WHat is Love, if Reincarnation and Destiny's avatars don't exist?
just finished watching a movie, that doesn't really help my state of mind at all... dealing with Re-incarnation and millennial relationships.
case in point, the "spirit" that brought the two together... we don't see or find out what happens to them at all. its ASSUMED they go off and find another matching mate, while their original continues on with the reincarnation. But there is no direct or implied data there.
and right now... well, it doesn't help me at all. Doesn't guide or direct me in any helpful manner. and I dare-sent inquire of someone because they'll either take it the wrong way, or be lead to the wrong conclusions as well.
Yet, with my luck,.. which hasn't been all that great, how is it to determine what is and isn't "meant to be" (and yes, there is a distinct difference in relationships that were 'meant to be' and those that work because both sides make it work.)
Lets run down the list of boyfriends shall we?
-Highschool crush which transfered into first year of Sandbox college.... died
-first internet relationship... failed due to 'moving to fast' and family not quiet ready to understand.
-second internet relationship... failed due to desires suddenly chaning and happening too quickly.
-third internet relationship... failed, almost killed me, left me emotionally devastated when it ended.
-fourth relationship ... 'youngster' of sufficient age difference as to make emotional connection on more then one level significantly difficult. pressumed ended, as have not heard a word from anyone but his mother since our last discourse.
-firth relationship... more a fuckbud friendship; while had the feeling of 'comfort/desire' hasn't really gone anywhere because of the other persons emotional agnst issues (hopefully they'll eventually grow to be a wonderful support in the community and a beautiful spouse to someone.)
-sixth relationship... deffinitly a fuck bud situation, bi-guy, only came around when he was drunk or stoned. made me melt with his touch, but also never knew him long enough to find his real name. don't know where he is now.
-seventh relationship... (consider multiple internet friendships for this one).. all located NOT WHERE I AM, making further developement difficult. relocation of myself not always concievable based on health, socialized healthcare and financial stability; also national boundries for many of them.
-eight and current potential... where to start...
this current potential, as i've discussed/mentioned elsewhere, so far to date, exhibits all but two physical traits/behaviours from my childhood "wish list"; previous track record with 'wishlist' items does not bode well for the success of this relationship, not the appreciation for it, but the longevity of it. It is to be hoped that at this age in my life, he is "the one" that has been promised, or at least a close second runner up to replace that which i screwed up on, or missed out on due to external circumstances.
So, ... if Destiny reunites two lost souls... who is the destiny in this potential relationship? If I am destiny, then who am i to reunite with the potential; and what happens to me? am I free to find anyone who randomly snags my attention? or am i destined to be alone because i wasn't meant for this world/this time? which if the latter, then why!? Don't even avatars deserve some grace and appreciation?? or are avatars just simply there to fulfill a duty/task and are then content to just simply "be" once that task is complete?
If your saying to yourself, whats all this got to do with anything i thought you were Mormons and don't mormons not believe in reincarnation and all that claptrap?
Yes, I am LDS by birth religion and primary base structure; but i have learned one thing from this recent bout of depression... there is or has to be some kind of intellect which at least "started" this engine of life.. weither they're an absentee monitor or an avid voyuer is not known; but there has to be some kind of intellect at the begining. The structures math, dictates that much.
So, if there is an outside begining intellect; can then there not be some kind of external source whereby at least a portion of souls become reincarnated over time? Certainly not all of them, at least if each body of life has a controlling intellect and is not exactly an NPC (non-player character as the video games call them), the numbers are or are concieveably simply staggering if each soul is a unique 'one off' experience here on this earth... it implies an armada of souls waiting ... just like the cattle lines at amusement park rides... but also like an amusement park ride, sometimes a person rides twice in a row, sometimes they rejoin at the end of the line and wait for another go around. So, if analogies of present life, can be used to illustrate both forward and backward extrapolations of the functions of the universe, then at least some souls HAVE To be reincarnated... For the rest of us saps however, what do we get out of it when we come for love... do we get an avatar? do we get a soul mate? do we simply ride this coaster till the end and move on to the next one?
Why am i burndened with these thoughts, and why do i not have love? love without 'strings'... love has consequences, that I understand... but its the 'strings' so many people seem to put on it that disturb me. Oh, fetish interests etc,... thats just icing on the cake... LOVE is the cake itself. Either its a great cake, super moist and perfectly cooked, or its rotten. over cooked, crumbly and dry. but its still Love. a String would be, say... a "i'll only love you, if you do this for me, or that for me, love no other, love nothing but me, etc..."... Icing is deffinitly things like "dress up time" BDSM etc... (though the bdsm thing can come scandlously close to becoming a string as well.)
So, why do i not have Love? Whats 'broken' with me that so seems to need to be fixed in order for me to be able to have 'love'?
case in point, the "spirit" that brought the two together... we don't see or find out what happens to them at all. its ASSUMED they go off and find another matching mate, while their original continues on with the reincarnation. But there is no direct or implied data there.
and right now... well, it doesn't help me at all. Doesn't guide or direct me in any helpful manner. and I dare-sent inquire of someone because they'll either take it the wrong way, or be lead to the wrong conclusions as well.
Yet, with my luck,.. which hasn't been all that great, how is it to determine what is and isn't "meant to be" (and yes, there is a distinct difference in relationships that were 'meant to be' and those that work because both sides make it work.)
Lets run down the list of boyfriends shall we?
-Highschool crush which transfered into first year of Sandbox college.... died
-first internet relationship... failed due to 'moving to fast' and family not quiet ready to understand.
-second internet relationship... failed due to desires suddenly chaning and happening too quickly.
-third internet relationship... failed, almost killed me, left me emotionally devastated when it ended.
-fourth relationship ... 'youngster' of sufficient age difference as to make emotional connection on more then one level significantly difficult. pressumed ended, as have not heard a word from anyone but his mother since our last discourse.
-firth relationship... more a fuckbud friendship; while had the feeling of 'comfort/desire' hasn't really gone anywhere because of the other persons emotional agnst issues (hopefully they'll eventually grow to be a wonderful support in the community and a beautiful spouse to someone.)
-sixth relationship... deffinitly a fuck bud situation, bi-guy, only came around when he was drunk or stoned. made me melt with his touch, but also never knew him long enough to find his real name. don't know where he is now.
-seventh relationship... (consider multiple internet friendships for this one).. all located NOT WHERE I AM, making further developement difficult. relocation of myself not always concievable based on health, socialized healthcare and financial stability; also national boundries for many of them.
-eight and current potential... where to start...
this current potential, as i've discussed/mentioned elsewhere, so far to date, exhibits all but two physical traits/behaviours from my childhood "wish list"; previous track record with 'wishlist' items does not bode well for the success of this relationship, not the appreciation for it, but the longevity of it. It is to be hoped that at this age in my life, he is "the one" that has been promised, or at least a close second runner up to replace that which i screwed up on, or missed out on due to external circumstances.
So, ... if Destiny reunites two lost souls... who is the destiny in this potential relationship? If I am destiny, then who am i to reunite with the potential; and what happens to me? am I free to find anyone who randomly snags my attention? or am i destined to be alone because i wasn't meant for this world/this time? which if the latter, then why!? Don't even avatars deserve some grace and appreciation?? or are avatars just simply there to fulfill a duty/task and are then content to just simply "be" once that task is complete?
If your saying to yourself, whats all this got to do with anything i thought you were Mormons and don't mormons not believe in reincarnation and all that claptrap?
Yes, I am LDS by birth religion and primary base structure; but i have learned one thing from this recent bout of depression... there is or has to be some kind of intellect which at least "started" this engine of life.. weither they're an absentee monitor or an avid voyuer is not known; but there has to be some kind of intellect at the begining. The structures math, dictates that much.
So, if there is an outside begining intellect; can then there not be some kind of external source whereby at least a portion of souls become reincarnated over time? Certainly not all of them, at least if each body of life has a controlling intellect and is not exactly an NPC (non-player character as the video games call them), the numbers are or are concieveably simply staggering if each soul is a unique 'one off' experience here on this earth... it implies an armada of souls waiting ... just like the cattle lines at amusement park rides... but also like an amusement park ride, sometimes a person rides twice in a row, sometimes they rejoin at the end of the line and wait for another go around. So, if analogies of present life, can be used to illustrate both forward and backward extrapolations of the functions of the universe, then at least some souls HAVE To be reincarnated... For the rest of us saps however, what do we get out of it when we come for love... do we get an avatar? do we get a soul mate? do we simply ride this coaster till the end and move on to the next one?
Why am i burndened with these thoughts, and why do i not have love? love without 'strings'... love has consequences, that I understand... but its the 'strings' so many people seem to put on it that disturb me. Oh, fetish interests etc,... thats just icing on the cake... LOVE is the cake itself. Either its a great cake, super moist and perfectly cooked, or its rotten. over cooked, crumbly and dry. but its still Love. a String would be, say... a "i'll only love you, if you do this for me, or that for me, love no other, love nothing but me, etc..."... Icing is deffinitly things like "dress up time" BDSM etc... (though the bdsm thing can come scandlously close to becoming a string as well.)
So, why do i not have Love? Whats 'broken' with me that so seems to need to be fixed in order for me to be able to have 'love'?