A New Kind of Feminism: Fighting for Femininity (And a New Sexual Revolution)
I'm a sucker for romance. I really wish I wasn't a lot of the time, but I really do love a good romantic comedy, especially when the main squeeze is a dishy floppy haired prince charming type character. I'm really wishy washy and idealistic when it comes to romance. I expect it to play out all movie like and perfect. It's silly, I know.
My writing class this semester is focusing on the topic 'questioning gender' and in the first class we watched an episode of Sex and the City. (Side note. Isn't college wonderful?) We watched the pilot, in which Carrie (played by Sarah Jessica Parker for those unfamiliar with the show) decides she is going to have sex like a man. For Carrie, that means having casual, unemotional, unattached sex.
The series revolves around strong, accomplished women in their thirties, and while I am a supporter of strong women who can take care of themselves, I think that the women in the show wear the pants the wrong way. Women can never be really equal with men because well, there are major differences between the two. I think that the fight for equality has deprived women of their femininity. Women cannot be strong in the way men are, they just weren't made that way. That doesn't mean that they can't have careers, be self-sufficient and have other accomplishments. What it means is that women need to find strength in their femininity and their identity as a woman as they pursue their dreams and accomplish their goals.
What does that look like? I don't really know. But I think real feminism would be females reclaiming femininity and reveling in it. Skirts are not bad and not fetters for the female! (Not that women have to wear skirts all the time, but the whole concept of 'wearing the pants' seems so silly.) It comes down to the fundamental principle that men and women are wired differently. Women give up the very essence of their feminine nature to be successful in the ways of the world. They become harsh, critical and cynical. Embittered by their battle for equality and success, they lose a vital part of themselves in the process.
The whole idea of having sex like a man illustrates this process. Carrie feels victorious after her encounter with an ex, but when he later approaches her at a club, rejoicing in the fact that she finally understands what he wants from a relationship with her and then goes after another woman, Carrie's victory doesn't seem like such an accomplishment. When women try to be unemotional, unattached, they are denying the very essence of their nature. Women are emotional, caring, gentle and relational. It's who we are. It's not a bad thing, far from. It is in our emotions that we get strength. Yes, our hearts can be very wounded from our emotions, but our emotions and relational bonds can help us lend strength to others. Success doesn't come from dominating the pack. It comes from being at rest in who one is. Finding strength and offering it to others, using your strength for the accomplishments you desire in a way that doesn't demean others. It's not ruthless and cut-throat like the world illustrates success to be, it's the opposite. This may seem highly improbable, but I firmly believe that there are ways to find success and accomplishment that don't involve knocking down your opponents and knocking them down hard.
Continuing the idea of exchanging femininity for 'equality' that burns, back to the concept of having sex like a man and the concept of sexual relations in our society. I don't understand how these relationships work, mainly because I am not sexually active by choice. Sexuality is not bad, far from. But I believe engaging in intimacy with many people is like dipping into your retirement fund early. It might seem like a good idea at first, but you'll be sorry on the day you want to cash in on that retirement fund and there's nothing there but a few pennies. Sure you had your kicks, but there is no lasting reward. Saving myself for one person isn't easy, I'll admit that, but I know it's worth it. We are made for deep, soul shaking relationships. True love. Yes, I said it, true love. It might sound mythic, but I don't think it is. I think true love is possible when you guard your heart, when you decide you want to be intimate with ONE person. That doesn't mean you can only date one person and marry that person. It means using discernment in romantic relationships. Not just giving everything away.
I think the idea of true, intimate, passionate sex with one person is revolutionary. I think it has a lot more power than a series of hook ups and casual sex in a variety of forms.
I think it's time for a real femininism and a real sexual revolution.
My writing class this semester is focusing on the topic 'questioning gender' and in the first class we watched an episode of Sex and the City. (Side note. Isn't college wonderful?) We watched the pilot, in which Carrie (played by Sarah Jessica Parker for those unfamiliar with the show) decides she is going to have sex like a man. For Carrie, that means having casual, unemotional, unattached sex.
The series revolves around strong, accomplished women in their thirties, and while I am a supporter of strong women who can take care of themselves, I think that the women in the show wear the pants the wrong way. Women can never be really equal with men because well, there are major differences between the two. I think that the fight for equality has deprived women of their femininity. Women cannot be strong in the way men are, they just weren't made that way. That doesn't mean that they can't have careers, be self-sufficient and have other accomplishments. What it means is that women need to find strength in their femininity and their identity as a woman as they pursue their dreams and accomplish their goals.
What does that look like? I don't really know. But I think real feminism would be females reclaiming femininity and reveling in it. Skirts are not bad and not fetters for the female! (Not that women have to wear skirts all the time, but the whole concept of 'wearing the pants' seems so silly.) It comes down to the fundamental principle that men and women are wired differently. Women give up the very essence of their feminine nature to be successful in the ways of the world. They become harsh, critical and cynical. Embittered by their battle for equality and success, they lose a vital part of themselves in the process.
The whole idea of having sex like a man illustrates this process. Carrie feels victorious after her encounter with an ex, but when he later approaches her at a club, rejoicing in the fact that she finally understands what he wants from a relationship with her and then goes after another woman, Carrie's victory doesn't seem like such an accomplishment. When women try to be unemotional, unattached, they are denying the very essence of their nature. Women are emotional, caring, gentle and relational. It's who we are. It's not a bad thing, far from. It is in our emotions that we get strength. Yes, our hearts can be very wounded from our emotions, but our emotions and relational bonds can help us lend strength to others. Success doesn't come from dominating the pack. It comes from being at rest in who one is. Finding strength and offering it to others, using your strength for the accomplishments you desire in a way that doesn't demean others. It's not ruthless and cut-throat like the world illustrates success to be, it's the opposite. This may seem highly improbable, but I firmly believe that there are ways to find success and accomplishment that don't involve knocking down your opponents and knocking them down hard.
Continuing the idea of exchanging femininity for 'equality' that burns, back to the concept of having sex like a man and the concept of sexual relations in our society. I don't understand how these relationships work, mainly because I am not sexually active by choice. Sexuality is not bad, far from. But I believe engaging in intimacy with many people is like dipping into your retirement fund early. It might seem like a good idea at first, but you'll be sorry on the day you want to cash in on that retirement fund and there's nothing there but a few pennies. Sure you had your kicks, but there is no lasting reward. Saving myself for one person isn't easy, I'll admit that, but I know it's worth it. We are made for deep, soul shaking relationships. True love. Yes, I said it, true love. It might sound mythic, but I don't think it is. I think true love is possible when you guard your heart, when you decide you want to be intimate with ONE person. That doesn't mean you can only date one person and marry that person. It means using discernment in romantic relationships. Not just giving everything away.
I think the idea of true, intimate, passionate sex with one person is revolutionary. I think it has a lot more power than a series of hook ups and casual sex in a variety of forms.
I think it's time for a real femininism and a real sexual revolution.