the "snow on snow" moment...
haven't written all week... not really compelled to write... but i have a lot of time to kill tonight, so why not, right?
one of the topics that came up on andy and my napa trip was the idea of staying in one place for so long... andy's been a shifter, and it's feels odd to him to stick in the same college for a second year... this is my fourth year at PUC, and i think it has its definite advantages... this being my fourth year, there are certain people whose friendships have taken so long to develop to what they are now...
this is the way i see it...
*the first year of a friendship is the year of getting past all the awkwardness... meeting that friend for the first time, and developing a superficial friendship...
*the second year, you no longer have the awkward introductions, and the superficial conversations... your friendship starts to develop deeper, and you start to either realize all the things you have in common... and sadly, for some you realize how different the two of you are... this year determines whether or not there's more to that relationship...
*the third year, and so on... you spend the entire year, strengthening the bonds you've truly formed last year... no hesitation in bothering that individual, since you're entirely comfortable with that individual...
i can name a handful of people where i find this true: darrin, josh, kara... i remember the first years i've spent with these people, and they were very superficial... but it's taken me this long to really strengthen our connections, and i love these people... it's hard to imagine my years at PUC without those three...
of course, i have many other friendship situations... even with andy, we only got to know each other senior year of high school... hmm, this is that third year, isn't it? considering last year was his first year here at PUC... all my church friends, who i've grown up with for 21 years of my life... and there are some amazing people i've met this year, where it just seems like we've totally hit it off... and those experiences have been overwhelmingly amazing...
still in those developmental stages with some of my friends this year, but i definitely see some awesome potential in the future... i'm a melancholy... i put value in those few friendships that mean the world to me... and i'm perfectly fine with that...
- - - - - - -
i've done some self analysis today, for some reason... i think i've been able to broaden my "avoidance complex..."
i have a hard time with people that rely on me... and not just reliance, but the feeling that without me, one would have a hard time... people that seem to invest more in a friendship than i'm willing to, at that moment...
it's hard for me to comprehend this feeling of having someone else's life in my hands... that i'm the one with this burden of fulfilling someone else's emptiness...
what a horrible complex to have, considering i'm gonna be a teacher, where thousands of kids will rely on my care and concern for them... but the difference is, they're probably not gonna rely on me for their social situations...
i've always been somewhat of a loner... and to be thrown in this lifestyle of constant facetime is hard for me to grasp... maybe i just can't figure it out, b/c i've always had to fend for myself and be an individual that doesn't need to rely on someone else...
yeah, i know some people are defined by needing that time with those they love... and i'm fine with that... that's just not something i'm very good at...
laurie and i were talking about something similar to this on monday... she mentioned that someone wrote her this letter, pointing out how amazing she was, and she felt undeserving of any sort of status at that level... and i resonated with her... knowing our faults, how can anyone hold us to such high regard? if they knew the whole us, would they still see us as an amazing person? and what makes situations like this worse, are when someone cares that much about you, but you can't see yourself investing that much concern for that individual...
meh, i can't really explain myself right now... my thoughts are jumbled at the moment...
- - - - - - -
"in the bleak midwinter
frosty winds made moan
earth stood hard as iron
water like a stone
snow is falling
snow on snow
snow on snow
in the bleak midwinter
long ago."
who would've known that that christmas song about nothing would become a trademark between friends... specifically the line "snow on snow..." one crazy night, a group of friends were making fun of the line, and coined phrases like "snow on your face!" or "snow on american social problems..." and andy started cracking up hysterically... now, any moment that brings on sheer hilarity, cry-from-laughter moments, are now called "snow on snow" moments...
and something that consistently cracks you up is your "snow on snow..."
on monday, i discovered my "snow on snow..."
the thought of someone tripping... or even better, someone ACTUALLY tripping...
just the mental image of seeing someone land smack on their face cracks me up...
and yeah, as mean as it is, it never fails to make me laugh...
to the point that all josh had to say was "smack" and i would break out in laughter...
- - - - - - -
this week:
sunday:
*napa trip with andy... had a really awesome hair stylist...
*talking to pamela on the phone... it's always great catching up on each others' lives...
monday:
*went to two PCCA recitals with josh, jordan, and tim... found my snow-on-snow moment during the second recital when thoughts of jordan tripping as he ran up the stairs to the stage... mrs rasmussen had to tell us to behave... listened to tim's cello piece on the second recital...
tuesday:
*blue day in chorale... seemed like everyone was wearing blue...
*sight reading kara's accompaniment for vocal performance class... CRAZY piece, but did okay... peter says he hates me for it, haha...
*study group with andy/josh/claudio/julie for prophets of israel...
wednesday:
*not doing so hot on my prophets test... oh well?
*ditching wind ensemble yet again... oops? all the tenors in choir one all wore red too... geez...
*the theory quiz in i cantori... me being able to recognize the secondary dominant on the ultimate note of the second measure: V 6-5/V...
*sleeping through the entire third PCCA recital until jordan's piece... fun cracking jokes about him and his lover, too...
*trying to find another song for BAQ with darrin... finding cory to rip songs from darrin's iPod...
*planning our future "thurber osio hall" at PUC with darrin... we've got big future plans, haha!
today:
*playing the pendant prediction with marla, yvonne, megan, and andy... yvonne: 3 boys/1 girl, marla boy/girl, megan boy/girl/boy, andy, 2 boys/1 girl...
*watching "high school musical" with megan... our own running commentary and sing-alongs included (troy's fake left shot, gabriela forgetting to leave school for the drill, then falling down the stairs... finding a second fat girl in the movie... seeing the one dance couple that couldn't pull off the move)...
one of the topics that came up on andy and my napa trip was the idea of staying in one place for so long... andy's been a shifter, and it's feels odd to him to stick in the same college for a second year... this is my fourth year at PUC, and i think it has its definite advantages... this being my fourth year, there are certain people whose friendships have taken so long to develop to what they are now...
this is the way i see it...
*the first year of a friendship is the year of getting past all the awkwardness... meeting that friend for the first time, and developing a superficial friendship...
*the second year, you no longer have the awkward introductions, and the superficial conversations... your friendship starts to develop deeper, and you start to either realize all the things you have in common... and sadly, for some you realize how different the two of you are... this year determines whether or not there's more to that relationship...
*the third year, and so on... you spend the entire year, strengthening the bonds you've truly formed last year... no hesitation in bothering that individual, since you're entirely comfortable with that individual...
i can name a handful of people where i find this true: darrin, josh, kara... i remember the first years i've spent with these people, and they were very superficial... but it's taken me this long to really strengthen our connections, and i love these people... it's hard to imagine my years at PUC without those three...
of course, i have many other friendship situations... even with andy, we only got to know each other senior year of high school... hmm, this is that third year, isn't it? considering last year was his first year here at PUC... all my church friends, who i've grown up with for 21 years of my life... and there are some amazing people i've met this year, where it just seems like we've totally hit it off... and those experiences have been overwhelmingly amazing...
still in those developmental stages with some of my friends this year, but i definitely see some awesome potential in the future... i'm a melancholy... i put value in those few friendships that mean the world to me... and i'm perfectly fine with that...
- - - - - - -
i've done some self analysis today, for some reason... i think i've been able to broaden my "avoidance complex..."
i have a hard time with people that rely on me... and not just reliance, but the feeling that without me, one would have a hard time... people that seem to invest more in a friendship than i'm willing to, at that moment...
it's hard for me to comprehend this feeling of having someone else's life in my hands... that i'm the one with this burden of fulfilling someone else's emptiness...
what a horrible complex to have, considering i'm gonna be a teacher, where thousands of kids will rely on my care and concern for them... but the difference is, they're probably not gonna rely on me for their social situations...
i've always been somewhat of a loner... and to be thrown in this lifestyle of constant facetime is hard for me to grasp... maybe i just can't figure it out, b/c i've always had to fend for myself and be an individual that doesn't need to rely on someone else...
yeah, i know some people are defined by needing that time with those they love... and i'm fine with that... that's just not something i'm very good at...
laurie and i were talking about something similar to this on monday... she mentioned that someone wrote her this letter, pointing out how amazing she was, and she felt undeserving of any sort of status at that level... and i resonated with her... knowing our faults, how can anyone hold us to such high regard? if they knew the whole us, would they still see us as an amazing person? and what makes situations like this worse, are when someone cares that much about you, but you can't see yourself investing that much concern for that individual...
meh, i can't really explain myself right now... my thoughts are jumbled at the moment...
- - - - - - -
"in the bleak midwinter
frosty winds made moan
earth stood hard as iron
water like a stone
snow is falling
snow on snow
snow on snow
in the bleak midwinter
long ago."
who would've known that that christmas song about nothing would become a trademark between friends... specifically the line "snow on snow..." one crazy night, a group of friends were making fun of the line, and coined phrases like "snow on your face!" or "snow on american social problems..." and andy started cracking up hysterically... now, any moment that brings on sheer hilarity, cry-from-laughter moments, are now called "snow on snow" moments...
and something that consistently cracks you up is your "snow on snow..."
on monday, i discovered my "snow on snow..."
the thought of someone tripping... or even better, someone ACTUALLY tripping...
just the mental image of seeing someone land smack on their face cracks me up...
and yeah, as mean as it is, it never fails to make me laugh...
to the point that all josh had to say was "smack" and i would break out in laughter...
- - - - - - -
this week:
sunday:
*napa trip with andy... had a really awesome hair stylist...
*talking to pamela on the phone... it's always great catching up on each others' lives...
monday:
*went to two PCCA recitals with josh, jordan, and tim... found my snow-on-snow moment during the second recital when thoughts of jordan tripping as he ran up the stairs to the stage... mrs rasmussen had to tell us to behave... listened to tim's cello piece on the second recital...
tuesday:
*blue day in chorale... seemed like everyone was wearing blue...
*sight reading kara's accompaniment for vocal performance class... CRAZY piece, but did okay... peter says he hates me for it, haha...
*study group with andy/josh/claudio/julie for prophets of israel...
wednesday:
*not doing so hot on my prophets test... oh well?
*ditching wind ensemble yet again... oops? all the tenors in choir one all wore red too... geez...
*the theory quiz in i cantori... me being able to recognize the secondary dominant on the ultimate note of the second measure: V 6-5/V...
*sleeping through the entire third PCCA recital until jordan's piece... fun cracking jokes about him and his lover, too...
*trying to find another song for BAQ with darrin... finding cory to rip songs from darrin's iPod...
*planning our future "thurber osio hall" at PUC with darrin... we've got big future plans, haha!
today:
*playing the pendant prediction with marla, yvonne, megan, and andy... yvonne: 3 boys/1 girl, marla boy/girl, megan boy/girl/boy, andy, 2 boys/1 girl...
*watching "high school musical" with megan... our own running commentary and sing-alongs included (troy's fake left shot, gabriela forgetting to leave school for the drill, then falling down the stairs... finding a second fat girl in the movie... seeing the one dance couple that couldn't pull off the move)...