Sufficiently boring friends
I would like to point out that I could have just as easily labeled this sufficiently interesting friends but the point I want to make would be would be missed . I have been friends with these people for thirty years and hope to be for thirty years more. In addition I would point out that they are interesting enough to have sparked this little essay.
I am going through one of those times suffering from depression but not being depressed. I have no real interest in what is going to happen one week from today, one night from tonight or even one minute from now. I am getting through time ( can not really say life the way I am trying to live it ) by doing just enough not to deplete any lurking sleepiness as I prefer to sleep rather than mope. If I am too awake, I will attempt to sedate myself by endlessly playing Command & Conquer with a hacked game that I can get a perfect score in most of the time. If the game is good I will sleep.
When in this mood, I know that I need and appreciate when I receive a little bit of nudge from someone outside my ego or I will let myself get so wrapped up that I end up being depressed instead of just in a depression. If you do not understand, I can not explain it, but if you are reading this you probably understand. I get by with some help from my friends ( sorry John Lennon ). I don't have enough energy to do much about it, but then I dont have enough invested to want to do anything about it.
Last night I went over to Bill and Joan's for coffee and birthday cake. Bill was 70 last night and the number is sufficient to drag me out in spite of the fact that I wanted to stay home. Joan had called and tried to get me to come over for the dinner portion of the evening but I explained I did not want to see other people so she agreed to call when everyone had left. I also had a casserole in the oven, but I was honest and told her I did not want anyone around who might JUDGE me. Joany is a sometimes psychotic mostly depressed sufferer so she understood what I was talking about and agreed to call when all had left.
Bill and Joan are ham radio friends and when any of us is active in the hobby, the conversation will be interesting to us even if not to someone else. Technical conversations can be very interesting to technical people. Neither bill or I are very active in anything radio oriented lately so our conversations or more social in nature.
I am almost a generation younger than my two friends, but after thirty years of friendship I am knowledgable of most of the personal and familial aspects of their lives, and though it was from a distance Bill and Joan watched my children grow and my life journey is known to them. We can talk at length about these things and also of the trials and joys of being crazy. Bill is not crazy but he has lived and talked enough about it that he almost completely understands. Joany of course lives it. We have a lot in common even though there are many years between us.
I spend a lot of time with Bill and Joan, so the conversation last night was kind of predictable and not terribly exciting. We did not cover any thought provoking social problems, or discuss much politics. We spent a couple of hours talking about nothing and when I was tired I left.
The drive home while cool was not long enough to wake me so when I got home I went to bed and slept well. I woke up early with a sore back and no ambition to do anything but was sufficiently tired to soon go back to bed and spent most of it sleeping. I had asked them to have supper with me, as I had a hankering for Chicken and Dumplings and I do not know how to make that for one person. I told them to call first, but because of a problem with the phones, they showed up at 5 PM
I would have begged off had they called, my sore back was real enough and I had until the moment they showed up no inclination to cook. That changed as soon as they showed up though. I dont know why, but when I dont want to see anyone, certain people really are a JOY to see. I made the chicken and STARBUCKS. Joanie made the Dumplings and Apple Pie. The three of us made conversation. I read all of my poetry and prose from my black and blue periods, while supper was cooking. I imagine the reading was not a bit interesting but the emotions evoked were subject to conversation. Later we looked at a bunch of my photos from Hawaii and pictures of some of my ham radio stations through the years. They left at 11 and joany was visibly tired. Bill is not crazy so it does not matter what his sleepiness quotient was. I think I was sufficiently boring so Joany will sleep well. I know I will
There is a reason why I now though tired am sitting down and typing instead of sleeping. I need to know how many people out there have friendships that are that comfortable where a mundane evening of small talk or pictures and poetry are therapeutic. When a visit from or to friends makes a good night sleep possible doesn't that make boring an accolade rather than an insult.
I hope I was sufficiently boring
I am going through one of those times suffering from depression but not being depressed. I have no real interest in what is going to happen one week from today, one night from tonight or even one minute from now. I am getting through time ( can not really say life the way I am trying to live it ) by doing just enough not to deplete any lurking sleepiness as I prefer to sleep rather than mope. If I am too awake, I will attempt to sedate myself by endlessly playing Command & Conquer with a hacked game that I can get a perfect score in most of the time. If the game is good I will sleep.
When in this mood, I know that I need and appreciate when I receive a little bit of nudge from someone outside my ego or I will let myself get so wrapped up that I end up being depressed instead of just in a depression. If you do not understand, I can not explain it, but if you are reading this you probably understand. I get by with some help from my friends ( sorry John Lennon ). I don't have enough energy to do much about it, but then I dont have enough invested to want to do anything about it.
Last night I went over to Bill and Joan's for coffee and birthday cake. Bill was 70 last night and the number is sufficient to drag me out in spite of the fact that I wanted to stay home. Joan had called and tried to get me to come over for the dinner portion of the evening but I explained I did not want to see other people so she agreed to call when everyone had left. I also had a casserole in the oven, but I was honest and told her I did not want anyone around who might JUDGE me. Joany is a sometimes psychotic mostly depressed sufferer so she understood what I was talking about and agreed to call when all had left.
Bill and Joan are ham radio friends and when any of us is active in the hobby, the conversation will be interesting to us even if not to someone else. Technical conversations can be very interesting to technical people. Neither bill or I are very active in anything radio oriented lately so our conversations or more social in nature.
I am almost a generation younger than my two friends, but after thirty years of friendship I am knowledgable of most of the personal and familial aspects of their lives, and though it was from a distance Bill and Joan watched my children grow and my life journey is known to them. We can talk at length about these things and also of the trials and joys of being crazy. Bill is not crazy but he has lived and talked enough about it that he almost completely understands. Joany of course lives it. We have a lot in common even though there are many years between us.
I spend a lot of time with Bill and Joan, so the conversation last night was kind of predictable and not terribly exciting. We did not cover any thought provoking social problems, or discuss much politics. We spent a couple of hours talking about nothing and when I was tired I left.
The drive home while cool was not long enough to wake me so when I got home I went to bed and slept well. I woke up early with a sore back and no ambition to do anything but was sufficiently tired to soon go back to bed and spent most of it sleeping. I had asked them to have supper with me, as I had a hankering for Chicken and Dumplings and I do not know how to make that for one person. I told them to call first, but because of a problem with the phones, they showed up at 5 PM
I would have begged off had they called, my sore back was real enough and I had until the moment they showed up no inclination to cook. That changed as soon as they showed up though. I dont know why, but when I dont want to see anyone, certain people really are a JOY to see. I made the chicken and STARBUCKS. Joanie made the Dumplings and Apple Pie. The three of us made conversation. I read all of my poetry and prose from my black and blue periods, while supper was cooking. I imagine the reading was not a bit interesting but the emotions evoked were subject to conversation. Later we looked at a bunch of my photos from Hawaii and pictures of some of my ham radio stations through the years. They left at 11 and joany was visibly tired. Bill is not crazy so it does not matter what his sleepiness quotient was. I think I was sufficiently boring so Joany will sleep well. I know I will
There is a reason why I now though tired am sitting down and typing instead of sleeping. I need to know how many people out there have friendships that are that comfortable where a mundane evening of small talk or pictures and poetry are therapeutic. When a visit from or to friends makes a good night sleep possible doesn't that make boring an accolade rather than an insult.
I hope I was sufficiently boring