Welcome to the incredibly bad vampire fic I talked about a while ago. It is so awful, you'll have to cleanse yourself with hydrogen peroxide and wash your eyes out with acid. Yeah, it's just that bad.
Title:
Forbidden Flame Child A.K.A., The Worst Story With Vampires Ever Told
Culprit Author's Name:
soft whispers in the wind Rating:
Full Name: Ryu
Species: Some sort of forbidden demon, I couldn't read past chapter 1.
Hair Color: Don't know
Eye Color: Don't know or care
Markings: A chip in the back of her neck...WTF?
Possessions: The heritage of millions of vampires. *headdesk*
Origin: Probably from the bad vampire writers and movies out there.
Connections to Canon: The Tantei must find someone named 'Ryu' (in which they get into a giant argument over if it's a guy or girl) and stumble across a group of vampires who don't even sound right.
Special Abilities: Can drug and canon-rape our boys so bad, that vampires can't even talk right.
Pros: I don't even want to find any. No paragraphs of doom but still.
Cons: This would've gotten a lower rating if it weren't for the vampires. One, vampires don't sound everything with a 'v.' That's Hollywood. Two, vampires in most Asian mythology are called 'hopping corpses,' giving a different image in my head than the ones described here. Also, the age is incredibly screwed up on Hiei (he's older than 16, have you seen anything?) and it's just plain stupid. The whole 'another Forbidden Child' line is old and this is a giant snorefest. There are ANs in some places that wouldn't be needed if she used any description at all. It's mostly dialogue as well so there's only a snippet of it since it's so long.
Sample:
They were now in a very dark forest. And you could hardly see a thing. Wow. That would mean it was 'dark.' Oh wait, you said that.
“Hiei use your Jagan eye to track him.” Who said that? *shifty eyes*
A laugh erupted from behind them; a figure was leaning up against a tree bursting with laughter. That was just stupid. We get it, she's laughing.
“Who ever told you it was a girl,” That's a freakin' question the figure spoke; it was a girl, definitely not the guy. What the hell is up with semicolons?
“Who are you and what do you want,” Where are the question marks? Kurama asked stepping forward cautiously approaching the mystery woman. Oh, now you forget punctuation
“A friend, who wants to help.” Do you honestly think we'll believe that?
With that they turned around and motioned for them to follow. ...what? Yusuke just shrugged and started following the strange, but short young woman. *headdesk* She led them to a large town that they at once recognized as the ice maiden town. You know, this would be so much more believable if the Koorime Village wasn't FLOATING IN MIDAIR! Hiei put up his hood immediately Why? He didn't care before. and women were hushing young curious girls into the huts as to them not being aloud to see men. ...I'm confuzzled. The girl led them to a hut and walked in. There were three women in there, two of the rushed out hissing and screeching. But the last one stayed. The first sentence was enough. We understood one stayed, it didn't have to be mentioned.
“Vat do vu vant,” *headdeskpalmfaceheaddesk* the young girl I thought she was a woman? hissed out, she seemed to be part ice maiden part vampire. Unfortunately, all sober vampires were gone so they got stuck with teh Barney Gumble of the group.
“They seek information on Ryu.”
“Vaaaaa, I vot I vold vu not vo say hiz nam.” Bad vampire speech. It burns
“Sorry, I forgot m’lady.”
“Vat okay. Tell me are vu the Virit Vetectivez from Ningenkai?” WTF?
“Yes.”
“I see, vat are vu nam’s?”
“Yusuke.”
“Kazuma.”
“Kurama.”
She nodded at all of them until her eyes stopped on Hiei.
“And vu?
“His name is forbidden, m’lady.” Just like the sexy rest of him...*coughs*
“I see, and vat is his nam?”
The girl gulped and then whispered out his name.
“I can’t hear vu.”
“His name is Hiei m’lady.”
“Vaaaaa, the nam ov vat damned vire vapparation.” WTF? My friend will now kill you slowly and painfully.