resolutions
i would just like to state for the record...
that i am tired in my soul, tired in my bones, i can feel the toll that month after month of not eating right and working too goddamn hard and stress and seasonal mood shit and worry and heartbreak and everything else has taken on my body, and right at this moment, i feel at least 50 years old.
and i have work at 7 in the morning. o_O ugh.
the GOOD newz is...
i still love my job. despite any frustrations i have voiced here or elsewhere, despite not planning on being there for a heck of a lot longer... i still love my job because i have chosen to see the good and focus in on that, no matter how much the various frustrations can get to me at times.
and the Even Better n00z is...
that i know i am right on the edge of a really positive new stage of life. as much as i have probably come across as being *exceptionally* lost and/or all over the place lately, i think i have expelled a lot of superfluous shit in my head, and come to some clearer realizations... sometimes you've got to wade through all the shit and just shovel it out for awhile, in order to even remember what was underneath it all, and at the heart of things. i think too hard and analyze things too much, but hell, it's simply how i roll, and has often led to great ideas.
~ no matter who you love and how much you love them, you can't let any other person hold you back.
~ same goes for places, ideas, objects, situations, etc.
~ life only moves in one direction, and that is into the future. you can stand up and face things, and embrace the good and deal with the bad as best you can as it comes, or you can let it drag you down and make your present life miserable. i know what the best choice is.
~ nothing is ever going to make sense, ever. especially people. the more something has to do with people, the less it will make any sense. i need to remember that this is pretty much the only hard and fast rule of living that exists.
~ loving someone in a true and genuine manner doesn't have to mean it's forever, it doesn't have to mean that you are intimate with them physically, and it doesn't even necessarily have to mean anything else... except that they respect you, they tell you the truth, they treat you in the ways you deserve (for better or worse) and will be there for you just as much as you would for them. even in times when it might be inconvenient, they will be there for you when it matters and appreciate when you are there for them.
~ on that same note, i can show someone that i love them just by doing the above sorts of things... the fact that we cannot be together is not something to get torn up about, because it's not something i even *want*, anyway; it would be no good on several levels, and everybody knows it. it's just hormones and habits creating that longing. i will not be brought down by a moment of weakness caused by things i am far stronger than.
~ whatever seems like a good idea right now has to be taken into consideration for the future, also. if i ever want my life to be the way i've dreamed it could be and full of the things i've wanted for so long, then i need to start making better plans and *sticking* to them.
~ i have a hell of a lot to be thankful for, and a great many people i am grateful to know. there are blessings all around me. it's time to get the hell away from this screen a little more often and get out there and LIVE more of life. i spend too much time in my head thinking up great ideas and hardly any time actually making them happen. that is going to change, right here and right now.
nothing can take me higher, carry me further, or drag me down or hold me back any more than i can do those things for myself. it's far past time that i stop letting so many other things become distractions and interfer0nz and actually accomplish my own dreams.
::raises a glass of the excellent local stuff::
here's to an epic fucking future.
:D
*
that i am tired in my soul, tired in my bones, i can feel the toll that month after month of not eating right and working too goddamn hard and stress and seasonal mood shit and worry and heartbreak and everything else has taken on my body, and right at this moment, i feel at least 50 years old.
and i have work at 7 in the morning. o_O ugh.
the GOOD newz is...
i still love my job. despite any frustrations i have voiced here or elsewhere, despite not planning on being there for a heck of a lot longer... i still love my job because i have chosen to see the good and focus in on that, no matter how much the various frustrations can get to me at times.
and the Even Better n00z is...
that i know i am right on the edge of a really positive new stage of life. as much as i have probably come across as being *exceptionally* lost and/or all over the place lately, i think i have expelled a lot of superfluous shit in my head, and come to some clearer realizations... sometimes you've got to wade through all the shit and just shovel it out for awhile, in order to even remember what was underneath it all, and at the heart of things. i think too hard and analyze things too much, but hell, it's simply how i roll, and has often led to great ideas.
~ no matter who you love and how much you love them, you can't let any other person hold you back.
~ same goes for places, ideas, objects, situations, etc.
~ life only moves in one direction, and that is into the future. you can stand up and face things, and embrace the good and deal with the bad as best you can as it comes, or you can let it drag you down and make your present life miserable. i know what the best choice is.
~ nothing is ever going to make sense, ever. especially people. the more something has to do with people, the less it will make any sense. i need to remember that this is pretty much the only hard and fast rule of living that exists.
~ loving someone in a true and genuine manner doesn't have to mean it's forever, it doesn't have to mean that you are intimate with them physically, and it doesn't even necessarily have to mean anything else... except that they respect you, they tell you the truth, they treat you in the ways you deserve (for better or worse) and will be there for you just as much as you would for them. even in times when it might be inconvenient, they will be there for you when it matters and appreciate when you are there for them.
~ on that same note, i can show someone that i love them just by doing the above sorts of things... the fact that we cannot be together is not something to get torn up about, because it's not something i even *want*, anyway; it would be no good on several levels, and everybody knows it. it's just hormones and habits creating that longing. i will not be brought down by a moment of weakness caused by things i am far stronger than.
~ whatever seems like a good idea right now has to be taken into consideration for the future, also. if i ever want my life to be the way i've dreamed it could be and full of the things i've wanted for so long, then i need to start making better plans and *sticking* to them.
~ i have a hell of a lot to be thankful for, and a great many people i am grateful to know. there are blessings all around me. it's time to get the hell away from this screen a little more often and get out there and LIVE more of life. i spend too much time in my head thinking up great ideas and hardly any time actually making them happen. that is going to change, right here and right now.
nothing can take me higher, carry me further, or drag me down or hold me back any more than i can do those things for myself. it's far past time that i stop letting so many other things become distractions and interfer0nz and actually accomplish my own dreams.
::raises a glass of the excellent local stuff::
here's to an epic fucking future.
:D
*