(no subject)
Jack sits out where it's cold, without a jacket. He shakes in the cold, but it's how he feels.
He also feels other ways, when he's laughing at a joke, saving a life, wrapping Kate in his arms. But when he's sad, or angry, it's the cold that reminds him that he's alive for a reason. Even if he can't figure out what it is.
It was cold the day Sarah left him. He remembers the night she told him...but she didn't fully move out till the next day. Jack woke up on the couch, after pushing her away, up the stairs. He watched her grab her bags and call a taxi, a quick glance of goodbye and she was gone.
He wonders if she worried about him when she heard of his ill fated plane flight. He wonders if his mother even worried...what would she do now without her son to blame? Had she held a funeral for him? What would she do when she finds he's alive.
Sawyer's words come back to him, hauntingly. kids are like dogs, you hit them enough, they'll think they've done something to deserve it
But Jack found that silly. He knew he deserved what he got. He just wasn't saving enough people at the hospital, or saving too many. He hadn't spent enough time with Sarah, so she'd gone and had an affair and left him. He had been more focused on the life of a woman he'd never even known than his father's wellbeing, and got him fired, and ultimately dead.
Jack knew what was his fault. And he worried that when he made a mistake, Kate would run away again. He didn't know how he'd handle that.
And it scared him.
He stands, still shivering violently, and walks into the bar, and up the stairs. It's almost silent, at the wee hours of the morning. He slips into his room, and notices the lack of Kate-shaped figure in the blankets. She'd never even been there tonight, but he still notices when she's gone. He kicks off his shoes, and lies under the covers, fully dressed, still shivering.
He hopes for a dreamless sleep. Just once.
He also feels other ways, when he's laughing at a joke, saving a life, wrapping Kate in his arms. But when he's sad, or angry, it's the cold that reminds him that he's alive for a reason. Even if he can't figure out what it is.
It was cold the day Sarah left him. He remembers the night she told him...but she didn't fully move out till the next day. Jack woke up on the couch, after pushing her away, up the stairs. He watched her grab her bags and call a taxi, a quick glance of goodbye and she was gone.
He wonders if she worried about him when she heard of his ill fated plane flight. He wonders if his mother even worried...what would she do now without her son to blame? Had she held a funeral for him? What would she do when she finds he's alive.
Sawyer's words come back to him, hauntingly. kids are like dogs, you hit them enough, they'll think they've done something to deserve it
But Jack found that silly. He knew he deserved what he got. He just wasn't saving enough people at the hospital, or saving too many. He hadn't spent enough time with Sarah, so she'd gone and had an affair and left him. He had been more focused on the life of a woman he'd never even known than his father's wellbeing, and got him fired, and ultimately dead.
Jack knew what was his fault. And he worried that when he made a mistake, Kate would run away again. He didn't know how he'd handle that.
And it scared him.
He stands, still shivering violently, and walks into the bar, and up the stairs. It's almost silent, at the wee hours of the morning. He slips into his room, and notices the lack of Kate-shaped figure in the blankets. She'd never even been there tonight, but he still notices when she's gone. He kicks off his shoes, and lies under the covers, fully dressed, still shivering.
He hopes for a dreamless sleep. Just once.