Something's Changed
i recall the last time i went sport climbing outside. in fact, it was almost a year ago; memorial day weekend. it was Sean, Krissie, Albert and i at the Red. that trip, i made it a point to lead everything i got on, which i did. but at the time, i wasn't feeling very confident in anything i did. every route had to be stick clipped for peace of mind and still i remember my inner dialogue, just before i got on each route. "shit. shit. shit. shit. shit. what am i doing on this rope? i'm gonna hurt myself. what have i gotten myself into!?" it didn't get easier on the wall either. with every move as i climbed higher and higher, more thoughts crept in. "fuck. don't blow this next move. shit, where's the next hold?" and as i started getting pumped, it didn't help things. "shit. i'm gonna fall." how could anybody possibly enjoy climbing like this when the entire time i was terrified? it was weird because i trusted my belayers, but i still couldn't trust myself.
well, almost an entire year has gone by and a lot has changed. i had been out of climbing for three months due to my hand surgery. i hadn't really lead much in the gym, maybe just a handful of times since my recovery. all the trips since had been bouldering trips so i never had time to build up a confident lead head. i don't know what it is, but something had changed. just this past weekend, when i went to Franklin with Nikki, SCary and Dawn, i was pleasantly surprised to find myself putting up draws with no hesitation, no fear, and not even a stick clip! i even found myself relaxed on the wall; i remained calm when i went in the wrong direction and had to back track my way to where i was so i could think about where i needed to go. even when i hadn't reached the top yet or clipped into the next bolt to feel more secure, i took my time to look at the view that surrounded me, absorbing everything and being in the present moment. and it was then that i knew, i believe in myself.
Photo taken by Nikki Glass.
Photo taken by Dawn Kolfer.
Camera :: Canon Powershot S90
well, almost an entire year has gone by and a lot has changed. i had been out of climbing for three months due to my hand surgery. i hadn't really lead much in the gym, maybe just a handful of times since my recovery. all the trips since had been bouldering trips so i never had time to build up a confident lead head. i don't know what it is, but something had changed. just this past weekend, when i went to Franklin with Nikki, SCary and Dawn, i was pleasantly surprised to find myself putting up draws with no hesitation, no fear, and not even a stick clip! i even found myself relaxed on the wall; i remained calm when i went in the wrong direction and had to back track my way to where i was so i could think about where i needed to go. even when i hadn't reached the top yet or clipped into the next bolt to feel more secure, i took my time to look at the view that surrounded me, absorbing everything and being in the present moment. and it was then that i knew, i believe in myself.
Photo taken by Nikki Glass.
Photo taken by Dawn Kolfer.
Camera :: Canon Powershot S90