Comments | hogwarts_hocus: Application for Dwight Schrute

schrute_dwight in hogwarts_hocus

Application for Dwight Schrute

Jan 14, 2007 19:25

(Dwight Schrute; The Office (US Version))
((Minor spoilers up through the first part of S3. Any links in the application or comments will be spoilerific as well. You have been warned.))

((Approved by Michael- and Jim-muns))A man strode into the Sorting Room, dressed in khakis and a green dress shirt, tie carefully straight, a look of extreme ( Read more... )

application, dwight schrute

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office_michael January 15 2007, 00:46:43 UTC

Having just seen Jim, Michael was not nearly as excited to see Dwight. Not that he would have been anyway, because it was Dwight. Although somewhere in the back of his mind, Michael was actually elated. But he would never EVER admit that to himself, let alone Dwight.

Walking briskly over to Dwight, he simply said in a slightly irritated voice, "Wellllllll, wellllllll, Dwight. Nice of you to join me here. Took you long enough. I had to run The Dundies without you! Wheeeeeeeere have you been?"

schrute_dwight January 15 2007, 02:18:20 UTC

There was no way to describe the relief and joy on Dwight's face. "Oh my God, Michael!" Rushing over, Dwight embraced his boss, leaning his head on Michael's shoulder. "I am so happy that you're here. We were worried. And I'm sorry I was negligent in my duties as Assistant Regional Manager." Dwight straightened up, the gleam of fervent devotion in his eyes. "I will never let you down again, Michael. Tell me what I can do."

His sooper sekrit mission was, for the moment, forgotten. His main job was to be there for Michael. And he couldn't be there for him while he was here for him. So, there he would be.

office_michael January 15 2007, 05:08:14 UTC

Delicately, Michael patted Dwight on the back a few times and then carefully tried to extricate himself from the embrace. Dwight could be so pathetic. Michael would never throw himself all over someone like that. It just made Michael think about how much Dwight still had to learn from him.

"Yeah, well, I've been waiting here for you guys for MONTHS. I even had to do The Dundies without you - ALL of you! And that - that SUCKED, Dwight. That SUCKED, because doing my Ping impersonation for just myself was NOT fun, especially without your sound effects on the keyboard." That was the closest Michael would get to admitting that he had wanted Dwight there, and in spite of this veiled admission, Michael still looked pretty annoyed.

But his expression softened slightly into something more benevolent - something deliberately benevolent, in fact - in light of Dwight's apologies and sworn allegiance. After all, a good manager makes his employees feel as though there is honor in groveling. Of course, everyone knows that groveling makes one look ( ... )

schrute_dwight January 15 2007, 06:42:34 UTC

Pulling out a pocket-sized notepad and a pen that had escaped Jim's treachery, Dwight began scribbling notes. "Right, sound effects, got it. I did not bring my keyboard, but I can send back for it. It wouldn't fit in my duffel bag and my instructions were specific that I was only allowed one checked bag. And we can re-do the Dundies with sound effects and people laughing at your Ping impression."

At Michael's mention of the demotion, though, Dwight's pen stilled for a second and he glanced up at Michael. "I think you mean Assistant Regional Manager, Michael. Or have you forgotten my promotion?"

That tone of voice he knew well and Dwight's expression got intense. "Tell me everything. You can trust me. Just tell me what you need me to do, Michael." He paused. "Question: Does this involve disposal of bodies? If so, how many and how deep in the ground do I need to go to avoid upheaval?"

office_michael January 15 2007, 07:34:07 UTC

"Yyyyyyyyessssssss! We will re-do The Dundies!" Michael had had some really great jokes prepared, and it was a complete shame no one but his own reflection had heard them during the earlier iteration. Also, the hilarity of "The Dundie Shop" (rapped to the "tune" of Fifty Cent's "Candy Shop") needed to be shared with the masses.

Hmmmm, maybe it was too mean to demote Dwight. He did have a good idea, after all.

...Nahhhhhh. Michael couldn't let the guy's head get bigger than it already was, after all - and he meant that both literally and figuratively.

"No, Dwight, I did not forget your promotion. HowEVer, thiiii~iiiiis is not our old branch. This is a new branch of Dunder-Mifflin, and everybody needs to start from scratch, which means that you are now Assistant to the Regional Manager. But...look, Dwight, it's just a title. I mean, okay, it also affects your pay, but - " he waved a hand dismissively and shook his head " - none of that matters. What matters is that I am COUNting on you, Dwight. Think you can handle it?" Make Dwight ( ... )

schrute_dwight January 16 2007, 01:07:47 UTC

"YES!" Dwight punched his fist in the air. "Dundies re-do, Dundies re-do, Dundies re-do," he chanted, a stupid grin on his face. Of course they'd do the Dundies over again. It was an American institution!

Giving Michael a serious nod, Dwight said, "You can count on me, Michael. Whatever you need, whatever I can do for you, I'll be the best Assistant Regional Manager I can be. Like the marines, only without a sword. But with...a spud gun."

This was a typical example of the brilliance of Michael Scott, Regional Manager. Before, there was no place to go but up. Or, if corporate has their way, downsized. But now... There's even more room to go up. Motivation. Excellent.

Expression serious, Dwight listened to Michael with a growing sense of horror. Gripping Michael's shoulders, Dwight nodded. "I will deflower you, Michael."

After all, it was the least he could do for his man crush fearless leader.

office_michael January 16 2007, 01:57:42 UTC

"Ugh, Dwight, NO!" Michael's face bore a look of absolute disgust. "That is - that's just...NO!" Dwight was the last person he'd want to deflower him. Well, maybe Kevin was the last person, but Dwight wasn't much ahead of him.

"NOT you. Where's Ryan?"

schrute_dwight January 17 2007, 04:27:09 UTC

Well, Michael obviously just thought that Dwight wasn't committed enough. Which he totally was. He'd kissed Oscar that one time, after Michael did. He was committed. Pulling Michael towards him, Dwight leaned in for a kiss.

It was all for the good of Dunder-Mifflin. And Michael Scott. And, possibly, America.

office_michael January 17 2007, 04:49:07 UTC

Okay, too close. What was Dwight doing? TOO CLOSE! And...

"GOD, Dwight, no! NO! What - what are you DOing! Just - NO!" A look of horror on his face, Michael flailed his hands out in front of him in a desperate attempt to push Dwight away. "Don't TOUCH me, Dwight! What - what was THAT?!"

schrute_dwight January 18 2007, 18:17:32 UTC

"Michael. MICHAEL." Dwight leaned back a bit to avoid the flailing hands. "Just hold still, Michael. It will all be over soon. Question: Do you have your own lubricant or should I purchase some? Oh, and question: I brought condoms. Just in case. Do you want ribbed or flavored?"

office_michael January 19 2007, 00:06:02 UTC

Absolutely not. Disgusting!

Again, if it were Ryan, Michael might have reconsidered, but Dwight was most definitely not Ryan, and therefore there was most definitely no way Michael was letting Dwight near him in that sort of capacity!

"I want none of the above, Dwight!" Michael said loudly in a very exasperated tone, his eyes wide and horrified even as he frowned at Dwight. "God, I can't believe you would even THINK of that. BLEEEEEECCCCCCHHHHHHH!" He opened his mouth and purposely gagged heavily. "And - I don't want to know about the condoms you brought with you. Just...just don't involve me in your non-existent sex life, okay, Dwight? Because that is guh-ROSS." Michael gagged again, this time with a finger pushed into his mouth for full effect.

Something Dwight said did resonate with Michael, however. After a pause, he added in a quieter, more serious voice, "Do they - is that what they do - the gays, I mean? Use lubricant? To...to soften the blow?"

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