Jeez! (Open rp)

[josh_h_christ]

The Secrets Board had left Josh bewildered. The people of Hogwarts appeared to think that:
a. he looked like " one fugly mofo" as a child,
b. he was endlessly sobbing, by the sheer number of people writing "such and such makes baby Jesus cry", and, most disturbing of all,
c. he was some sort of sex object.

There was only one logical conclusion: the

Comments

[gets_inside_you]

Suzie raised an eyebrow at the banner, and then at the rather Jesus-looking guy under it. "I think you're gonna have a long list there. More complaints than questions. You ready to have a few long days and nights of people streaming in and out complaining about their lives and how they suck to you? I could never do therapy shit like that."

[josh_h_christ]

"It's what I've always done," Josh replied, grinning. "You get used to it. How do you do? I go by Josh, but I've got more names than is actually rational."

[gets_inside_you]

She pointed at the sign. "Like Jesus, I see. Did someone slip you a little retcon and tell you a nice pile of lies lately?" Yeah, she was amused at the thought, how could you tell through that smirk?

[josh_h_christ]

Josh glanced up to look at what she was pointing at and smiled ruefully. "Nope, no lies. I'm the Son of God." He held out a pierced hand. "Need to stick a finger through? It helps a lot of people. I can also do the whole turning water into wine thing if you'd like it."

[gets_inside_you]

Shaking her head, she made some vague motion to her neck. "I've had enough of holes through various parts of bodies, thanks."

Now, of course, when a person has holes in them and claims to be Jesus, someone like Suzie was either going to walk away, shaking her head and muttering about crazy people, or she would at least humour him and take a seat. She did the latter. "Okay, oh Son of God, riddle me this one--that whole death thing's not a very fun experience. What's the deal with there being nothing after it? Or is that just some sort of sick kind of purgatory?"

[josh_h_christ]

"Nothing after it?" Josh looked puzzzled. "Where would you get that idea? Heaven comes after it. When you die, you go to be with God. I mean, you may have to suffer a bit to get there, if you didn't suffer in life, but you do get there eventually."

[gets_inside_you]

She snorted. "Unless you call inky fucking blackness heaven, in which case, it's some scary shit. I mean...Christ--um, not...not you, I was just...you know, using it as an--you know. Anyway, I've done the whole death thing, and I tell you, there's nothing but...that thing in the dark." Coming after Jack, she'd deduced. Shuddering at the memory, she rubbed her arms and stared at the floor.

"You know, I used to buy all of this religious bullshit. I mean...I mean, I wasn't the most devoted person ever, but I had my beliefs. And not that white light, dead relatives to greet you thing--that's all kid's stuff. Used to talk about things like god and religion and the universe and what it was all for, with a few...friends." She shook her head and mumbled, "Don't know why I'm telling you all this..."

[josh_h_christ]

"No, that wasn't heaven. Heaven is being in the presence of God."
Josh looked at her sympathetically. "And yeah- being dead is some scary shit. I hated it when I had to go through it."

He rubbed absently on the scars on his forehead. "That was... well, look, people have to go through a lot before they can go to heaven. First off, you have to believe in me, so I can save you from the dark and all the other nasty stuff awaiting you. Then... well, we have to get rid of all your sins, everything that keeps you from perfection. Thus... humans have to go through a lot. I'm sorry. I took on everything of yours that I could. Once you believe in me, truly believe in me, you con't have to suffer any more, though."

[gets_inside_you]

She gave him a look much like he had sprouted two heads (not a very intense reaction, come to think of it). Then laughed a bit. "Yeah. I suspect it had something to do with that." Plenty of sins, she supposed, and plenty of...well, she believed, or had done, but perhaps not enough? Not like she said prayers everyday (not since she left home, anyway). It wasn't the answer she was hoping for, but she decided to let the whole thing drop lest she start a fight.

"Nevermind that, then. So. What's the occassion? For all of this question answering?"

[josh_h_christ]

"Er- call on my name and I'll be there to save you, next time it happens," Josh offered helpfully, seeing her look. "Um... sorry about that. But yeah. The Secrets Board convinced me that the people of this school need some serious help. Thought I should see what I could do for them."

[gets_inside_you]

"'It was not death, for I stood up, And all the dead lie down;' but that's just Dickinson talking." She shrugged and said no more on the topic.

"Only just now you're convinced of that? I've known that since...hm. I've known that since before coming here. That people are serious whackjobs in the head sometimes."

Oh, she was no exception. If only Jack knew--he probably did, but if so, they certainly didn't speak about it. Secrets board. Bah. At least she got it out one way or another.

"A lot of them are probably too nutty for anyone to handle anyway."

[josh_h_christ]

"Very true," he agreed wryly. "But I get the feeling that some people need to talk or else they'll haul off and bludgeon someone to death with an iPod."

[gets_inside_you]

"...Ooo, now there's an idea. Though I'm not sure how much damage an iPod would do." She smirked and shook her head. "I guess it just depends which kind. I think most would just haul off and drown in a bottle. Some people think I'm crazy, and that's just bloody irritating, because I disagree entirely. But, then, anyone would, if they were accused of needing some good psychiatric help."

[josh_h_christ]

"The iPod probably wouldn't do much damage, so it'd be... kind of a painful way to die." Josh considered this a moment. "Yeah, well, bottles can be a bit worse, I think. But people think you're crazy for not agreeing to go drown your sorrows in a bottle? Man, that's harsh."

[gets_inside_you]

"No, it's not...that's not why they think I'm crazy. I like a good shot of hypervodka as much as the next guy, but whatever. It's other reasons. There's just...time differences, I don't know how to explain it. I've got friends who are from my own future and apparently I've done some crazy shit. Or will do. Or..."

She furrowed her brow. Okay, this might just make her brain explode a little. "Nevermind. The universe is a complicated thing anyway. No sense trying to explain any of it."

[josh_h_christ]

"Oh, alright," Josh replied. "The universe is too big of a concept to fit inside a human mind, isn't it? Well, can I do anything else for you?"