Mirror Mirror on the Wall: Chapter 15 - Stop the Carousel I Want to Get Off
The Effect of "Keep Sam Safe" and "Reject All Things Supernatural"
Now let's turn from the family's structure to the values that it holds and trace their effects:
John imbues both sons with the missions of "Keep Sam Safe" and to "Reject all things supernatural."
JOHN: Come on, dude, look alive. This stuff’s important.
DEAN: I know, it’s just, we’ve gone over it, like, a million times, and you know I’m not stupid.
JOHN: I know you’re not. But it only takes one mistake, you got that? All right, if I’m not back Sunday night?
DEAN: Call Pastor Jim.
JOHN: Lock the doors and windows, close the shades, and most important
DEAN: Watch out for Sammy. I know.
Something Wicked
What if we killed things that didn't deserve killing? You know, I mean, the way Dad raised us, I mean, the way he raised us to hate those things, and man, I hate them.
Bloodlust
Dean is held responsible for Sam's well-being before he truly has the capacity to ensure it.
As the object of protection, Sam's choices and self-determination are restricted.
Something Wicked
After School Special
Dean attributes this to John preferring Sam.
Sam attributes it to John seeing something bad/wrong/different about himself.
Dream a Little Dream of Me
Bugs
Dean sacrifices large parts of himself to meet his father's expectations, earn his approval and so maintain that attachment to John that he needs to identify with John the Hero - who keeps the world safe.
Sam feels disempowered and insecure about how his brother and father perceive his worth. This generalizes to a core of insecurity about himself in relationship with other people as well.
A Very Supernatural Christmas
After School Special
In order to maintain some kind of connection to the things Dean lost in himself, he projects them onto and attempts to preserve them in Sam.
In order to maintain some kind of connection to the things Sam lost in himself, he rejects his father's world view and hence John's view of him. Instead he projects his insecurity outward as rage directed at John and brittle pride in himself as "different than" John.
Heart
Dead Man's Blood
So, when Dean's deal comes due and he faces the loss of his humanity (becoming the object of "Reject all things supernatural"), it becomes even more important to "Keep Sam safe," to preserve the good in Sam. Dean's sacrifice of his life and becoming something that he has been taught to loathe would all be worth it if it ensured the survival of the Sam That Was, to keep Sam from becoming something that Dean would loathe. It would also mean that Dean had accomplished something of good no matter how twisted he became, and so preserve some small measure of his humanity.
When Sam learns more and more of the Yellow-Eyed Demon's impact on him and his family, he faces the loss of his humanity because he's learned that John was right after all. Sam has internalized his father's value of "Reject all things supernatural," to at least some degree. Being "not quite human" has both implications for how he will be perceived by Dean and by himself. It becomes more and more important to be the Sammy that Dean believes in. It gives Dean hope that his sacrifice is for good. It gives Sam hope that he's not the bad/wrong/different thing in his brother's eyes and in his own eyes.
Metamorphosis
No Rest for the Wicked
To preserve the Sam That Was, to preserve Sam's humanity, it then becomes necessary that Dean sacrifice his life. As a result of this sacrifice, Dean learned that he can be used as a tool to cause pain and destruction to everyone around him. He learned what it means to lose your humanity and the regret is overwhelming and painful for him. This experience confirms the value of "Reject all things supernatural" for Dean.
Sam learns the cost of preserving his humanity. He learns that he will be held helpless while those he loves die. And so, Sam learns that his very existence is a weapon that destroys everyone who is close to him. Sam loses hope in his humanity. Is it worth it to cling to his humanity if it means that everyone he loves has to die to preserve it?
No Rest for the Wicked
No Rest for the Wicked
Heaven and Hell
Criss Angel is a Douchebag
As well as confirming the value of "Reject all things supernatural," Dean learns the lesson that some things are not worth sacrificing. Dean is no longer willing to sacrifice everything in the service of his family.
Sam sees that Dean has limits. In comparison, Sam is behind Dean on that particular learning curve. Because of the "no holds barred" rigid adherence to sacrifice everything and family fear of emotional vulnerability, Sam interprets these as a weakness.
When the Levee Breaks
The Monster at the End of this Book
Dean looks to redeem himself by devoting himself to saving others and saving The Sam That Was.
Dean's sacrifices had allowed Sam to retain his innocence and his humanity, but that cost is too high for Sam, now. Isn't Sam just as much a monster if he chooses to ask others to make those kinds of sacrifices for him over and over again, particular if he thinks that they have no hope of defending themselves? No matter which Sam chooses: to cling to his humanity or to accept his supernatural nature, Sam will lose. No matter what he does, demons have made him into a monster. He, too, feels the need for redemption. He takes power where it is offered to end the cycle of sacrifice.
Metamorphosis
Criss Angel is a Douchebag
Sam's exploration of the supernatural side of his being scares the crap out of Dean, and he increases the intensity of his role as the one who enforces "Keep Sam safe."
Sam, desperate to keep Dean's faith in him despite that core of insecurity about how he would be perceived if Dean really knew him, hides and lies to preserve his brother's attachment to him. He fronts his own self-loathing with brittle pride and projects the helplessness and rage at being forced to be what he is onto the demon who is forcing the issue, Lilith.
Sex and Violence
Sex and Violence
As Sam keeps resisting the role of being the object of his family's sacrifice, Dean becomes more and more terrified and rigid in his role of the big brother. Sam becomes more terrified as a result - fearing the loss of his brother's regard and that Dean will have to step in again and "save him" thus putting Dean in danger, and so Sam hides more and more, fronts with brittle pride, and becomes determined to End This. We know that both Sam and Dean are frightened by what they are going to have to do, because they admit it to other people, but each brother's actions set off alarm bells in the other and each becomes more rigid and less willing to admit vulnerabilities and fears to each other. It becomes an escalating cycle of each brothers' perceptions of themselves and their roles, each becoming more desperate and rigid in their perceptions.
On the Head of a Pin
The Monster at the End of this Book
When the Levee Breaks
When the Levee Breaks
Until, Dean loses hope in Sam's humanity. Sam's insistence on following the path he's chosen sends the message that everything that Dean sacrificed on Sam's behalf was for nothing. From Dean's perspective, what he gave wasn't valued enough by Sam to influence his choices.
Sam loses hope that Dean loves him for who he truly is. That old, old core of insecurity that he is bad/wrong/different, that being a supernatural being means that he is necessarily Evil, that source of his self-loathing is thus confirmed.
When the Levee Breaks
When the Levee Breaks
Out of desperation, just like John did all those years ago, Dean demands Sam choose to return to being the object of "Keep Sam safe" or be ejected from the family. Either comply with the family values or get out, because, for Dean, watching Sam put aside his humanity would be akin to watching Sam being broken in Hell. Dean knows intimately what it is to lose your humanity, and it is no wonder, then, that he cannot tolerate watching it happen to Sam.
Just as he did before with John, Sam can't tolerate the price of being the object of "Keep Sam safe." It would mean that he would have to submit to being used as a weapon against those he loves - to being powerless to control the death that follows him around. It would mean that he would have to submit to the role of being evil, an "animal" that has to be control and caged by his brother. Sam projects his fear, grief and insecurity out as pride and rage.
When the Levee Breaks
When the Levee Breaks
With Dean's acknowledgement that Sam is choosing to enhance his supernatural powers he can no longer both "Keep Sam safe" and "Reject all things supernatural" at the same time. He is caught in the middle of a direct role conflict. He must put aside one, the other, or both.
SAM: No, no, no. You have to watch out for me, all right? And if I ever turn into something that I’m not, you have to kill me.
DEAN: Sam.
SAM: Dean, Dad told you to do it. You have to.
DEAN: Yeah, well, Dad’s an ass. He never should’ve said anything. I mean, you don’t do that, you don’t lay that kind of crap on your kids.
SAM: No, he was right to say it. Who knows what I might become? Even now, everyone around me dies!
DEAN: Well, I’m not dying, okay? And neither are you.
Playthings
Could it all have turned out differently?
What if Dean could accept Sam's supernatural nature and not have it mean that he was a monster? Would Dean then have been able to accept Sam's plea to trust him, to support him in the use of his powers but be there to make sure it doesn’t take Sam over or to be honest with Sam and kick his ass when Sam comes too close to that essential line in the use of his powers?
What if Sam didn't feel so insecure about what it means to be supernatural, both in his brother's eyes and his own? Would he have been more willing to reveal all of his concerns with Dean? The lying and hiding and fronting with pride really undercut Dean's ability to trust that Sam knew what he was doing. If Sam didn't get so stirred up every time someone suggests he's evil, could he have thought more flexibly about Dean's perception of him? Would he have not taken it so personally? Would it have hurt less, felt less like such a betrayal and so he wouldn't necessarily choose to react to reject Dean? If he didn't loathe himself so much, would he be so willing to sacrifice himself?
What if Dean hadn't learned so many bitter lessons about what it means to fail in his role of the big brother whose only job was to keep his younger brother safe? Would he have been able to let go of some of the control? Allow Sam to determine some of the risks he was willing to take, but set limits on others? If Castiel is letting Sam out of the panic room knowing that Sam will go after Lilith, then obviously both Dean and Sam have a role to play in the events to come. Could Sam and Dean have reached a middle ground that allowed them to face upcoming events together?
What if Sam hadn't been so disempowered for so long, if helplessness weren't such an old, old hot-button for him? Would he have been able to tolerate the helplessness that he experienced throughout Dean's deal and afterward just a little better? Would he be more wary of accepting Ruby's offer of power? Would the draw of feeling powerful and in control over the destiny that was forced on him still outweigh the cost of Dean's regard and Sam's own fears about losing his humanity? Would he then be more amenable to Dean's desire to lead him through what role he is to take in preventing the Apocalypse?
In the end, will it make a difference? I don't know.
Letting Go and Getting off the Carousel
We've watched Sam lose his simple, uncomplicated faith in what he thought was God and His Angels.
It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester
We've watch Dean lose his faith in John The Hero.
You take it any way you want.
Jump the Shark
Both believed in something bigger than themselves to cope with their doubts about themselves and fears about the dangers of the world around them, but no longer. Their earlier views have been challenged and little is left that supports them in the way it once did. They no longer have a father-figure on whom to rely for guidance. They're now being forced to choose for themselves.
Sam must choose what to do about his supernatural nature without the comfort of faith in a greater power that is willing to provide redemption. Perhaps God is willing to allow Sam redemption, but what he's seen of angels thus far certainly doesn't inspire that hope.
Dean must choose his path in facing his role in the Apocalypse and in trying to keep his family together without the trust that if he is somehow perfect and does everything precisely as his father asked of him, things will turn out all right. Perhaps the values and family structure that John instilled in his sons will end up saving them, but at this point they are blinding Sam and Dean to alternatives to the impasse that is tearing them apart.
And just as Dean and Sam have had to surrender their view of a Greater Other that their younger selves relied upon to cope, so they have had to surrender the views of each other that they developed through their experience of their childhoods. They've had to surrender the fantasy, the wish for the brother that will meet the childish wish.
Dean has had to surrender his view of Sam as The Innocent, The Sam That Was who was untouched by their life and could be that one thing of Good in his life that he could feel, touch and smell. He's had to surrender the fantasy of being the older sibling who could protect his little brother from all bad things.
SAM: Yeah, maybe. Aren’t you worried, man, aren’t you worried that I could turn into Max or something?
DEAN: Nope. No way. You know why?
SAM: No. Why?
DEAN: ‘Cause you’ve got one advantage that Max didn’t have.
SAM: Dad? Because Dad’s not here, Dean.
DEAN: No. Me. As long as I’m around, nothing bad is going to happen to you.
Nightmare
DEAN: If I do this, Sammy doesn't have to?
CASTIEL: If it gives you comfort to see it that way.
DEAN: God, you're a dick these days.
When the Levee Breaks
Sam has had to surrender his view of Dean - Sam's Champion, who will have his back no matter what Sam does. Dean has always been willing to sacrifice all things for Sam, and Sam has found comfort in this and come to rely upon it. It's been the one thing he can count on. It's been his foundation where all other things failed him. But Dean has found his limit. There are things now that he will not sacrifice. There is a limit, and it is possible for Sam to destroy his brother's regard for him.
I guess I've found my line.
When the Levee Breaks
DEAN: Because it's not something you're doing, it's what you are? It means -
SAM: What? No. Say it.
DEAN: It means you're a monster.
When the Levee Breaks
No Bow In Which to Wrap It Up
I don't know anything for sure, but the message of Supernatural appears to be that Sam and Dean are stronger together than they are separately, that family matters. The moral of the stories seems to be that the line between human and monster is a very thin one, and being supernatural or being human does not necessarily align someone automatically with the side of Good or the side of Evil. There are other things that determine where that line between human and monster, but they are difficult to discern and shift and change and leave people confused and full of regret. The signs aren't clear. The destiny of who we are may pressure us, but it is the exercise of free will that determines on which side of that line we fall.
If it is the exercise of free will against the pressure of destinies enforced by Angels and Demons that determines the outcome of the breaking of the seals, then, too, is it the exercise of free will against the pressure of destinies enforced by old childhood perceptions and patterns. It's not until we challenge the past that we can see the effects upon our present, and thus choose anew in our future. Sam and Dean's past have brought them to this point, and now their perceptions of their world and each other lay in ruins about them.
As painful as it is for them, and for us to watch it happen, it also leaves Sam and Dean free to reconstruct themselves and their relationship on new terms. They do not have to ride the carousel. They do not have to participate in the family dance. They are free to choose something new, something different and unknown. And it's hard. It's akin to taking a blind step into the abyss. There's no surety. Every choice is fraught with danger because what you thought was the relationship between cause and effect, action and reaction, behavior and response is no more. There's only a long period of a gut-churning fall in the dark before you begin to understand things in a new way and find solid ground beneath your feet again. But I know it can happen. I've seen it. I've done it myself.
It’s supposed to be tough, Dean! We’re supposed to struggle with this, that’s the whole point!
Croatoan
So, I guess I'm putting my faith in that, that we are assured nothing, but power is not given, it is taken. Choice comes only when we struggle against the forces in our lives that impel us. Whether it's the struggle against forces that attempt to use us for evil, or the struggle to free ourselves from the effects of our past, that it's the very fact that we struggle that counts.
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Chapter 1: On the Siren's Call
Chapter 2: On John the Man
Chapter 3: On John the Father
Chapter 4: On Dean - The Motherless Child
Chapter 5: On Dean the Heart of the Family
Chapter 6: On Sam - Born of Love and Loss
Chapter 7: On Sam in the Box
Chapter 8: On Sam out of the Box
Chapter 9 : On Sam Captive on a Carousel of Time
Chapter 10: On Sam Power Can Be Taken, But Not Given
Chapter 11: On Sam From Here Forward
Chapter 12: On Sam Out of the Box Redux
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Chapter 13: Putting Away Childish Things
Chapter 14: Triangles are a Demon's Best Friend
Chapter 15: Stop the Carousel I Want to Get Off
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credit goes to oxoniensis and marishna of summerskin for the screencaps
Thank you for reading!