I'm not sure Canon deserved that...

[araeph]

TITLE: Hearts_Can_Change

CULPRIT: goblinphantomgirl

SUMMARY: Jack has finally met his match with Annabelle. Setting out for an island with adventures along the way can contempt become something more?..

Best Line:

Jack murmured with a grin but his eyes shot flames. And here I thought Jack Sparrow couldn’t be any more awesome.

Best Character Maligning:

- Jack was really a softy but he didn’t want to admit that to himself.
- [Jack] was standing at the helm, looking like a poser as he gazed out to sea.

The Verdict:



NAME: It’s rare I excerpt a phrase for this category, but I couldn’t resist:

“Annabelle West” she sounded out her name slowly as if her name indicated that she was someone of high importance.

Dream on, Sue. Dream on.
HAIR: “Long blonde hair that would hang to past her waist”
EYES: Blue
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: “Quite a pretty girl”; “Skin as clear as crystal”; her hair smells like “a perfume of roses mixed with fresh sea air”
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: Claims to know the location of buried treasure. Jack is stupid enough to take her on board for a long voyage toward said treasure, with only her word to go on.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Far away, but never really specified.
OBNOXIOUS AND- Oh, what’s the point? Jack's True Love.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: An amazing singing voice. She sings “A Pirate’s Life for Me.” I know, you probably could have figured that out on your own. But I couldn’t leave you with false hope that she might be original, now could I?

Trust me, false hope is worse than no hope. Case in point:

The “Plot”: Apologies for the lengthy summary...there's just something mesmerizing about a plot that gets exponentially more ridiculous as it unfolds.

The mother of one Annabelle West gets a letter from the “distant” Caribbean, saying that Annabelle’s father died in a duel. And oh, by the way, he’s a pirate. Just FYI. The heartbroken Sue realizes that her father won’t get a Christian burial now that the jig is up, so she sails to the Caribbean from…somewhere else…and is shipwrecked. Jack, whom the author repeatedly describes as “thinking to himself,” finds her floating on a piece of driftwood and rescues her. In gratitude, Sue nicknames Jack Sparrow “Dicky” and starts making absurd demands of him.

At this point, the author mentions that this is after At World’s End, but Will and Elizabeth somehow join Jack's crew and Will’s heart is still in his body. Also, Norrington is alive and a Commodore. Since Barbossa plays only a minor role in the subsequent "plot", and since there's no mention of Davy Jones, Beckett, or Calypso...why didn't the author just make this an AU set after the first movie? Oh, right. Because then it would start to make sense.

As in most Suefics, the Sue knows the whereabouts of buried treasure, so she convinces Jack to help her look for it and he’ll get half. Jack almost immediately regrets bringing her on board the Pearl (which he retakes from Barbossa in ten minutes flat), and more than once tries to get rid of her without any actual success. This is probably because none of his methods include just leaving her behind but involve some complicated hijinks from which the Sue always escapes. Meanwhile, the Sue earns a special place in Elizabeth’s heart for no real reason. Well, I guess anything’s better than Elizabeth-bashing.

Sue gets it into her head that being allowed to stay on board means she’ll share a cabin with Elizabeth. But I guess no one told the Turners, because when it's bedtime, Sue is horrified to hear our favorite couple having sex in the cabin Sue and Elizabeth were supposedly going to share. Sue doesn’t know what to do about this, but I do: I laugh and laugh and laugh.

But just as I finally start to enjoy this fic, the Sue douses my amusement by demanding that Jack relinquish his cabin and sleep on the deck instead. That’s right, not in a hammock…on the deck. When Jack protests, Sue boldly goes where every Sue has gone before and kicks Jack out of his own cabin. (She locks the door behind her, too, as if the captain’s cabin actually had a lock and a key in those days. But I digress.) Barbossa is also sleeping on deck because he thinks he’s too good to sleep in a hammock like the crew, or something.

The Suethor raises my hopes yet again when Jack orders rum for Annabelle, knowing she has no money and will have to stay at the tavern and work it off. But alas, the Sue showcases her amazing singing voice. One recital of “A Pirate’s Life for Me” later, and the drunken pirates just let her go on her way without paying for the rum.

Next, the gang all head for Port Royal so that the Suethor can make fun of Norrington and so Sue and Jack can attend a ball together. Seriously, there’s no other reason why they’re in Port Royal. That night, a ship under the command of “the other Captain” (no, not Barbossa, just a random captain the Suethor was too lazy to think up a name for) takes over the Pearl and maroons Jack and Sue. Then the story starts vomiting up random pieces of parially-digested plot, as though the author is getting tired of the fic, too, and just wants it over with. Sue gets taken hostage by some random ruffian and she gives his “goods” a good yank and he lets her go and Sue and Jack row back to the Pearl and retake the ship but oh no they’re out of food so they have to go to the island oh no it’s Cannibal Island and Sue’s the new Goddess the end.

I’d say it’s a happy “ending,” since we can imagine the cannibals savoring Annabelle West far more than we ever would, but no doubt the Suethor will only let us down again by writing more and actually letting her live.

Notes: The chocolate brown eyes return:

Now was different. Now his chocolate brown eyes stared into her own with an intensity, a look of affection and care that she had never thought imaginable. Her own blue eyes stared back at him so that for a few seconds all that could be seen from side-on were two people staring at each other, one with his arm stretched out to the other, waiting for her to take it.

Is it just me, or is the Suethor posing these two for a photo shoot?



Spyglass. Spyglass. Spyglass!

Chapter One: First Meeting

Jack sung to himself as he paddled his way across the sea to find his ship. Once again someone had taken it and once again, he was not happy! Being the cool and calm person that he was however, he managed to keep some restraint. He had something they needed: the map to the ‘Fountain of Youth’. Not that he intended on giving it to them but it would be good for bargaining all the same. This was what he thought of as he paddled. Thanks for the vote of confidence on our reading comprehension skills.

Suddenly, he caught a flash of white out of the corner of his eye. Extending his trusty telescope in time to see a large meteor head their way and obliterate all traces of this fic he looked over in that direction. He couldn’t see clearly but it appeared to be a woman lying on a piece of broken ship. What, was “wood” too hard to type? As he looked around, he saw that he could see the remains of a ship that had obviously been attacked. “Sad sight” he thought.

His thoughts returning to the girl once more however he began to paddle in that direction. He finally reached her and let his boat drift along beside her small raft. How did this Sue make a raft out of a “piece of broken ship”? She appeared to be unconscious. The colour in her cheeks showed him that she wasn’t dead.

“She is quite a pretty girl” Jack thought to himself. Long blonde hair that would hang to past her waist if the head lice hadn’t made her shave it all off, probably blue eyes as well. Jack’s been reading our Sue report. Skin as clear as crystal, obviously she hadn’t been sailing for long. Oh well, he heaved her into his dinghy and attempted to lay her down in a position that would be as comfortable as possible without compromising his paddling space.

Jack was really a softy but he didn’t want to admit that to himself. “I’ll just see what she has to offer me when she wakes up, if she doesn’t have anything I’ll toss her overboard.”

With that he continued on as he had, singing away, one more passenger on board his dinghy.

A few hours later her eyes began to open. “They are blue, just as I thought” he thought to himself.

The girl looked around herself sleepily and then at Jack. “Hello Love, have a nice sleep?” Heh, imagine that, the Sue calling Jack Love…*looks again* Aww. It was just misattributed dialogue.

The girl jumped about six feet in the air and then developed an angry and defensive look upon her face and sat up.

“Who are you pirate?” she demanded.

“Captain Jack Sparrow at your service Ma’am” he replied with a wink.

“Really, then where’s your ship then? unless you claim to be Captain of this dinghy in which case where’s your crew?” she smirked at him.

“My ship is currently misplaced and since I have just saved your life, you can stop being so impolite, savvy?” *cheers*

She sighed, “I suppose I must thankyou for that.”

“What’s your name then love.” he smiled his usual gold-toothed grin at her.

“Annabelle West” she sounded out her name slowly as if her name indicated that she was someone of high importance. It didn’t, of course.

“Not been out on the seas long I see” (another golden grin and a glance at her pale arms)

Annabelle saw him look at her arms and took a glance at them herself. “Yes, I’ve actually only been out for a day. ONE DAY! And already I’ve been shipwrecked, I thank the heavens I didn’t own the ship.” She stopped and her eyes full of fury softened as her gaze reverted back to him. Why be clear and concise, when you can be verbose and convoluted?

“I suppose I’m really lucky that I’m still alive. Thankyou Mr. Sparrow.” A cheeky look came upon her face. “Sparrow, like a dicky bird. I think I’ll call you Dicky.”

“Haha, very funny love. What may I ask is a lady like you doing out on the open seas?”

Annabelle’s face grew grave. “I suppose I can tell you, as you’re a pirate. A week ago, a letter arrived at my house saying that Jeremy Swift had been killed in a duel on a distant island in the Caribbean. My mother told me on her deathbed that he was my father and a pirate. I’m the daughter of a pirate! So with my Mother’s death I decided that I would set out for this island to bury my father as he deserves, pirate or not.” So, either you’re going to dig up Daddy, or you’ve stalled the burial and he’s still aboveground. In the Caribbean heat, that would smell…well, it’d smell just like this fanfic.

She suddenly reached out and grabbed Jack’s arm, taking him by surprise. “That’s what I need you for. With no ship I have no way of getting there.”

Jack gave her a suspicious sidelong glance and a wink “What’s in it for me.”

Annabelle released his arm hurriedly, “I thought you’d say that pirate. I was also told in the letter that he owned a considerable amount of gold that was buried somewhere on the island. I have memorised the directions. If you agree to help me, I will give you half of the gold. Nothing matters so much to me as the knowledge that my father has received a Christian burial.” Are you going to take a priest hostage, too? If it's a Christian burial, you're going to need one.

“Ok, I’ll take you to this place but I’d like to know the coordinates in advance so I can navigate savvy?”

She snorted, “I’m not stupid, I will tell you one step at a time. I’m not risking you throwing me overboard while you sail off to steal my father’s treasure, Dicky.”

Jack slitted his eyes and started rowing harder. “I’ll tell you one thing, if I let you on board my ship I’ll soon regret it with your sharp tongue.”


Sue eavesdrops on Will/Elizabeth sex

“Come! what am I, your pet dog?” was her angry response. No one would mistake you for a dog, dear. They can be housebroken.

“Come meet the crew.” With that he walked away and opened the door leading to the men’s hammock room and to the Turners’ room. He began yelling in the doors “Right you filthy dogs! (and Elizabeth), out on the deck, Captain Sparrow’s orders.”

Annabelle heard a woman’s voice, “Jack’s back?” which she guessed must be Elizabeth. She was glad that another woman was aboard, someone to talk to and some shelter from the advances of the other male members of the crew. Uh, right. Somehow, I think the "male members" would skip over the Pirate King who's married to a master swordsman and go right to the single young woman of heartbreaking beauty who has no way to defend herself.

Everyone rushed onto the deck, obviously excited to have their old Captain back. Elizabeth and Will walked more slowly and carefully at the back of the group.

Everyone suddenly stared at her. She suddenly had that self-conscious feeling again and felt herself straightening up under everyone’s scrutinizing eyes.

“It’s another Poppet, hello Poppet, I’m Pintel!” she heard one excited pirate shout from the crowd.

“Uh, hello Pintel” she replied to such a friendly outburst. My brain. It hurts.

“And I’m Ragetti!” she suddenly spotted them, quite a funny looking pair they were. Ragetti who had just called out was a skinny looking pirate with blonde hair and a false eye while Pintel was short, stout and had long hair to his shoulders even though he was completely bald on the top of his head. Both had goofy and friendly looking expressions on their faces Who are these people? and Annabelle couldn’t help but smile. “Hello”

“Who are you?” Will asked looking very suspiciously, a great contrast to the agreeable pair who had greeted her beforehand. His wife wasn’t smiling but seemed simply to be taking Annabelle in rather than glaring at her like her husband.

She suddenly felt Jack’s hand slam around her waist …Yeah, sure, whatever you say, Author. and hug her to him and she shut her eyes and raised her hands in defence at the shock. “This is Annabelle West, she will be with us for a while. We’ll be taking her to an island and in return we’ll receive gold payment, savvy?”

“How do we know we can trust her?” Will demanded angrily.

“Will!” Elizabeth looked up at him angrily, “look at her, she’s not a pirate.” They both looked back at her. “Why do you want to go to this island?”

“I want to bury my father. I was informed a week ago that he was killed in a duel on an island. He was a pirate.”

A silence rang out in the air at this news. “Well come on, start heading?...” Jack looked at Annabelle questioningly.

“North-West” she replied.

“North-West” he yelled out the order as if it were his own It was his own. Just because you suggest a course to the captain doesn’t mean that you’re giving the order! then he released his grip on her. She relaxed now. It was as if she hadn’t wanted to embarrass him in front of his crew but she most certainly would have slapped him for grapping Grapping? her like that had they been alone, she was sure of it. “You can sleep in Elizabeth’s room.” He stated and then he walked away.

“Hello, I’m Elizabeth Turner.” Elizabeth came up to her, smiled and held her hand out to shake.

“Annabelle West.” She took it and smiled in response.

“You’ll need to watch out for Jack’s advances, believe me he’s very sly. He gave up on me when I married Will however. I’ll watch out for you and help you if you need it.”

“Thank you, I think I’ll probably be able to cope with Dicky for the most part though.” The two women glanced over at him simultaneously. He was standing at the helm, looking like a poser as he gazed out to sea. Must…refrain…from…slapping…Suethor… “You wonder how they cope all those long days at sea with no women around. They must seek some sort of relief from it all but just what and who with is another question.” Nah, not really. That’s what cabin boys are for!

The pair burst out laughing and Jack glanced down at them, initially surprised at their laughter and then slitting his eyes as he realized they were laughing at him. He put his hand on his hip, attempting to demonstrate his authority but this just sent them into greater peals, Annabelle falling onto the deck and then smirking up at him. Oh yes, he was really regretting letting her on board now. So…why keep her on board? He’s not contractually obligated to have her stay. Toss her into the water, Jack, before the crew mutinies again!


Because it’s just not complete without a slapping scene

“We’ll be stopping in at Tortuga for a short while to get supplies, namely rum.”

A great cheer broke out amongst the pirates.

“And I suppose a good whore will be available to those who are willing to spend money.”

(Further cheer and looks of disgust from Annabelle, Elizabeth and Will once Elizabeth had glared at him for cheering). Because the Kid Who’s a Bit of a Stick is a whoremonger, just because he’s a man.

Before they knew it, they were docked and Annabelle flinched as she heard laughing and breaking bottles and saw at least three whores making out with pirates in the middle of the street. She pulled a face in disgust. How could they lower themselves to that level? I don’t know, Sue, maybe they had to survive and this was their only alternative?

As everyone stepped upon the shore they all scattered, even Elizabeth and Will and Annabelle found herself alone with Jack on a Pirate port. Could things get any worse?

Suddenly two whores came marching towards them, practicing their lockstep for the high school band, with their hands on their hips. “Clarissa” Jack laughed at the blonde one right before she slapped him across the face.

“Where have you been?” she demanded.

“Nowhere of consequence love, ah, Crystal” he said to the other one, thinner with dark brown hair, his greeting met with another slap.

By now Annabelle was laughing, “Jack”, she thought “getting continually slapped by women, hilarious”. She wondered if this happened often. Well, guys? Does this happen often? I can’t seem to remember this scene ever, even once, being enacted before in the history of PotC fanfiction.

Clarissa noticed her laughing, “Who are you?” she asked her and then she slapped Jack again “Cheating on me.”

“Oh no, I’m not with him. He’s just taking me to where I need to go. That last sentence...may not be the best way to convey the fact that Jack's not cheating. Say, have you ever noticed…”

The three women stood in huddle a little distance off, talking about Jack obviously and laughing insanely at whatever it was that Annabelle was saying. She kept looking at him, smirking, telling him with her expression that it was all to get back at him for whatever he might have done. He hated when she did that, every time she met another woman there was laughing and whispering. It was driving him mad! Okay, Sue. Where have you hidden the real Jack Sparrow?

Jack decided that she wasn’t worth it after all. He walked over and grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the pub. “Stay here, I’ll get you a rum.”

Annabelle was too in shock at this act of kindness to dispute it.

Jack walked over to the bar and leant across it side on, “Hey James, can I get one rum please, that lady over there” He pointed over at Annabelle, who was oblivious, staring at a pashing couple in disgust, “Will pay for it.”

“Ok Jack.” He filled a dirty brown mug and then held it out to him.

“Thanks mate.” Jack grinned with his gold capped teeth and his eyes sparkled as he thought of what would come from this simple act, freedom. Hmm, maybe this fic isn’t so bad after all.

He handed to mug to Annabelle, “There you go love,” Smiled, and walked away. Annabelle began sipping away, trying to adapt to the strong, foreign taste.

The bartender walked over to her suddenly, “I’ll have the money for that now Missy.”

Annabelle paled, “But, I don’t have any money.”

“Well you’ll have to pay for it some how. How about entertaining us in some way, huh?”
The bar was silent now, everyone standing and staring at the conversation that was being carried out. Jack stood at the back, smirking. He knew that if Annabelle couldn’t pay for the rum, they wouldn’t let her go and Jack would be freed of her. Good going, Captain Jack! No treasure was worth putting up with her. *raises hand* Can I stop the fic right here? Please pretty please?

Annabelle had never looked more scared, Jack triumphed in her weakness. Suddenly she started singing, Nooooooooo! quietly at first but then building up in volume as her confidence increased and the other people in the bar joined in in her song. Even the band began playing the accompaniment music. At the very height of her success, Annabelle glanced over to where Jack stood with his jaw dropped and smirked at him. That smirk was his old enemy. She’d won again. Damn her! Indeed.