(no subject)
PEW PEW
So. All the shifts in the last little while.
I'm not going to Seattle-- Taz decided they'd rather do the trip and the settling in on their own so they get started as they're going to continue and let me know that Tuesday night.
(Also, that led to a weird conflict because they'd been nervous and had to work themselves up to telling me so, and that felt really hurtful because I'd put A LOT of work into being non-pressurey about the whole thing and making it clear that I only wanted to do it at all if they actively wanted me to and then they got hurt at the way I expressed that that hurt and made me feel less able to be close to them? Because it felt like they were unable to see or interact with me because of ghosts. I apolI sat and talked with Steve about it for an hour or so and that helped a lot, and I also called Brian to explain it out a little again and then get sleepy tuck me in cuddles.
(I also went on a really weird tangent with Brian, cause I asked him if he liked it wehen I called to talk, or if it was just something he was okay with and that he was glad made me happy...and his answer was that those aren't really two different things for him? And. What? My brain just doesn't even. Those are such different feelings for me, and it makes me feel weird about my sense of what's good for him and where his boundaries are? Also meh.))
And then this morning I found out that the leasing company needs us to move out of Steve's house because the owners want to sell it, so I couldn't have gone to Seattle anyhow, cause *I'm* moving apparently?
I hate things being in flux.
Steve's looking at moving closer in to town though, so maybe things will be less than 30 minutes away sometimes. That'd be cool.
So. All the shifts in the last little while.
I'm not going to Seattle-- Taz decided they'd rather do the trip and the settling in on their own so they get started as they're going to continue and let me know that Tuesday night.
(Also, that led to a weird conflict because they'd been nervous and had to work themselves up to telling me so, and that felt really hurtful because I'd put A LOT of work into being non-pressurey about the whole thing and making it clear that I only wanted to do it at all if they actively wanted me to and then they got hurt at the way I expressed that that hurt and made me feel less able to be close to them? Because it felt like they were unable to see or interact with me because of ghosts. I apolI sat and talked with Steve about it for an hour or so and that helped a lot, and I also called Brian to explain it out a little again and then get sleepy tuck me in cuddles.
(I also went on a really weird tangent with Brian, cause I asked him if he liked it wehen I called to talk, or if it was just something he was okay with and that he was glad made me happy...and his answer was that those aren't really two different things for him? And. What? My brain just doesn't even. Those are such different feelings for me, and it makes me feel weird about my sense of what's good for him and where his boundaries are? Also meh.))
And then this morning I found out that the leasing company needs us to move out of Steve's house because the owners want to sell it, so I couldn't have gone to Seattle anyhow, cause *I'm* moving apparently?
I hate things being in flux.
Steve's looking at moving closer in to town though, so maybe things will be less than 30 minutes away sometimes. That'd be cool.