Okay, finally found some time to comment as promised. I like the characterization and mood in this, and your choice of characters (obviously), and you really conveyed Link's annoyance well. I also liked the tension in the scene with Madarao. <3
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I'm glad you liked it XD (all things considering...er like right now--I'm playing Madarao in an RP I'm doing so I wanna get GOOD at him, y'know? *laugh*) as for Link *sigh* he's still iffy with me but glad you liked him XD
Glad you liked that line XD *again doesn't remember writing it but whatever*
and now for teh CC addressment
About the He/She placement--I...yeah...I Do do that a lot. And I really don't mean to XD (I mean it CAN get confusing) though most of the short things on here--I try to address the names first (thankfully I remembered to on this piece) but...I guess...I rely heavily on Characterization? That's probably really bad but I view everyone as different--so to me it's easy to tell who's who by their actions XD though I do also do it sometimes because I WANT to be unclear (I WANT people to go back and re-read and go 'oh it's him?') though again...yeah I need to really watch it XD I don't think you're the first person to bring that up, actually *blinks* (though the
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Sorry for the late reply. It was the last week of school, and a number of my days were booked. *still has some assignments and things to finish* Let me write my thoughts.
If you didn't mean to do it, well, that's why it helps to have readers point out things the writer might not see. Of course you can tell who's who--you're the one writing it--but there are times when it's not actually clear in the text. I absolutely agree with using characterization to establish who you're talking about, which can be vital in first-person POV fics, but the end result is that the reader should know who they're reading about, right? In which case, you might as well write their name in paragraph 1 instead of paragraph 5
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It's fine, I kinda figured XD (it's this week or last week that's usually the last week of Uni for most people *her last day was Friday, though since she didn't have a Final, it was thursday
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Okay, time to catch up on some older comment threads....
Ambiguity in a story can work very well, and in that case an ambiguous ending sounds pretty cool. But there's "purposely ambiguous" and then there's "confusing for no reason," so
Oh right, I read that one. I was going to say it might take me awhile to give feedback...but if you just want my thoughts on Link's characterization, I can sum it up in a few sentences. I thought his characterization was perfect UNTIL he suddenly decided to give Allen a handjob. Considering his character, there was no reason for him to do that--I don't care if Link is in love with Allen, like you hinted at, or if he thinks Allen is teh sexy, that's not enough of a reason for Link to suddenly do that, much less without Allen's consent. Link is too reserved, too prim and proper. I can see him acting on impulse, but not in such a drastic way, so I would recommend establishing more of a reason for him to do that, if you want to (like...IDK, Crown Clown won't let Allen go until then?). I mean, it's smut,
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Whoops, speaking of typos, I totally forgot to finish a sentence up there. XDDD
Yes, partly it's subjective. Recently I read a very confusing book involving, among other things, multiple alternate universes and versions of the characters. Even though I was confused, I liked it a lot because of the rich writing style and mythological themes, but numerous other readers hated it because they found it pedantic and overly chaotic. (It was Vellum by Hal Duncan, if you wanted to know
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Life can't stop me from reading books, even if I'm so busy it has to be while falling asleep or waiting for the bus...Yeah, Vellum was pretty interesting.
If someone's asking for a fic as a gift, they shouldn't be that picky. :/
So I guess I did have some issues with Link's characterization in that fic. XD Because that's it, I can't see him not resisting Komui's advances and leaving the room, and then he'd report Komui's ass to Leverrier or something. Also, I can't see him not knowing what masturbation is, much less reporting it to Komui (at least, not in a serious fic). But other than that, and in terms of his dialogue, he felt like Link. The greater issue was that I couldn't see Komui doing that at all, but then you wouldn't have a porn fic, huh. Basically, it's really hard to get Link to have sex except with Madarao in a serious fic. XD
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Aww, that's too bad. Surely being distracted by books is a good thing, though! To an extent. I need to be less distracted by the internet. orz
Maybe they didn't think they could pull it off, or just thought it would take too long? But if you're writing something *for* someone, you should have more leeway instead of putting every detail of theirs down on paper (figuratively speaking).
Yes, at least you finished a fic for the challenge! But yeah, forcing pr0nz can make things go ooc fast. Why do I want to write a fic where Link reports someone for attempted assault now
Thanks for considering my suggestions! <333 Yes, the same thing applies to first-person POV. Your average POV character most likely thinks of the other characters by their name, or some variation thereof. Or by an official title, for example, if they belong to a strict organization and are rule-abiding. Link probably thinks of Lev as "Secretary Leverrier" or "the Secretary" (canon!), and if he simply thought of him as "Leverrier" it would strike me as a little off.
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Okay, finally found some time to comment as promised. I like the characterization and mood in this, and your choice of characters (obviously), and you really conveyed Link's annoyance well. I also liked the tension in the scene with Madarao. <3 ( ... )
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I'm glad you liked it XD (all things considering...er like right now--I'm playing Madarao in an RP I'm doing so I wanna get GOOD at him, y'know? *laugh*) as for Link *sigh* he's still iffy with me but glad you liked him XD
Glad you liked that line XD *again doesn't remember writing it but whatever*
and now for teh CC addressment
About the He/She placement--I...yeah...I Do do that a lot. And I really don't mean to XD (I mean it CAN get confusing) though most of the short things on here--I try to address the names first (thankfully I remembered to on this piece) but...I guess...I rely heavily on Characterization? That's probably really bad but I view everyone as different--so to me it's easy to tell who's who by their actions XD though I do also do it sometimes because I WANT to be unclear (I WANT people to go back and re-read and go 'oh it's him?') though again...yeah I need to really watch it XD I don't think you're the first person to bring that up, actually *blinks* (though the ( ... )
Reply
If you didn't mean to do it, well, that's why it helps to have readers point out things the writer might not see. Of course you can tell who's who--you're the one writing it--but there are times when it's not actually clear in the text. I absolutely agree with using characterization to establish who you're talking about, which can be vital in first-person POV fics, but the end result is that the reader should know who they're reading about, right? In which case, you might as well write their name in paragraph 1 instead of paragraph 5 ( ... )
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Ambiguity in a story can work very well, and in that case an ambiguous ending sounds pretty cool. But there's "purposely ambiguous" and then there's "confusing for no reason," so
Oh right, I read that one. I was going to say it might take me awhile to give feedback...but if you just want my thoughts on Link's characterization, I can sum it up in a few sentences. I thought his characterization was perfect UNTIL he suddenly decided to give Allen a handjob. Considering his character, there was no reason for him to do that--I don't care if Link is in love with Allen, like you hinted at, or if he thinks Allen is teh sexy, that's not enough of a reason for Link to suddenly do that, much less without Allen's consent. Link is too reserved, too prim and proper. I can see him acting on impulse, but not in such a drastic way, so I would recommend establishing more of a reason for him to do that, if you want to (like...IDK, Crown Clown won't let Allen go until then?). I mean, it's smut, ( ... )
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Yes, partly it's subjective. Recently I read a very confusing book involving, among other things, multiple alternate universes and versions of the characters. Even though I was confused, I liked it a lot because of the rich writing style and mythological themes, but numerous other readers hated it because they found it pedantic and overly chaotic. (It was Vellum by Hal Duncan, if you wanted to know ( ... )
Reply
Reply
If someone's asking for a fic as a gift, they shouldn't be that picky. :/
So I guess I did have some issues with Link's characterization in that fic. XD Because that's it, I can't see him not resisting Komui's advances and leaving the room, and then he'd report Komui's ass to Leverrier or something. Also, I can't see him not knowing what masturbation is, much less reporting it to Komui (at least, not in a serious fic). But other than that, and in terms of his dialogue, he felt like Link. The greater issue was that I couldn't see Komui doing that at all, but then you wouldn't have a porn fic, huh. Basically, it's really hard to get Link to have sex except with Madarao in a serious fic. XD ( ... )
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Maybe they didn't think they could pull it off, or just thought it would take too long? But if you're writing something *for* someone, you should have more leeway instead of putting every detail of theirs down on paper (figuratively speaking).
Yes, at least you finished a fic for the challenge! But yeah, forcing pr0nz can make things go ooc fast. Why do I want to write a fic where Link reports someone for attempted assault now
Thanks for considering my suggestions! <333 Yes, the same thing applies to first-person POV. Your average POV character most likely thinks of the other characters by their name, or some variation thereof. Or by an official title, for example, if they belong to a strict organization and are rule-abiding. Link probably thinks of Lev as "Secretary Leverrier" or "the Secretary" (canon!), and if he simply thought of him as "Leverrier" it would strike me as a little off. ( ... )
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