'm inventive enough as it is.
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You remind me of someone I knew. Only without the deranged charm. Just the deranged.
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We're the biggest city on the Sto Plains. We're also the smelliest, grubbiest, and once the most corrupt city, too. I can't do much about the smelly and the grubby. The corruption, that my men and I have been able to do something about. Apparently we're also what they call a 'world power', which means we get to sling ourselves around as we like and shove our noses into everyone else's business while not actually getting into any scraps. Vetinari keeps things running to the point that if we called in all our debts, we'd bankrupt half the other countries in the world.
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Policing the world is a hell of a job, and I can see why you're neck-deep in doing it. Keep up the good work. If I could vote I'd say you're Gryffindor material through and through, but I'm not authorized quite yet. ^_^'
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