Pros and Cons
My therapist has asked me to write down the PROS and CONS of my current relationship for our meeting on Monday afternoon. Let me preface this with a warning - we had a small argument this morning, and right now I feel that my life, outside of work, is being drained by this relationship. BUT, there hasn't been much life outside work (I worked 60+ hours this week), and Tim's brother died earlier this week and he held everything in not telling me a thing about his feelings all week.
Here goes:
PROS -
I'm not alone. I've got someone to grow old with. If I got into an accident or my health went south, I'd have somebody.
He genuinely cares about me. He genuinely loves me.
He puts up with my mood swings.
I've got someone to go on trips with, pool resources.
I never eat out alone, unless I want to.
I've got someone to cook for.
CONS -
He acts older than he is. His energy level is deteriorating, but mine is not.
He is hard of hearing, and this affects my need to be heard.
He's got weird hand movements and gestures and doesn't know or care what he is communicating to others through his body language.
He says he isn't lazy, but evidence suggests that he is.
He never makes meals, even when I work late.
He demands expensive gifts for his birthday, and believes in all of the "Hallmark" holidays (Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, etc.)
His focus in on the dogs more than anything.
He demands too much affection, and doesn't understand how dead tired I can become after a day's work.
He sleeps all day (while I work) and then tries to keep my up when I'm going to sleep, then calls me "anti-social" for not wanting to stay up and communicate.
He criticizes me for wanting to ski alone, even though we met while skiing and he knows it is my passion.
He is embarrassing to my friends - he is really slow and not as intelligent as me.
Oh the advantage of being alone. I'm thinking it's time to maybe talk about this. Maybe not right now, we've got a company function tonite where we have to be a couple. Tomorrow I've got to work. But maybe it's time to break clean before it gets ugly.
Like I said before - I'm not losing anything by staying in this relationship. It's cheap rent, he takes care of Lucy the blind dog, and he is generally pleasant to be around. Maybe we can move to a bigger place, and be room-mates. That way, he's got the security of a built-in dogsitter, and I've got the same. I want to go other places alone, back to PA more, skiing, etc. I am an "alone" person - my best times are in my head even when surrounded by other people. So, he's not going to find another lover, probably, we're already sleeping with other people (or just being asexual, in my case), so maybe this is the best solution. I'm not looking for a soulmate, just a companion.
So, now that it's out there, what next? I have a feeling I'll find out later today.
Here goes:
PROS -
I'm not alone. I've got someone to grow old with. If I got into an accident or my health went south, I'd have somebody.
He genuinely cares about me. He genuinely loves me.
He puts up with my mood swings.
I've got someone to go on trips with, pool resources.
I never eat out alone, unless I want to.
I've got someone to cook for.
CONS -
He acts older than he is. His energy level is deteriorating, but mine is not.
He is hard of hearing, and this affects my need to be heard.
He's got weird hand movements and gestures and doesn't know or care what he is communicating to others through his body language.
He says he isn't lazy, but evidence suggests that he is.
He never makes meals, even when I work late.
He demands expensive gifts for his birthday, and believes in all of the "Hallmark" holidays (Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, etc.)
His focus in on the dogs more than anything.
He demands too much affection, and doesn't understand how dead tired I can become after a day's work.
He sleeps all day (while I work) and then tries to keep my up when I'm going to sleep, then calls me "anti-social" for not wanting to stay up and communicate.
He criticizes me for wanting to ski alone, even though we met while skiing and he knows it is my passion.
He is embarrassing to my friends - he is really slow and not as intelligent as me.
Oh the advantage of being alone. I'm thinking it's time to maybe talk about this. Maybe not right now, we've got a company function tonite where we have to be a couple. Tomorrow I've got to work. But maybe it's time to break clean before it gets ugly.
Like I said before - I'm not losing anything by staying in this relationship. It's cheap rent, he takes care of Lucy the blind dog, and he is generally pleasant to be around. Maybe we can move to a bigger place, and be room-mates. That way, he's got the security of a built-in dogsitter, and I've got the same. I want to go other places alone, back to PA more, skiing, etc. I am an "alone" person - my best times are in my head even when surrounded by other people. So, he's not going to find another lover, probably, we're already sleeping with other people (or just being asexual, in my case), so maybe this is the best solution. I'm not looking for a soulmate, just a companion.
So, now that it's out there, what next? I have a feeling I'll find out later today.