i really think we should be friends again.
so, theres lots going on in my life right now. and my mom is away on a cruise...still. so, i have no one to vent to/run my thoughts by..and theres lots on my mind.
last month left of school. we're doing all of our practical testing almost daily from this point on. plus our chapter tests, and our practice final test and then our final written and final practical and then our final presentation... (which im still short a model for..) oh, and we're STILL taking clients. for an extra week more than before now too.
so, needless to say i had a lot on my plate...and now my roomie informs me that he wants me to move out. he gave me an excuse about being unhappy/the lease had been up for a while already.. but seeing as everyone knows everyone these days, ive gotten the hint that he really just wants to live with his girlfriend.
so now i have to move.
and if im going to able to afford to move, then ill have to find a job sooner than when i had originally planned ....ie: when i graduate.
i have also been sick for the past month, and have the worst knots in my shoulders that have been there since august. true story.
so, not only do the anxiety attacks tell me that im worried and stressed... ive been having my crazy dreams about my ex which i always seem to get when theres too much going on in my mind. i remember my old phsychologist suggested that my anixety has come on as a result of post traumatic stress from the relationship...i always wonder about that theory whenever i have these dreams. when i feel that same panick and helplessness that i did whenever me and michael would fight...even tho different things now cause my anxiety, its like it triggers the memories to replay in my mind as i sleep.
which brings me to my next ..."stresser" ... ive been thinking about michael like..non stop lately. well. not non stop.. but more than usual. i cant help but feel like he chose jodi over me out of convenience...shes closer, shes there, shes already accepted into the family and friends circle. ..its easy. but i shouldnt negate anything they have, as i really dont know. in no way am i saying that what he feels for her is less. afterall, he did choose her.. but him and i had something so...our own. something that i dont think we were able to harness at that point in our lives. and we had a chance to realize it again. and its been what, 5 years? 5 years and we are both still wondering with what ifs.
maybe im jealous. ok, a bit.
anyway. im not looking forward to losing this view.
last month left of school. we're doing all of our practical testing almost daily from this point on. plus our chapter tests, and our practice final test and then our final written and final practical and then our final presentation... (which im still short a model for..) oh, and we're STILL taking clients. for an extra week more than before now too.
so, needless to say i had a lot on my plate...and now my roomie informs me that he wants me to move out. he gave me an excuse about being unhappy/the lease had been up for a while already.. but seeing as everyone knows everyone these days, ive gotten the hint that he really just wants to live with his girlfriend.
so now i have to move.
and if im going to able to afford to move, then ill have to find a job sooner than when i had originally planned ....ie: when i graduate.
i have also been sick for the past month, and have the worst knots in my shoulders that have been there since august. true story.
so, not only do the anxiety attacks tell me that im worried and stressed... ive been having my crazy dreams about my ex which i always seem to get when theres too much going on in my mind. i remember my old phsychologist suggested that my anixety has come on as a result of post traumatic stress from the relationship...i always wonder about that theory whenever i have these dreams. when i feel that same panick and helplessness that i did whenever me and michael would fight...even tho different things now cause my anxiety, its like it triggers the memories to replay in my mind as i sleep.
which brings me to my next ..."stresser" ... ive been thinking about michael like..non stop lately. well. not non stop.. but more than usual. i cant help but feel like he chose jodi over me out of convenience...shes closer, shes there, shes already accepted into the family and friends circle. ..its easy. but i shouldnt negate anything they have, as i really dont know. in no way am i saying that what he feels for her is less. afterall, he did choose her.. but him and i had something so...our own. something that i dont think we were able to harness at that point in our lives. and we had a chance to realize it again. and its been what, 5 years? 5 years and we are both still wondering with what ifs.
maybe im jealous. ok, a bit.
anyway. im not looking forward to losing this view.