The Tolkien Confessional

[hiyacynth]

Tolkien Hell. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm quite sure it exists and that I'm headed there. How do I know this? Well I'll tell you...

A while back, toward the end of Long Dark before the TTT EE's release--I discovered the Tolkien-sinners' version of saying penance. It came out of one of my favorite time killers, which is to go out to

Comments

Forgive me, Professor, for I have sinned.

[baylorsr]

* I think that Faramir coated in oil and about to be set on fire by his demented father is dead sexy.

* I said that when Aragorn he sees that the beacons of Gondor have been lit, he runs like Phoebe from Friends.

* Whenever the Dead King comes on screen, I lean over to my companion (usually the long-suffering sister) and whisper, "I am not inclined to acquiese to your request."

* I think that blond elf behind Elrond at the end is Glorindel, and I don't think it's coincidental that he's so happy on the day Arwen finally moves out of her father's house. Thus leaving him alone with Elrond. And allowing him to get his horse back

Thank god it's not just me!

[hiyacynth]

I searched the Internet for pictures of Frodo in Cirith Ungol to confirm that I had, indeed, spotted a bowstring on his underdrawers.

* I tried to get my mother, the former professional theatre costumer, to describe what an 18th century English country gentleman's drawers would look like so I could imagine the rest of the picture. She refused, and then gave me a really, really worried look at that scene when we saw ROTK together.

I wrote a naughty!Merry story entitled, "Did I say bosom?" thus mingling hobbits, actors and my private fantasies in a most nappropriate manner.

I don't know if this is your sin or mine, but your "Did I say bosom" story is what made me offically cross over from simple actor lust and embrace my hobbit lust.

Re: Thank god it's not just me!

[baylorsr]

It's what mingled all the lusts together into one big lust for me.

And it's most certainly both our sins. But, hey, we'll be with all our friends in Middle-earth Hell someday.

[bunnysquee]

*holding stomach in pain laughing*

i lurked over here on baylorsr's recommendation and am going to rec your confessional in my lj - i hope you don't mind.

The more the merrier

[hiyacynth]

Oohh! Your icon! Glad you got a laugh out of it. Also glad that it appears I will not be alone as I toast slowly for all eternity. Thanks!

[bunnysquee]

*squishy hugs* you're not alone ...

[ohiaminagony]

I am pimping this on my LJ. Totally enjoyed reading this confession. *ggg*

[hiyacynth]

Thanks for the pimping! The more we share our sins, the less time we burn? Or, hmm... I wonder if getting them out in the open like this actually makes us more doomed?

[mysse]

It came out of one of my favorite time killers, which is to go out to LordoftheRings.net and hit "refresh" so that I hear the various sexy men greeting me until I hit the one I want--usually Billy.

I am sooooo glad I'm not the only one who does this. Do you know how many times you have to go through that before you get to Orlando?!?

[hiyacynth]

I think there's some secret ESP-code on that site that makes the person you're hoping to hear cycle through with less frequency. It's very advanced, but those WETA Digital folks are clever.

[bunnysquee]

i know a secret.

[hiyacynth]

You are my heroine! Wait. Heroin? No. You are my heroine. These little beauties are my heroin. Thanks!

[anonymous]

In Tolkien hell, do we have punishments befitting our sins? Are we forced to stand on the harbour wall at the Grey Havens and, like Sam, are un-able to declare our love for Mr. Frodo no matter how hard we try, until his ship is a blot on the horizon, and there's no way he could hear? Or even worse, do we have to stay behind as *all* the hobbits leave for the Undying Lands?.....noooooooooo *sob* Maybe they strap us to a chair and sello-tape our eyes open as they cut off all of Legolas' hair....no, actually that would be quite sexy.

But this is ingenious, and terribly funny, if not for the sad sad fact that I can agree with a *lot* of those points.

Ooh here's one, though it's mighty obvious, from the book, Sam's line ' His love for Frodo rose above all other thoughts, and forgetting his peril he cried aloud "I'm coming Mr.Frodo!" - I need say no more. And that noise you can hear is the sound someone makes when they spin in their grave.

Cunien.x

[hiyacynth]

Oh dear, oh dear. I hadn't even really begun contemplating what the punishments might be! My head is swimming.

One might be forced to listen to StatesTheObvious!Legolas comment on the surroundings forever.... "It is warm here: hellishly warm."

And I'm so with you about your book moment. See above, re: Tom Bombadil advising the creeped-out hobbits to run naked on the grass.

Oh dear, oh dear.

[cunien]

Wahey I'm a member. I think. I'm not good at this 'computer' newfangled technology.

Yes, book moments are good. But I feel double the guilt, because it really is Tolkien's word that I'm perverting in my sordid little mind. Well, he really shouldn't have made them so loveable. I mean, stick a few warts on Pippin's nose,and the situation wouldn't be nearly so dire. I say that, but such is his appeal that it probably wouldn't make a difference.

Naked hobbits.4 of them. Running. Oh my.

[hiyacynth]

Congratulations on achieving membership! I'm brand new here myself, though I've been lurking for a few months.

I'm with you. Sins against movie Tolkien are decidedly less mortal than sins against book Tolkien. Because it's so obvious (to me, at least) that all involved had moments of sin themselves. But hey, I'm not the one who invented the swinging bachelor pad with three bathtubs!

Though, wait, if he really meant it to be smutty, he would have put in a hot tub. Hmmm. Yeah. Hellbound is me.