..memories and moments;;recollection brings love..
~i just had to best 4 hour long conversation i have had in i don't even know how long on a computer..
~i went to ami's last night.. got there close to 9 and hung out till about 2.. when i got home i got online and decided to open yahoo messenger, which i downloaded simply to talk to ex but we're never on at the same time, to leave him a message about jeff coming to cali.. since ex is in cali now, i thought he'd like to know so maybe they can spend some much needed time together.. i was all geared up to leave him a message when lo and behold he was actually online.. we got talking and it just went on for hours..
~we talked about jeff coming to cali.. about jeff and i and our relationship.. he asked if i was coming with him.. we talked about old times.. new times.. and times yet to come.. he gave me some advice and said that he believes if jeff and i have faith it'll all work out like it should and it'll all be great..
~we joked.. shared some pics and just had a wonderful time.. i really had forgotten how wonderful he can be to talk too.. and how much i missed it.. and him.. he's really an amazing friend.. and he loves jeff so much.. he said he'll be glad to see him and that he'll only be about 50 miles away.. he said he'd take care of him and protect him a bit.. help keep him sane while he's out there..
~we seriously talked about everything majorly important to us right now.. and talking about the old days with him was awesome.. he said he misses it and remembers it all well.. i said it was the same for me.. we were all a great group back then.. i do miss them.. ex says i shouldn't be sad about the good times.. but nostalgia has a way of taking over.. ;) he agreed to this as well.. he says he believes things will turn out wonderful for jeff and i and that we'll make it through this time apart thing and it will all be as it should.. he said he has faith and that really means a lot to me..
~ex did a lot for changing me.. he brought out things in me i never knew existed.. he taught me how to be accepting and how to see things clearly for what they are.. he showed me there are people left in the world that simply love to love and not for a benefit for themselves or way to look good to the world.. i was a part of a group of people that could have seriously been considered "societies trash".. but they were and are some of the best people to ever grace this planet.. they know how life can be, in all it's good and all it's terrible.. but they're real.. they are true to themselves, to their hearts and they love their friends in the most real, comfortable way i know.. i was gone for over 3 years.. more really.. since i didn't see them much in 2001.. 4 years say.. and now, look, they look at me as though i was never gone.. they still care about me and think highly of me.. they even tell me they missed me..
~ex was always the core of them.. he was the center, the stronghold.. everyone went to him and needed him.. he became something like that to me as well.. he had all this intelligence inside of him.. and all this love.. if anyone hurt the people he cared for, he made them sorry.. he protected, guided, advised and taught without even really trying.. we all looked up to him in some way or another.. i think, him leaving, is one of the reasons a lot of these people have fallen apart.. without ex i think it's hard for them to believe as much.. so they just live and they love the only way they know how..
~i don't think you can ever really realize how important someone is or how much you need them until they aren't near or even there at all anymore.. it's so true how you can take someone for granted when they are there all the time, and believe they just always will be.. some people in this world dedicate their hearts to making others lives brighter.. that was how ex was.. still is a bit.. until he realized he could not continue on where he was and make anything for himself.. so he left.. and now, they find an empty space next to them everyday.. just talking to him like i did today made me realize how much he's impacted me and made me see how much i wish i could just get up and go see him..
~i know tons of people who know someone, or someones, that they just see as part of the everyday life.. someone who you think is going to always pick up the phone to you.. someone who is always gonna answer the door when you have a moment to stop over.. someone who will always lend an ear and kind word when you hurt and need advice.. but then i know that sometimes, those people don't do the same for that someone.. and the pain that can cause a person, is intense and unfair..
~think about this, ALL OF YOU: think of someone who has always been there always loved you always helped and given to you and has just been such an influence, whether or not they worked at it, or it is just how they are.. now think of this.. what would happen if next time, they didn't pick up their phone? or they weren't there to answer their door? or the next time you hurt or need advice, they are just "too busy" to help you? what would you do? what if you found out someone you very deeply cared about up and moved away.. or they found something else in life.. or they just grew up and moved on.. would you honestly want that to be the end? would you want only to have memories to look back on and then regrets to sift through?
~i've done my share of drifting.. sometimes the gap has been mended, others i have lost and are only memories and faces in pictures.. both make me sad.. thinking of the past with ex and our old friends makes me a bit sad although i do still have most of them in my life some way or another.. i realized ex and i had been very close to not even speaking.. and then this conversation made me see that there's a wonderful friendship between the 2 of us and it is something that needs to be maintained becuase he is good for me..
~don't let them down.. no matter what, don't get "too busy", don't just grow up and forget about them.. don't lose yourself in a romantic relationship, leaving them behind and alone.. don't make plans and forget.. dont say you'll call and then just not.. don't think they will just always be there.. someday, they may not be.. just think.. you could be hurting someone RIGHT now, someone who loves you and needs you and thought you loved and needed them just as much.. and maybe you'll continue to hurt them and they'll just break inside and leave and you'll be left without something amazing..
~i know this is really "after school special" right now.. but i can't help it.. i'm tired and i'm a bit emotional.. all i want to say is this..
~PLEASE know who you're friends are.. KNOW who loves you.. remember who's always been there and who's bent over backwards once or even millions of times for you.. tell them you love them.. call them as often as you can.. SPEND TIME WITH THEM.. cause you really never know when it won't be so easy just to "stop by" or "spend a night" or "see a movie"..
don't be stupid
I LOVE YOU
always
~i went to ami's last night.. got there close to 9 and hung out till about 2.. when i got home i got online and decided to open yahoo messenger, which i downloaded simply to talk to ex but we're never on at the same time, to leave him a message about jeff coming to cali.. since ex is in cali now, i thought he'd like to know so maybe they can spend some much needed time together.. i was all geared up to leave him a message when lo and behold he was actually online.. we got talking and it just went on for hours..
~we talked about jeff coming to cali.. about jeff and i and our relationship.. he asked if i was coming with him.. we talked about old times.. new times.. and times yet to come.. he gave me some advice and said that he believes if jeff and i have faith it'll all work out like it should and it'll all be great..
~we joked.. shared some pics and just had a wonderful time.. i really had forgotten how wonderful he can be to talk too.. and how much i missed it.. and him.. he's really an amazing friend.. and he loves jeff so much.. he said he'll be glad to see him and that he'll only be about 50 miles away.. he said he'd take care of him and protect him a bit.. help keep him sane while he's out there..
~we seriously talked about everything majorly important to us right now.. and talking about the old days with him was awesome.. he said he misses it and remembers it all well.. i said it was the same for me.. we were all a great group back then.. i do miss them.. ex says i shouldn't be sad about the good times.. but nostalgia has a way of taking over.. ;) he agreed to this as well.. he says he believes things will turn out wonderful for jeff and i and that we'll make it through this time apart thing and it will all be as it should.. he said he has faith and that really means a lot to me..
~ex did a lot for changing me.. he brought out things in me i never knew existed.. he taught me how to be accepting and how to see things clearly for what they are.. he showed me there are people left in the world that simply love to love and not for a benefit for themselves or way to look good to the world.. i was a part of a group of people that could have seriously been considered "societies trash".. but they were and are some of the best people to ever grace this planet.. they know how life can be, in all it's good and all it's terrible.. but they're real.. they are true to themselves, to their hearts and they love their friends in the most real, comfortable way i know.. i was gone for over 3 years.. more really.. since i didn't see them much in 2001.. 4 years say.. and now, look, they look at me as though i was never gone.. they still care about me and think highly of me.. they even tell me they missed me..
~ex was always the core of them.. he was the center, the stronghold.. everyone went to him and needed him.. he became something like that to me as well.. he had all this intelligence inside of him.. and all this love.. if anyone hurt the people he cared for, he made them sorry.. he protected, guided, advised and taught without even really trying.. we all looked up to him in some way or another.. i think, him leaving, is one of the reasons a lot of these people have fallen apart.. without ex i think it's hard for them to believe as much.. so they just live and they love the only way they know how..
~i don't think you can ever really realize how important someone is or how much you need them until they aren't near or even there at all anymore.. it's so true how you can take someone for granted when they are there all the time, and believe they just always will be.. some people in this world dedicate their hearts to making others lives brighter.. that was how ex was.. still is a bit.. until he realized he could not continue on where he was and make anything for himself.. so he left.. and now, they find an empty space next to them everyday.. just talking to him like i did today made me realize how much he's impacted me and made me see how much i wish i could just get up and go see him..
~i know tons of people who know someone, or someones, that they just see as part of the everyday life.. someone who you think is going to always pick up the phone to you.. someone who is always gonna answer the door when you have a moment to stop over.. someone who will always lend an ear and kind word when you hurt and need advice.. but then i know that sometimes, those people don't do the same for that someone.. and the pain that can cause a person, is intense and unfair..
~think about this, ALL OF YOU: think of someone who has always been there always loved you always helped and given to you and has just been such an influence, whether or not they worked at it, or it is just how they are.. now think of this.. what would happen if next time, they didn't pick up their phone? or they weren't there to answer their door? or the next time you hurt or need advice, they are just "too busy" to help you? what would you do? what if you found out someone you very deeply cared about up and moved away.. or they found something else in life.. or they just grew up and moved on.. would you honestly want that to be the end? would you want only to have memories to look back on and then regrets to sift through?
~i've done my share of drifting.. sometimes the gap has been mended, others i have lost and are only memories and faces in pictures.. both make me sad.. thinking of the past with ex and our old friends makes me a bit sad although i do still have most of them in my life some way or another.. i realized ex and i had been very close to not even speaking.. and then this conversation made me see that there's a wonderful friendship between the 2 of us and it is something that needs to be maintained becuase he is good for me..
~don't let them down.. no matter what, don't get "too busy", don't just grow up and forget about them.. don't lose yourself in a romantic relationship, leaving them behind and alone.. don't make plans and forget.. dont say you'll call and then just not.. don't think they will just always be there.. someday, they may not be.. just think.. you could be hurting someone RIGHT now, someone who loves you and needs you and thought you loved and needed them just as much.. and maybe you'll continue to hurt them and they'll just break inside and leave and you'll be left without something amazing..
~i know this is really "after school special" right now.. but i can't help it.. i'm tired and i'm a bit emotional.. all i want to say is this..
~PLEASE know who you're friends are.. KNOW who loves you.. remember who's always been there and who's bent over backwards once or even millions of times for you.. tell them you love them.. call them as often as you can.. SPEND TIME WITH THEM.. cause you really never know when it won't be so easy just to "stop by" or "spend a night" or "see a movie"..
don't be stupid
I LOVE YOU
always