Self Service
Haven't been posting here lately. My time on LJ has been spent checking into communities and posting comments on my friends page. The work on my heart continues. The situation is looking up as far as the relationship between me and the former object of my resentment is concerned. I'm not Catholic, but it sure would be nice to get "absolution." Guess it's going to be a slower process with me, though. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Slow and steady.
So now that my heart is being overhauled (an amazing process, btw) would this be a good time or a bad time to request a "transplant"? I long for a servant's heart, and it just isn't there. I want what I want when I want it. My selfishness knows no bounds. My work as a SAHM doesn't seem fulfilling because I don't get immediate gratification from it. I know in my mind how important it is, but I'm just not "feelin' it."
I really thought I would be more grown up by the time I hit 40. Maybe the one I need to be parenting the most is- me?
Edit: It occurs to me that a big part of my problem is reflected in that last sentence. I'm not looking to the One in charge. He is parenting me. But, like most immature kids, I'm not always listening. Can you say "ear transplant"?
So now that my heart is being overhauled (an amazing process, btw) would this be a good time or a bad time to request a "transplant"? I long for a servant's heart, and it just isn't there. I want what I want when I want it. My selfishness knows no bounds. My work as a SAHM doesn't seem fulfilling because I don't get immediate gratification from it. I know in my mind how important it is, but I'm just not "feelin' it."
I really thought I would be more grown up by the time I hit 40. Maybe the one I need to be parenting the most is- me?
Edit: It occurs to me that a big part of my problem is reflected in that last sentence. I'm not looking to the One in charge. He is parenting me. But, like most immature kids, I'm not always listening. Can you say "ear transplant"?