Day 1
Throbbing headache. Feel a little sick. Pyschosomatic wounds. Day 1 of not being in a relationship. Relationship #2 (or #3, depending on if the first one counts).
But, the road ahead feels like when you're standing in front of the blinds that hide brilliant rays of sun. You just move one of the blinds out of the way, and a brilliant, blinding light envelopes you. In a small way, I feel awake. Alive. And that things are right in my universe.
This relationship was different. And ending it is too. In the last one, I was running from an imminent train wreck. If I didn't run fast, I was going to be engulfed by it. This time, if I just keep acting the way I did in the relationship, I will be OK. I don't have to say I love you. I don't have to be affectionate. Just stay on my side of the bed and be respectful. Enjoy the cheap rent while I can.
I haven't told him that I wish to live there until Lucy is gone. I don't even know if I want to take the cats with me. Maybe I need freedom from everything - If I want to work until 10 pm, that's OK. If I want to go out, that's OK. If I want to leave town for awhile, that's OK. Or perhaps just a period of this, and then I'll pick up the cats later.
But don't show him how happy you are. That will just hurt him. He hasn't processed this yet, and to tell you the truth, neither have I. I just want to run to San Francisco and hang out with my cousin for awhile. Perhaps that's what I should do.
But, the road ahead feels like when you're standing in front of the blinds that hide brilliant rays of sun. You just move one of the blinds out of the way, and a brilliant, blinding light envelopes you. In a small way, I feel awake. Alive. And that things are right in my universe.
This relationship was different. And ending it is too. In the last one, I was running from an imminent train wreck. If I didn't run fast, I was going to be engulfed by it. This time, if I just keep acting the way I did in the relationship, I will be OK. I don't have to say I love you. I don't have to be affectionate. Just stay on my side of the bed and be respectful. Enjoy the cheap rent while I can.
I haven't told him that I wish to live there until Lucy is gone. I don't even know if I want to take the cats with me. Maybe I need freedom from everything - If I want to work until 10 pm, that's OK. If I want to go out, that's OK. If I want to leave town for awhile, that's OK. Or perhaps just a period of this, and then I'll pick up the cats later.
But don't show him how happy you are. That will just hurt him. He hasn't processed this yet, and to tell you the truth, neither have I. I just want to run to San Francisco and hang out with my cousin for awhile. Perhaps that's what I should do.