Comments | hogwarts_hocus: WART #74: The Gayest WART Ever! (That's what SHE said!)

office_michael in hogwarts_hocus

WART #74: The Gayest WART Ever! (That's what SHE said!)

Mar 07, 2007 17:55

"Goooooooooooooooooooooooood morning VietNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!" shrieked a man's voice throughout all the radio speakers positioned around Hogwarts. A long pause followed, as though the speaker were somehow waiting for a response from the listeners. The end of that pause was punctuated by a hissed sort of snickering, laughter lodged in the back of the ( Read more... )

benton fraser, jim halpert, sirius black, tinky winky, michael scott, radio

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themountie March 9 2007, 05:27:08 UTC

Fraser had heard the broadcast and, naturally, felt it was his duty to clear up some of Michael's more egregious... misconceptions. After all, the man clearly meant well, that much was obvious. He just seemed a little... misguided.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Scott!" he greeted the man jovially as he Flooed himself into the studio. "My name is Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP. I was just listening to your radio programme, and I wondered if you might not mind my, ah... my clearing up a few details for your listeners. Purely in the spirit of..." Gay pride? Right-thinking bent men everywhere? Getting basic facts right? "...proper dissemination of information," he settled.

office_michael March 9 2007, 06:09:28 UTC

Michael looked at Fraser, his eyes widening. "WWWWWWWOOOOWWWWWWWW!" Without warning, he rushed over and gave Fraser a gigantic hug, drooping onto him as though Fraser had just saved his life. When he pulled back, he clapped his hands and laughed joyously. "I NEVer thought one of the Village People would show up to my broadcast! It is a PLEAsure to meet you, sir! You are an inspiration to gays everywhere!"

themountie March 9 2007, 06:32:15 UTC

Fraser stiffened slightly as Michael hugged him, his eyes going rather wide. He didn't return the hug, although nor did he pull away -- he just kind of stood there, blinking at him in bewilderment. For half a moment, he wondered if he was secretly supposed to know this man, too.

"I... village people?" He removed his hat and squinted curiously at Michael, absently fingering the brim. Was that a Canadian slur he wasn't familiar with? "I'm not sure I follow, Mr. Scott -- do you mean Inuvik? Because, actually, the truth is, it's quite a large city. I don't think it can be considered a village at all. But, ah... I do thank you kindly for the compliment," he added, again slightly nonplussed. An inspiration? He didn't even realize anyone but Lily (and, obviously, Ray) knew about him.

office_michael March 9 2007, 08:16:56 UTC

Michael looked at Fraser with an expression of deep profundity - or what he thought was an expression of deep profundity, but really was a look of extreme goofiness and stupidity. "It does take a village to raise a gay man." A quick beat went by. "That's what she said."

themountie March 9 2007, 08:21:48 UTC

Fraser looked absolutely, utterly blank. Oh, dear. He'd thought Ray was difficult to understand, but he was a regular Miriam-Webster's compared to this man. He hesitated, deeply puzzled, then leaned in slightly, squinting. "Who?"

Maybe Michael was talking to a ghost -- perhaps that was the mystery 'she?' He peered around the studio, wondering if he might summon his father up to confirm or deny his guess.

office_michael March 10 2007, 05:22:20 UTC

Michael now looked equally puzzled. "Who what?"

themountie March 10 2007, 05:28:02 UTC

Fraser looked even more confused. "That's what who said?" And then, because the point seemed to need clarification: "Who was it who said 'it takes a village to raise a gay man?'" He pondered this. "Although, really, I'm not sure of the truth of that statement." He had been raised by his grandparents!

office_michael March 10 2007, 05:47:32 UTC

Michael frowned, and then he exhaled an exasperated sigh. "SHE! Just - some girl! AUUUUGGGGHHHHHH, you're ruining the joke! God!" He shook his head.

Luckily, he knew the answer to the second question. "Oprah. She's the one who said it takes a village to raise a gay man." And Oprah was always to be trusted!

themountie March 10 2007, 06:53:33 UTC

Fraser's eyes widened in wounded confusion as Michael erupted at him. "Oh, dear. I'm sorry," he replied earnestly. "I didn't know it was a joke." Apparently, it was a very important joke, to boot -- the man seemed awfully upset over it. Fraser hestitated, then leaned in with a bit of a wince. "Do you think... perhaps you wouldn't mind explaining the joke to me? I'm afraid I'm a little behind when it comes to this sort of thing, and I'm making an effort to... to catch up, so to speak."

The second answer was as much a surprise as the first. Oprah was a name he was familiar with, for a change, but why on earth the woman would say something like that he didn't know. "I see." He blinked, brow creasing. "Well, I suppose she was reflecting off of the African proverb 'it takes a village to raise a child,' and in that particular usage I suppose it's not an invalid point." He was going to puzzle over this, now. He frowned down at the floor, his fingers pulling at his collar before wandering up to rub at his earlobe. "I mean, even my own ( ... )

office_michael March 10 2007, 20:23:15 UTC

"BRRRRRRRRRRR!" Michael shouted in frustration, shaking out his hands. "Okay." He took a deep breath. It was just...the only people who didn't like "That's what SHE said" were losers from Corporate. Like Toby. And Toby wasn't here, and Michael didn't want to see a new Toby rise up and take his place. On top of that, he had absolutely no idea what Fraser was talking about with the whole village business.

But at least Fraser was trying. This made Michael feel a little bit calmer. "Okay," he repeated. "'That's what SHE said' is something you say when someone or you says something that would be kind of...you know...naughty if a girl said it." He paused. "Dammit, it's hard to explain, okay? Let's just try an example."

He cleared his throat. "Wow, that was reaaaaaaaaally HARD." He paused again. "And you say...." He motioned at Fraser.

themountie March 10 2007, 20:33:13 UTC

Fraser stared at him blankly. Normally, in that situation, he would say Do you need any help with that? but he was fairly sure that wasn't what Michael was looking for. He licked his lips uncertainly, opened his mouth to speak, closed it again. What was he supposed to say? This was almost as bad as Ray's lingo thing.

"I..." Suddenly, it clicked. Well, partly, anyway. "That's... what she said?" he offered slowly. He still didn't understand why it was funny, but it seemed to be what Michael wanted him to say...

office_michael March 11 2007, 00:40:04 UTC

"BA HA HAAAAAAA! That's what she said, YES!" Michael cracked up, clapping his hands together and looking at Fraser as though he had just cured cancer. "Good, good! You've got the right idea! Now you've got to give it some more oomph! Here, I'll show you. Do me now."

themountie March 11 2007, 01:17:16 UTC

Fraser looked about as lost as a small woodland creature in the middle of a city (which in some ways was a very apt simile). He looked at Michael, then glanced around the studio as if the walls themselves would help him solve this puzzle. Sadly, they did not. He winced and looked back to Michael, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. "Do you now?" he echoed uncertainly.

office_michael March 11 2007, 02:06:44 UTC

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" Michael yelled triumphantly and then laughed loudly several times.

themountie March 11 2007, 04:59:22 UTC

Fraser stared. And... stared. What was Michael laughing at? He hadn't even said anything yet! He had just been reaffirming-- or had he taken that as the joke? Confused, Fraser smiled, because that was what people did when they told jokes, and allegedly he had just told one.

"I'm still not entirely sure I understand, but thank you kindly for the lesson," he said diplomatically. "I, ah... perhaps I'll ask my partner to elucidate at a later time."

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