sit and wonder
another while in between entries; another apology. there'll very likely be the same again after this as well, just so you know.
so, of late i've not ben very happy. there have been a few good days, but they don't seem to matter much. just the snow on top of the ice, that's all they are. deeper down things aren't so good, and partly i've been to blame. i just haven't been active, motivated, bothered, i've been lazy, pessimistic, miserable, detached. people are a distance away, i don't expect a saviour. good things come to other people, characters in films lead different lives than us.
you got to get up if you want to get stuff, so they tell us. the early bird and all that, b of the bang. and that's where i was, i was doing all that. trying hard, or trying to convince myself i was trying. you can do that a hundred times but if success doesn't come once you might as well only have tried that once. that got me down, but i don't want to be down, i don't like being lazy. i tried to improve the thing i wrote that goes in the application forms; we'll see what happens. loads of seasonal jobs get advertised now, so i've submitted a few.
hammock time, the lecturer at uni called it; instead of being busy working hard with pen and paper, sit and think things through he said.
i'll be moving soon. it's been known for a while, but it's going to happen soon. i feel casual, like it hardly matters much. well, it might be temporary. anyway i've moved before, and am sure i'll do it again. the question is where. i'm staying here in edinburgh for the time being, still not sure where in the city though. the landlords decided to sell the flat; no surprises. i said before it might be quick, it might take a while. what's the point in hanging around?
but there's job applications all over the country, from the highlands to the south coast. maybe i'll be here a while, maybe it'll not be that long. i looked out for people who are happy for me to stay for a month if that's all it is.
mam left a voicemail the other day asking if they can come up for the weekend. i thought 'god no' but haven't replied.
i'd asked a friend last week if she could ask people -the guys i used to work with at the galleries- if they'd help me move but she says they've said no. so maybe i'll be getting back to my mam and saying yeah, come up. you and dad can help me move. there's three flat viewings arranged tonight, and another two tomorrow night.
you know where i was this morning?
the psychiatric hospital.
(i hope you know i'm just laughing at your mis/preconceptions of the place and the people there. don't take it seriously. the guys are cool)
so, of late i've not ben very happy. there have been a few good days, but they don't seem to matter much. just the snow on top of the ice, that's all they are. deeper down things aren't so good, and partly i've been to blame. i just haven't been active, motivated, bothered, i've been lazy, pessimistic, miserable, detached. people are a distance away, i don't expect a saviour. good things come to other people, characters in films lead different lives than us.
you got to get up if you want to get stuff, so they tell us. the early bird and all that, b of the bang. and that's where i was, i was doing all that. trying hard, or trying to convince myself i was trying. you can do that a hundred times but if success doesn't come once you might as well only have tried that once. that got me down, but i don't want to be down, i don't like being lazy. i tried to improve the thing i wrote that goes in the application forms; we'll see what happens. loads of seasonal jobs get advertised now, so i've submitted a few.
hammock time, the lecturer at uni called it; instead of being busy working hard with pen and paper, sit and think things through he said.
i'll be moving soon. it's been known for a while, but it's going to happen soon. i feel casual, like it hardly matters much. well, it might be temporary. anyway i've moved before, and am sure i'll do it again. the question is where. i'm staying here in edinburgh for the time being, still not sure where in the city though. the landlords decided to sell the flat; no surprises. i said before it might be quick, it might take a while. what's the point in hanging around?
but there's job applications all over the country, from the highlands to the south coast. maybe i'll be here a while, maybe it'll not be that long. i looked out for people who are happy for me to stay for a month if that's all it is.
mam left a voicemail the other day asking if they can come up for the weekend. i thought 'god no' but haven't replied.
i'd asked a friend last week if she could ask people -the guys i used to work with at the galleries- if they'd help me move but she says they've said no. so maybe i'll be getting back to my mam and saying yeah, come up. you and dad can help me move. there's three flat viewings arranged tonight, and another two tomorrow night.
you know where i was this morning?
the psychiatric hospital.
(i hope you know i'm just laughing at your mis/preconceptions of the place and the people there. don't take it seriously. the guys are cool)