(no subject)
I'm so unbelievably selfish when it comes to some things. I really make myself sick sometimes with how I am and how I act and what I look like. I want to change this. I'm ready to be happy again. not fake smile happy, but fucking happy.
School starts on monday. I have to be there before 6.45 and after, I'll only be able to go to an hour of dance team practice. that sucks. I wish I could make the whole practice but that's what I get for getting bad grades, right?
whatever.
Dan called me yesterday. that made me really happy. after playing phone tag for awhile, we got a good convo in. It was really nice. We relate in a lot of ways, and I really like it. Hopefully we'll be seeing each other more this summer. He's such a nice, good kid. I think we could really help each other in the ways we need it and just be good friends. I'm hoping. :)
My mom's been on my case about eating better. she thinks I don't ever really eat and I just throw away food. She's trying to shove meat down my throat and that really bugs me. "It's already dead.." uhh whatever. that makes me really mad. it's not like I'm annorexic. I just don't eat meat. She used to get that concept... I'm not sure why she doesn't any more.
=/
So, last night I had a dream [one of many] and Josh called me from Florida. I called him back but got this girl and she told me that he wansn't there right at the moment. But, I felt so relieved that he got there. sooo relieved. I feel like I'm obsessing over this subject. I just want him to get there ok. I still care about him beyond belief and it's just hard for me, I guess. But I'm hoping he does call sometime soon, even if it's just for a minute, to say he's ok and stuff.
I want to quit the Wizard of Oz really badly. It's so boring and usually just makes me complain and puts me in a bad mood. But, I'm not going to because of Jennica and Emily. That would be torture for them. But, uhh it sucks so bad. We always complain about it together. haha. But, I guess the plus to it is me and Jennica and Em have gotten closer, and I love them. hah. good times.
kind of.
:)
So, I'm going to ggo take a shower because I feel absolutely gross.
School starts on monday. I have to be there before 6.45 and after, I'll only be able to go to an hour of dance team practice. that sucks. I wish I could make the whole practice but that's what I get for getting bad grades, right?
whatever.
Dan called me yesterday. that made me really happy. after playing phone tag for awhile, we got a good convo in. It was really nice. We relate in a lot of ways, and I really like it. Hopefully we'll be seeing each other more this summer. He's such a nice, good kid. I think we could really help each other in the ways we need it and just be good friends. I'm hoping. :)
My mom's been on my case about eating better. she thinks I don't ever really eat and I just throw away food. She's trying to shove meat down my throat and that really bugs me. "It's already dead.." uhh whatever. that makes me really mad. it's not like I'm annorexic. I just don't eat meat. She used to get that concept... I'm not sure why she doesn't any more.
=/
So, last night I had a dream [one of many] and Josh called me from Florida. I called him back but got this girl and she told me that he wansn't there right at the moment. But, I felt so relieved that he got there. sooo relieved. I feel like I'm obsessing over this subject. I just want him to get there ok. I still care about him beyond belief and it's just hard for me, I guess. But I'm hoping he does call sometime soon, even if it's just for a minute, to say he's ok and stuff.
I want to quit the Wizard of Oz really badly. It's so boring and usually just makes me complain and puts me in a bad mood. But, I'm not going to because of Jennica and Emily. That would be torture for them. But, uhh it sucks so bad. We always complain about it together. haha. But, I guess the plus to it is me and Jennica and Em have gotten closer, and I love them. hah. good times.
kind of.
:)
So, I'm going to ggo take a shower because I feel absolutely gross.