so take take everything, and leave me scrambling, searching for something that wasn't there in....
i've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and sometimes i even make the same mistake twice
example: Kyle
how many relationships of mine has Kyle ruined just being 600 miles away? 1) Alan-we were so great together, he gave gave gave and i took took took, all the while hangin on to my phone in hopes that kyle would call. but Alan stuck through it and eventually i began to love him back, but the love we shared for didn't withstand that trip to corpus. sure kyle said he was coming, and yea he didn't but just me still holding on finally broke Alan after all. we still talk he's one of the few people who know me very well, but that one presence, 600 miles away wedged it's way into my heart and wouldnt let go.
2) same scenario just with Anth.
anyways the point is, i have him out of my system finally, we haven't talked since before x-mas and I'm finally OK with that. the fact is, i make mistakes, especially stupid ones.
today was a prime example of a stupid mistake, and has caused me to push someone i care for alot, away from me, yea i sat in my car and cried but i have no one to blame but myself, and i know this, thats why the outcome of the dinner i'm about to attend will probably come as no surprise to me. I'm not OK with it, but i'll have to live with it because it was my choice to do what i did.
but to the person i hurt, i care about you so much its crazy. I haven't felt this way in a long long time. and i'm grateful for the things you've done for me and for putting up with my PMS, mood swings and everything else. it's not often someone like you come around in my life.
and its times like these that make me look in the mirror
and hate myself.
i hate the person i can be
that i am
that i have been
and that i always will be.
this'll turn out just the same
i'll just spend hours and hours
on the fone w/ JaymeLee
asking her why i'm so disposable
and worthless.
but not this time.
Because i have no one to blame but
Myself
example: Kyle
how many relationships of mine has Kyle ruined just being 600 miles away? 1) Alan-we were so great together, he gave gave gave and i took took took, all the while hangin on to my phone in hopes that kyle would call. but Alan stuck through it and eventually i began to love him back, but the love we shared for didn't withstand that trip to corpus. sure kyle said he was coming, and yea he didn't but just me still holding on finally broke Alan after all. we still talk he's one of the few people who know me very well, but that one presence, 600 miles away wedged it's way into my heart and wouldnt let go.
2) same scenario just with Anth.
anyways the point is, i have him out of my system finally, we haven't talked since before x-mas and I'm finally OK with that. the fact is, i make mistakes, especially stupid ones.
today was a prime example of a stupid mistake, and has caused me to push someone i care for alot, away from me, yea i sat in my car and cried but i have no one to blame but myself, and i know this, thats why the outcome of the dinner i'm about to attend will probably come as no surprise to me. I'm not OK with it, but i'll have to live with it because it was my choice to do what i did.
but to the person i hurt, i care about you so much its crazy. I haven't felt this way in a long long time. and i'm grateful for the things you've done for me and for putting up with my PMS, mood swings and everything else. it's not often someone like you come around in my life.
and its times like these that make me look in the mirror
and hate myself.
i hate the person i can be
that i am
that i have been
and that i always will be.
this'll turn out just the same
i'll just spend hours and hours
on the fone w/ JaymeLee
asking her why i'm so disposable
and worthless.
but not this time.
Because i have no one to blame but
Myself