Muninn to Stephen, heavily warded

[nopower_overme]

Comments

*heavily warded reply, some time later, via house-elf*

[estebanmd]

Have you heard of popcorn?

-S.

*heavily warded reply, via same house-elf*

[nopower_overme]

Stephen,

Yes. Why, are you trying new sn... Wait, you mean the curse or whatever it is that people keep coming in and out of, right?

Is this a rhetorical question?

Sarah

*heavily warded reply, via same house-elf*

[estebanmd]

Yes.

And no.

-S.

Re: *heavily warded reply, via same house-elf*

[nopower_overme]

Then why are you asking me ab...

Oh God no.

Please let me be wrong, oh please.

[nopower_overme]

While she feared this had the possibility of being the biggest mistake she had ever made, Sarah had still asked the house elf to show her where Stephen's quarters were and she was now in front of the door, pacing restlessly. If she pressed him by being there, he would either cast her aside (and part of her wanted to know why, even now, she still had so little faith to believe he would) or it would turn out it had been the right thing to do, even if the way to that was filled with more worry. The staying away option was not an option for her, as she felt she had this once chance that she would not days from now. She knew he liked to keep everything to himself, but that did not always mean it was how things went with them. Her energy at the moment was focused on getting herself under control and having the strength to deal with whatever was on the other side of that door (and not think about this domain she was entering). While she could guess, she had to see what state he was really in and if there was anything she could or should be

[estebanmd]

The sound of cursing and then of several locks being undone; Stephen opened the door, pale, unshaven, wearing rumpled clothes he had clearly slept in at some point.

[nopower_overme]

Sarah took it all in, controlling herself from making a ridiculous move like hugging him tightly to her. She could not imagine physical affection would be something he wanted, not when he had just lost his wife. As much as it panicked here to the core to admit, it was like losing someone to a vegetative state - there were no guarantees the person could pull through, and if they did they were often irrevocably changed and there was little to no chance they would awake exactly the same. Only in this case, there was no 'end,' so should this now be treated like... she could not even bring herself to think it.

What a sick, awful thing this popcorn curse was.

"While I realize I've now seen you, may I still come in?" she asked quietly when she finally thought of something to say.

[estebanmd]

Stephen bit back the initial answer (if you must) and wordlessly stepped aside, allowing her passage. The interior was dim, cluttered yet without a sense of being lived-in, the rooms having stood vacant between River's move to the hospital wing and the news of her metamorphosis. He waited for Sarah to enter the room, then locked and warded the door behind her, out of habit.

[nopower_overme]

"It's fine, Stephen," Sarah said as she settled into the chair and looked about the room, her gaze falling on the bed and the state of it which, much like his clothing, did not really tell her more than he had been in it. She did understand - well, not understand in that sense, but could imagine in some way - why he would not be sleeping now most of all, but it made it no less of a concern for her.

"As long as parts of the room are getting used regularly," she continued as she looked up at him, the question she wanted to fuss about clear, even if unvoiced.

[estebanmd]

Stephen shrugged. "It is larger than the dormitory room, and more easily protected. It lacks in natural light, of course. I would not readily have asked you here." Nor did he mention the curious door that linked these quarters to the Ravenclaw dorm, enabling a knowledgeable person to bypass the dungeon corridors entirely. He sat in the chair opposite hers, waiting for the house-elf to bring back toast and tea. "And yet ... we were very happy here."

[nopower_overme]

Not the answer she had been looking for, Sarah was quiet for a moment, lost in thought. She had prepared herself for the formerly unmentioned quarters to be the ones he had shared with River - after all, the dormitory had felt too much 'him' to be otherwise - but it was still a very odd, very disconcerting sensation to be here now. The happy revelation did not affect her as much as one might have imagined, simply because she had imagined them as happy even though she had no person to identifiably place in the happy situation with him. All of this still did not answer her question, so perhaps it needed to be asked directly.

"Have... you been sleeping at all?" she asked, leaning forward in the chair as she waited for the answer.

[estebanmd]

"Yes," Stephen said. "I have been sleeping rather a lot." He did not say that it was laudanum that permitted him to do so. She knew enough of his habits to guess anyway.

[nopower_overme]

"No," Sarah agreed softly, hand reaching for a tea cup pausing and then falling back to her lap. Which had ruled out the 'future' scenario for her some time ago as far as she was concerned. She had not put much thought into magical means that might render her assumption invalid. "But you know that just as well as I do."

[estebanmd]

"So then where does she fit in all this? Did she never exist? I know she did, the proof is here" -- and he touched the scar again, went so far as to unbutton the collar of his shirt so that it was exposed. "And yet there is this, what we have or had, you and I, and we do not remember that scar being there, and you do not remember her at all." He wheeled about suddenly, eyes burning. "Bloody hell, Sarah, have we negated her?"

[nopower_overme]

Eyes went wide, but it was the only sign that Sarah's stomach had just dropped through the floor. She had always been told internalizing was bad and getting it out, no matter the fashion, was good so she intended to let him.

"Of course she existed, Stephen, you saw her, you knew her," she said softly, staring steadily at the mark. She was not about to deny its existence, it was by far the least she could do for the woman now... gone. "That's the reality, not what has happened to us. They aren't us, nothing fits. You and I both know it. Only some elaborate intrigue of age-and-body-altering, belief-changing and time-leaping could possibly make those people us." There was no way they were simply being given their own memories from the future

[estebanmd]

" 'They' are us." His jaw was set. "That is certain enough. The office is not too far from here if you need the proper ambience to be reminded how they are inextricable from us. Can you tell me you did not know me then, already? you did not know what it would be like?"

[nopower_overme]

Sarah tried not to react badly to the 'I'll not die' after he spoke, steadfastly refusing to actually let her mind run on those words. "I know," she said, grimacing against his neck at the coppery taste in her mouth. "But I want to be here with you no matter who I am to you, so I want to stay. But I'll go if you want me to go."

[estebanmd]

He caught the muttered qualifier. "You are my very own dear Sarah, is who you are," he said, gently, quite in the same tone he would have used with Brigid. "If you want to stay in a dusty old dungeon I'll not turn you out of it. Now do you want some more yoghurt, honey-lamb?"

[nopower_overme]

And at that, Sarah was lost once more, her mind already eager to say that earlier had been about his pain and her heart ready to believe it now that she was in his arms being called 'his Sarah.' God, it was not fair, he was so adorable even using ridiculous endearments she had never heard another person utter. Again, would never tell him she used the word adorable to describe him in her head.

"No, I'm not hungry," she said with a soft sigh and then turned her face closer to his neck. If only they could stay just like this.

[estebanmd]

"Should you want a potion, we are very near the office and storeroom," he suggested. "A Dreamless Sleep Potion, or a Calming Draught, or anything else you might like." For himself, he would rather stick with his accustomed drug, but it was not one he would have shared; he knew its addictive potential. "Or I could feed you spoonfuls of jam until you are quite overcome."