..smiles;trials;walking along..

Sep 23, 2005 03:00

~so yeah, i've done a lot of nothing lately.. my entertainment is limited.. i can't really go anywhere without money.. haha so i'm here.. it hasn't been too bad i guess.. i meah, it's boring, but i've been so tired and stuff, that it's ok.. i miss jeff though and that drives me nuts.. sincerely..

~i talked to him tonight for awhile.. and the other night too.. we touched on cali.. i asked him if he was going to break up with me and run off with a lil blond beach babe.. he kind of laughed and responded with a very strong no.. he said he plans to actually keep to himself.. school and work.. he'll have jonathan and that's about all he needs he said.. he's serious about this, and he wants to do it and do it right..

~he did comment though that his biggest fear, though he's not actually started thinking about it in depth, is that he'll do his externship and get a job offer or he'll just get some really good oppurtunities out there and want to stay.. he loves cali as it is, his sister lives just outside of san francisco.. he had told me before that he'd live there if it wasn't so expensive.. he mentioned that again.. he said he would love to live there, but it's just so crazy and it's so expensive.. he also wants to live in the country wherever he goes too, so he wouldn't want to stay in the cities of cali..

~he said that he doesn't think michigan can offer the kind of oppurtunities he wants or needs to really make his career and make the money he can make.. so he said if he doesn't want to stay in cali, it'll prolly be some other state.. he sounded quiet and careful when saying this.. i think he's worried about us a bit.. he didn't say anything to insinuate us breaking up, but after only 4 months it'd be odd for him to say "so when this is over i'll prolly live somewhere other than michigan, are you gonna come with me?" he doesn't know yet tho..

~i asked about visiting.. he said maybe and he hopes so.. but he has to figure it all out first.. he's living in student housing.. it's an apartment house but he'll have to share it with 3 other people.. jonathan will be one.. and he wants to know his schedule before he starts talking of visits.. i think there's one other big thing he's worried about.. me coming out there for some odd amount of time and him not really being able to DO anything with me.. he'll have school 5 days a week.. work at night and on weekends.. he'll be busy as hell.. and i think he's worried about me spending all kinds of money to be out there to see him and him just being "too busy".. but he agreed that 15 months is too long to not see each other.. so we'll figure something out..

~this is going to be hard.. i miss him NOW and he's still in this state.. i want so desperately to see him.. i want to hold him and touch him.. i want to kiss him and lay next to him.. i don't have much time left to do these things before i don't get to for a long time.. he said he'll prolly be gone by halloween, since him and jonathan are driving out, it'll take a few more days.. but he says he shouldn't be leaving before i get back from tulsa.. i told him i'd be totally bummed if he left while i was gone.. he said he wouldn't.. this is scary.. i think, it's not totally sunk in, ya know? i do not want to lose him.. this is the boy i truly believe i could, and want to, spend the rest of my life with.. we could wonderful things together.. ::SIGH:: i pray he wants to work for this as much as i do.. the thing though, i bet he's most worried about making me work and me having to be alone, cause jeff is a VERY unselfish person and he cares more about the people he cares about more than himself..

~he may be coming up here to put insulation in the cottage for the winter.. he's got to talk to his dad.. he doesn't know yet.. he's going to try but he has no money and with a lil over a month before he leaves, there's not a lot of point in getting a job.. he said he hasn't really left his room much cause he has no money.. so blech.. i want to see him.. i NEED to see him.. i've got to brainstorm..

~alright, well enough of all that rant.. that's just some stuff i needed to get out.. take care all of you.. and i'll see you the next time around..

.muchlove.
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