I've often felt like a gun was one of the messiest ways to end my life, and While it's been available. I have to tell you. It seems the easiest when it comes to assured Suicide ( Read more... )

The worst i've hurt myself till today was stabbing my arm with a knife.

But this is worse. My anxiety, and gorging over the past two months caught up with me. I'm not built to take a beating internaly, but nobody understands that any more than they understand i'm not the product of my associations in the past. My ex's and my work.

This is where if ( Read more... )

I can't believe that the most positive thing i've thought about is moving on, and looking into traveling again. voiding my relationship, and Kate's gma went over it with me that some couples can't stand to be next to one another, but being together is all they want. its a strange concept, but a 93 year old with a great brain still balencing a ( Read more... )

My history repeats ( Read more... )

If I can't have a chance in hell of succeeding. I'd rather be trapped back in kansas. It's not as bad as it seems. I do at least feel like I can punch a wall or blow up without getting arrested. here I feel it's a requirement to take my anti-anxiety meds. I'm running low on them ( Read more... )

i don't have a goal. and despite what others want me to do. i'm not able to align myself to seeking transittion. it's over ( Read more... )

Thinking about my failures

I wonder if those i've met been friends with could have changed me or empowered me to weather my lifes storms and not just be the equivelant to a coffee stain on a cafes' counter top.

A librarian who thinks card cataloges are for collecting, and an artist who never paints. I find myself wondering if this is all my life or ( Read more... )

However much i try to change it i cant get anything better than this uselessness . I deal with it everytime i wake up. Having begged my body to just not work anymore. I dislike the willy nilly statement of being just like my father. He never said he wanted to die. He had fights, yes, but never tried to kill himself. I've noticed my bofy just cant ( Read more... )

Everyone asking what are you thankful for? My answer is Not a thing!

Cause nirvanna should have followed through with her death promise. Only one person would be any different!

Its not even a certain difference.
I wish i wasnt breathing. I feel torchered. Every day sounds give me false hope of things happening around me. Breaking down at work while ( Read more... )

I've long been in this unable to stand on my own. I've often felt if i could break my legs . I'd be feeling more my ability. I wish i couldnt persue my hormones it seems just as bad as not being on them at all. Disconnecting from a rotten bunch of lost indecisive people who discourage my inspired life chances. Breaking my legs would at least leave ( Read more... )