(154: we take the tourist route the nights are light until midnight)
So for these past weeks I've been sitting at this table with what little personal time I have for myself and doing things I don't like doing. It is the middle of week five and I can't feel more out of place and stranded with little purpose and direction in this place where purpose and direction are the only motivation. I just get by each day wondering how much longer it is till the end. And I really do wonder. Every day I tread on uncertainty and yet I have to go through the motions like clockwork, not knowing if I'm supposed to reach the end or stop short.
This is what this place is doing to me. Every day I am dying a little more. But every day I keep telling myself, I cannot succumb. I am not just a piece of mechanism in this big machine. I am more. I am me. I have to be me.
My main motivation now is socnite because of the hope it represents. And I hope, if you're reading this, that you already know it's you. With you I am myself again, and these past few weeks you've been one of the few who has kept me sane.