KT42bdaychallenge #5 (Complete entry)
Yay here's my first ever completed Kaihoku entry =) I've edited some parts and added more explanation if it helps.
Vol 2. The meaning of kindness
September 2003
Women would usually express their ideal lover as "Someone who loves me the most". Because it simply seems like a (selfish) demand, there were times when I thought "What the hell, stop bullshitting me, what’s with such a comment!". At other times, I’ve also thought that it’s surprisingly honest.
Actually, isn’t it something everyone has thought of before? It’s the same for the men too, just that men don’t say it out loud. It’s hard if it’s not reciprocated, and for us human beings, everyone wants to be loved by the person they like...
After falling in love with someone, you’d think “I want to tell him/her my feelings, but how should I go about doing that?” It all begins from your actions.
Such feelings of appreciation or cherish for the other party might perhaps even lead to kindness. Well, the exact form (of kindness) will depend on each individual. How giving (in terms of love) someone is depends on his personality, and there are also people who are the kind who receive or accept (love), and all these can be established from the start. Even simply based on the type of relationship itself, different kinds of kindness exist don’t they? If you firmly want a mutual relationship, even something strict can turn into kindness.
That’s why I think there’s nobody who’s absolutely truly kind. Because we’re not God. Isn’t it also a bit strange to say “That person is kind isn’t he?” to express someone’s character or personality? Instead, I feel that calling that person a “useful” person is much better.
As for me, I’m an easy-going person. In English, the closest word would be “easy” (he wrote "easy" in English)? I don’t particularly like the word “easy” itself. If one is “easy”, I feel that he would likely be associated with someone who’s without any boundaries. And I think men and women are no different in this instance. However, exclusive to women is the fact that they can give birth to a child, and in that instance, there is an amazing kindness that is intuitive. Men can never feel or experience such a thing, so there is really nothing we can do but to respect women.
So what can men do then? I guess what men can do is to protect that existence. Also, other than that small thing that we can do, I would also like to be able to provide financial support. I mean it’s not like I want to be poor (and hence unable to provide financially).
Recently, I’ve caught myself thinking of something that made me go “hmm?” That thing is the expression「~してあげる*」. While watching movies, or dramas, this phrase will frequently naturally appear. However, for example, “Hold on a minute, I’ll bring it (for you)**” and “Hold on a minute, I’ll bring it**” - aren’t they very different? Well, it may simply be a matter of preference. Am I being too warped (something like pedantic) here? I know nobody has ever said that that phrase is not good but for instance, “あれ, I’ll tidy up (for you)” is absolutely a no go for me. I mean even if it’s not said out loud (that you are tidying up something for me), once you see it (that someone is tidying up something) you’ll know won’t you (that it was done for you)? If you then say “Sorry”, “ah, no, no, it’s okay”; somehow I would feel like I’ve done something bad (for instance not tidying up, and making you tidy up for me). Instead, “Thank you!” or something along that line would be perfectly fine wouldn’t it?
Whenever possible, I think I would want to always be someone who does something because he wants to. I also want to be someone who can connect with people. Because I want to be spontaneous, ideally, I would like my motives to arise out of kindness. If I think about it, of all the things I have done, rather than the person feeling grateful, I think I feel happier if the person was first and foremost surprised. I tend to seek an “Ehhh” sort of reaction, so I really dislike giving birthday or Christmas presents. I don’t like to have to choose an appropriate item just “because it’s an anniversary”. It feels like it’s something obligatory, and it doesn’t make one feel excited. Compared to such official anniversaries or special occasions, when it’s just an ordinary day, it’s more fun to personally hand someone a gift and say something like “I went shopping, and there was this thing that was just so you…so here you go”.
When hanging out with others, it’ll be great if there’s a manual, but in a manual, the things don’t move right? When you want to be nice to someone, at that moment, you don’t need any “occasion” or “manual”. Well that’s what I feel…
* して = do something あげる = give してあげる = do something for someone
**「ちょっと待って。俺、取って来てあげるから」 vs 「ちょっと待ってて。 俺、取って来るから」
Vol 2. The meaning of kindness
September 2003
Women would usually express their ideal lover as "Someone who loves me the most". Because it simply seems like a (selfish) demand, there were times when I thought "What the hell, stop bullshitting me, what’s with such a comment!". At other times, I’ve also thought that it’s surprisingly honest.
Actually, isn’t it something everyone has thought of before? It’s the same for the men too, just that men don’t say it out loud. It’s hard if it’s not reciprocated, and for us human beings, everyone wants to be loved by the person they like...
After falling in love with someone, you’d think “I want to tell him/her my feelings, but how should I go about doing that?” It all begins from your actions.
Such feelings of appreciation or cherish for the other party might perhaps even lead to kindness. Well, the exact form (of kindness) will depend on each individual. How giving (in terms of love) someone is depends on his personality, and there are also people who are the kind who receive or accept (love), and all these can be established from the start. Even simply based on the type of relationship itself, different kinds of kindness exist don’t they? If you firmly want a mutual relationship, even something strict can turn into kindness.
That’s why I think there’s nobody who’s absolutely truly kind. Because we’re not God. Isn’t it also a bit strange to say “That person is kind isn’t he?” to express someone’s character or personality? Instead, I feel that calling that person a “useful” person is much better.
As for me, I’m an easy-going person. In English, the closest word would be “easy” (he wrote "easy" in English)? I don’t particularly like the word “easy” itself. If one is “easy”, I feel that he would likely be associated with someone who’s without any boundaries. And I think men and women are no different in this instance. However, exclusive to women is the fact that they can give birth to a child, and in that instance, there is an amazing kindness that is intuitive. Men can never feel or experience such a thing, so there is really nothing we can do but to respect women.
So what can men do then? I guess what men can do is to protect that existence. Also, other than that small thing that we can do, I would also like to be able to provide financial support. I mean it’s not like I want to be poor (and hence unable to provide financially).
Recently, I’ve caught myself thinking of something that made me go “hmm?” That thing is the expression「~してあげる*」. While watching movies, or dramas, this phrase will frequently naturally appear. However, for example, “Hold on a minute, I’ll bring it (for you)**” and “Hold on a minute, I’ll bring it**” - aren’t they very different? Well, it may simply be a matter of preference. Am I being too warped (something like pedantic) here? I know nobody has ever said that that phrase is not good but for instance, “あれ, I’ll tidy up (for you)” is absolutely a no go for me. I mean even if it’s not said out loud (that you are tidying up something for me), once you see it (that someone is tidying up something) you’ll know won’t you (that it was done for you)? If you then say “Sorry”, “ah, no, no, it’s okay”; somehow I would feel like I’ve done something bad (for instance not tidying up, and making you tidy up for me). Instead, “Thank you!” or something along that line would be perfectly fine wouldn’t it?
Whenever possible, I think I would want to always be someone who does something because he wants to. I also want to be someone who can connect with people. Because I want to be spontaneous, ideally, I would like my motives to arise out of kindness. If I think about it, of all the things I have done, rather than the person feeling grateful, I think I feel happier if the person was first and foremost surprised. I tend to seek an “Ehhh” sort of reaction, so I really dislike giving birthday or Christmas presents. I don’t like to have to choose an appropriate item just “because it’s an anniversary”. It feels like it’s something obligatory, and it doesn’t make one feel excited. Compared to such official anniversaries or special occasions, when it’s just an ordinary day, it’s more fun to personally hand someone a gift and say something like “I went shopping, and there was this thing that was just so you…so here you go”.
When hanging out with others, it’ll be great if there’s a manual, but in a manual, the things don’t move right? When you want to be nice to someone, at that moment, you don’t need any “occasion” or “manual”. Well that’s what I feel…
* して = do something あげる = give してあげる = do something for someone
**「ちょっと待って。俺、取って来てあげるから」 vs 「ちょっと待ってて。 俺、取って来るから」