Happy Birthday to Us!
Hello, heave_ho-ers.
I had forgotten that last Monday was our 5th anniversary! Thank you, everyone who has mocked all of the atrocious Sueage that has come our way over the years. In return, I have updated the “memories,” got us a brand-new Mary Sue definition on the profile, and added tags for each rating. Feel like you can stomach all of the “putrescents” at one go? Have at it!
And remember, if any of you wants to spork a fic yourselves or encourage other people to do so, by all means, bump my entries down to the bottom! It’s great to see other people’s take on this comunity.
In this post, I’d like to know what your preferred Suefic to spork is. Do you like the godawful ones, or the entertainingly bad ones? Are you tired of the Jack/OCs, or do you want to stay away from Canon Sues? Please comment!
Well, I guess that leaves no room for badfic-mocking today...
...aww, c'mon, guys, I wouldn't do that to you. Here's some bona fide Suethor poetry, for your horror and enjoyment!
TITLE: Captain of My Heart
CULPRIT: JDLuvaSQEE
Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates Of The Caribbean or Captain Jack Sparrow! Judging from your title, he owns you. But enough of my comments! Let's let the captain do the talking.
He has tan skin that feels like the softest satin
and he has the scent of coconut lime verbena.
He has black dreadlock hair with trinkets tied into it from his many adventures that is held back with a worn red bandana.
He has dark kohl-rimmed onyx black eyes
that capture you and seem to see your every secret and desire.
He has a dark mustache and braided goatee surrounding a Cupid’s bow shaped mouth
with warm satin soft lips
that taste like rum, honey, exotic spices, and the sea.
Captain Jack Sparrow: The Captain of My Heart.
TITLE: Davy Jones Organ
CULPRIT: whiteflower122
________________________________________
What part of “Davy Jones cannot set foot on land but once every ten years” did this Suethor not understand? Let’s find out.
Davy Jones Organ Song
He sat on his organ
and played
He played the night away, away
No heart to cry nor did he weep
No heart to cry or weep.
He played his anguish in his dorm
He wondered more, and more and more
Where is my love I once longed for?
Where is the one I longed for?
His ship is fierce, it is not weak
His crew is disorderly
A tentacled beard and a claw for a hand
He’s the meanest pirate of the land.
He hid his heart inside a chest
For him it was the best
Where is it now and where is the key?
The key to the Dead Man’s Chest.
But underneath his clammy skin
His heart still beats within him
His heart still cries for the one he loved
Calypso my life, my love
Calypso my life, my love.