The Tolkien Confessional

[hiyacynth]

Tolkien Hell. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm quite sure it exists and that I'm headed there. How do I know this? Well I'll tell you...

A while back, toward the end of Long Dark before the TTT EE's release--I discovered the Tolkien-sinners' version of saying penance. It came out of one of my favorite time killers, which is to go out to

Comments

[anonymous]

In Tolkien hell, do we have punishments befitting our sins? Are we forced to stand on the harbour wall at the Grey Havens and, like Sam, are un-able to declare our love for Mr. Frodo no matter how hard we try, until his ship is a blot on the horizon, and there's no way he could hear? Or even worse, do we have to stay behind as *all* the hobbits leave for the Undying Lands?.....noooooooooo *sob* Maybe they strap us to a chair and sello-tape our eyes open as they cut off all of Legolas' hair....no, actually that would be quite sexy.

But this is ingenious, and terribly funny, if not for the sad sad fact that I can agree with a *lot* of those points.

Ooh here's one, though it's mighty obvious, from the book, Sam's line ' His love for Frodo rose above all other thoughts, and forgetting his peril he cried aloud "I'm coming Mr.Frodo!" - I need say no more. And that noise you can hear is the sound someone makes when they spin in their grave.

Cunien.x

[hiyacynth]

Oh dear, oh dear. I hadn't even really begun contemplating what the punishments might be! My head is swimming.

One might be forced to listen to StatesTheObvious!Legolas comment on the surroundings forever.... "It is warm here: hellishly warm."

And I'm so with you about your book moment. See above, re: Tom Bombadil advising the creeped-out hobbits to run naked on the grass.

Oh dear, oh dear.

[cunien]

Wahey I'm a member. I think. I'm not good at this 'computer' newfangled technology.

Yes, book moments are good. But I feel double the guilt, because it really is Tolkien's word that I'm perverting in my sordid little mind. Well, he really shouldn't have made them so loveable. I mean, stick a few warts on Pippin's nose,and the situation wouldn't be nearly so dire. I say that, but such is his appeal that it probably wouldn't make a difference.

Naked hobbits.4 of them. Running. Oh my.

[hiyacynth]

Congratulations on achieving membership! I'm brand new here myself, though I've been lurking for a few months.

I'm with you. Sins against movie Tolkien are decidedly less mortal than sins against book Tolkien. Because it's so obvious (to me, at least) that all involved had moments of sin themselves. But hey, I'm not the one who invented the swinging bachelor pad with three bathtubs!

Though, wait, if he really meant it to be smutty, he would have put in a hot tub. Hmmm. Yeah. Hellbound is me.

[cunien]

Exactly! And it's hardly our fault that there are four young, red blooded hobbits, (who I imagined to be gorgeous even before I beheld the visions of loveliness cast in the films) all alone out there, with only each other, and with the hand holding and nakedness. What are we meant to do? We're defenseless!

[beckyo]

oh dear GOD!!!!

I am laughing aloud, hysterically with tears streaming. I'm so glad my children are out of the house.

[hiyacynth]

Me, too. Clearly not a discussion for children!