the smiles...
there's good merit to watching so many tv shows, considering a handful of them have brilliant opening and closing monologues, with really good dialogue mixed in... i'm going to string together a couple of them, that describes exactly how my week's been so far...
from "grey's anatomy":
"maybe our old wounds teach us something.
they remind us where we've been, and what we've overcome.
they teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future.
that's what we like to think, but that's not the way it is, is it?
some things we just have to learn over, and over, and over again..."
from "the black donnellys":
"walk in there, standing tall, with your head held high.
don't wear your heart on your sleeve.
don't go showing the world how you feel.
keep it locked up real tight; that way,
people can't take the good pieces away from you."
from "the black donnellys" again:
"i think that if you can remember what a person meant to you,
and hold on to that feeling,
i think you can survive a time like this..."
- - - - - - -
in the span of twenty-four hours, i went from wanting to stay bundled up in bed in the fetal position, to walking with my head up high, embracing the warmth of the sunlight that hits my face...
i went from wanting to break down and cry, to having a sense of calmness and satisfaction...
i went from self-esteem fingernail thin, to a sense of confidence and comfort in myself, regardless of my flaws...
i went from wanting to isolate myself from others, to playing entertainer tonight at a prevespers...
i went from being frustrated with life, to embracing it for what it is...
i can continue this pattern, of how i was yesterday, to how i am today, but the point is clear... i've come to terms with certain hardships i'm always going to face... as much as i want this world to be perfect, for things to always work out for my benefit, it's not going to be that way...
the best i can do is accept it, with a smile on my face... whether that smile is a genuine smile of happiness, a smirk of insecurity, or a faint outline of impending cynicism, the world deserves a positive outlook, considering it's been so good to me, overall...
ways i'm gonna cope, though...? like the donnellys quotes show, i'll be more careful about wearing my heart on my sleeve... probably lessen the sensitivity and increase the toughness... it's a simple change i've made today, and it seemed to work... letting the world know how i feel? that's reserved for the private moments between good, trusting friends... the rest of the world doesn't need to be affected by my lack of positive energy...
secondly, i'll hold onto those moments that brought me happiness... whether or not the present is filled with encouraging situations should not affect how i feel about others... not focus on the downsides of any friendship or situation, but rather on the laughter and smiles from which the lasting memories are built...
sure, there are some things that stay consistently stable in life... i'm truly grateful for those... often, i tend to overlook them... in a life of striving for something better, the constants seem to be thrown aside, and often used as a crutch to fall back on, when failure overtakes... i shouldn't use them as a crutch, but rather, a companion in my journey to better myself...
such is life... it's great...
- - - - - - -
yesterday:
*jonny telling me that he was gonna move out next quarter...
*icantori rehearsal, and always screwing up the words on the same exact point in the chant...
*doing some research outside, in the campus center mall... venting to janer a bit...
*working on my music history paper... analyzed two out of the four movements of mozart's "jupiter" symphony so far...
today:
*our final BofM class and PofI class... totally forgetting about the music history listening quiz, which worked out to my benefit when dr davis said she totally forgot about it!
*basking out in the sun with darrin and cory, just wanting to "not hear the chuckle..."
*getting to leave icantori early, after lugging the shells and risers over: ::darrin and i imitating rowan atkinson's narcoleptic character in "rat race"::"it's a race! it's a race! i am winning!"
*lunch with cory and andy, discussing materialistic girls and our family resemblances...
*a really good organ lesson... i think i'm going to be just fine in my jury... a good lesson's really fulfilling; maybe i really should put in more practice time to allow for more successful lessons...
*going to safeway with andy, before heading over to his cell group prevesper at pastor mitchell's house...
*sitting at the table with cara tan, caitlyn (james' girlfriend), and heidi... highly entertaining! being grossed out by a tick on the cat's neck, tweezers and caitlyn's "five o'clock shadow unibrow," the atlas game, where caitlyn wanted cara to name a place that ended in "s," so she could say "savannah," which ended in "h," so i could say "this is caitlyn, this is heidi, and i'm john, and i think you all to go to 'h*ll'..."
*setting up all the tables and chairs for interactions last minute, with steven...
*finding a new roommate within the course of a day... turns out bryce needs a roommate, and he's gonna move down to grainger... pretty awesome... i considered asking him to be my roommate last year, but never took the initiative...
sabbath tomorrow... accompanying the 2-4 graders for sabbath school, evensong in the afternoon, the jazz concert at 8, then cory's championship game at 9:30... should be a jam-packed day... looking forward to it!
from "grey's anatomy":
"maybe our old wounds teach us something.
they remind us where we've been, and what we've overcome.
they teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future.
that's what we like to think, but that's not the way it is, is it?
some things we just have to learn over, and over, and over again..."
from "the black donnellys":
"walk in there, standing tall, with your head held high.
don't wear your heart on your sleeve.
don't go showing the world how you feel.
keep it locked up real tight; that way,
people can't take the good pieces away from you."
from "the black donnellys" again:
"i think that if you can remember what a person meant to you,
and hold on to that feeling,
i think you can survive a time like this..."
- - - - - - -
in the span of twenty-four hours, i went from wanting to stay bundled up in bed in the fetal position, to walking with my head up high, embracing the warmth of the sunlight that hits my face...
i went from wanting to break down and cry, to having a sense of calmness and satisfaction...
i went from self-esteem fingernail thin, to a sense of confidence and comfort in myself, regardless of my flaws...
i went from wanting to isolate myself from others, to playing entertainer tonight at a prevespers...
i went from being frustrated with life, to embracing it for what it is...
i can continue this pattern, of how i was yesterday, to how i am today, but the point is clear... i've come to terms with certain hardships i'm always going to face... as much as i want this world to be perfect, for things to always work out for my benefit, it's not going to be that way...
the best i can do is accept it, with a smile on my face... whether that smile is a genuine smile of happiness, a smirk of insecurity, or a faint outline of impending cynicism, the world deserves a positive outlook, considering it's been so good to me, overall...
ways i'm gonna cope, though...? like the donnellys quotes show, i'll be more careful about wearing my heart on my sleeve... probably lessen the sensitivity and increase the toughness... it's a simple change i've made today, and it seemed to work... letting the world know how i feel? that's reserved for the private moments between good, trusting friends... the rest of the world doesn't need to be affected by my lack of positive energy...
secondly, i'll hold onto those moments that brought me happiness... whether or not the present is filled with encouraging situations should not affect how i feel about others... not focus on the downsides of any friendship or situation, but rather on the laughter and smiles from which the lasting memories are built...
sure, there are some things that stay consistently stable in life... i'm truly grateful for those... often, i tend to overlook them... in a life of striving for something better, the constants seem to be thrown aside, and often used as a crutch to fall back on, when failure overtakes... i shouldn't use them as a crutch, but rather, a companion in my journey to better myself...
such is life... it's great...
- - - - - - -
yesterday:
*jonny telling me that he was gonna move out next quarter...
*icantori rehearsal, and always screwing up the words on the same exact point in the chant...
*doing some research outside, in the campus center mall... venting to janer a bit...
*working on my music history paper... analyzed two out of the four movements of mozart's "jupiter" symphony so far...
today:
*our final BofM class and PofI class... totally forgetting about the music history listening quiz, which worked out to my benefit when dr davis said she totally forgot about it!
*basking out in the sun with darrin and cory, just wanting to "not hear the chuckle..."
*getting to leave icantori early, after lugging the shells and risers over: ::darrin and i imitating rowan atkinson's narcoleptic character in "rat race"::"it's a race! it's a race! i am winning!"
*lunch with cory and andy, discussing materialistic girls and our family resemblances...
*a really good organ lesson... i think i'm going to be just fine in my jury... a good lesson's really fulfilling; maybe i really should put in more practice time to allow for more successful lessons...
*going to safeway with andy, before heading over to his cell group prevesper at pastor mitchell's house...
*sitting at the table with cara tan, caitlyn (james' girlfriend), and heidi... highly entertaining! being grossed out by a tick on the cat's neck, tweezers and caitlyn's "five o'clock shadow unibrow," the atlas game, where caitlyn wanted cara to name a place that ended in "s," so she could say "savannah," which ended in "h," so i could say "this is caitlyn, this is heidi, and i'm john, and i think you all to go to 'h*ll'..."
*setting up all the tables and chairs for interactions last minute, with steven...
*finding a new roommate within the course of a day... turns out bryce needs a roommate, and he's gonna move down to grainger... pretty awesome... i considered asking him to be my roommate last year, but never took the initiative...
sabbath tomorrow... accompanying the 2-4 graders for sabbath school, evensong in the afternoon, the jazz concert at 8, then cory's championship game at 9:30... should be a jam-packed day... looking forward to it!